Ankou
Member
- Sep 26, 2021
- 92
That is what I plan on replying with when the doctor asks me what the fuck do I think I'm doing. Apologies for the long post.
I suffer from a very rare chronic condition that I won't name to protect my privacy as only a handful in my country have it. I'm in so much pain that I requested palliative care (dunno if I'll get it or not). I'm practically bedridden even though in theory I could get up, it would just be extremely painful to.
Being woken up by someone really hurts me unlike waking up naturally. However this hasn't stopped my Mum who thinks my physical pain is somehow caused by what she thinks is chemical imbalance in my brain. I did not go through a fuck ton of painful tests that proved my condition in order to get a diagnosis just for this to be called depression. I thought we ruled out mental illness when an MRI scan didn't flag anything but I digress.
Since my non existent depression is more important than the condition that alone makes me eligible for Swiss assisted suicide or Dutch euthanasia, it has been decided that I need to have a routine so that I don't fall in a "downward spiral." And no, since I'm on disability and don't work or go to school, I have nothing to do all day. I have begged my Mum not to wake me up at 7-8am unless I have an appointment in the morning and letting me wake up naturally at 10 really isn't the end of the world.
Since I can't move out and escape her toxic denial phase and doctors are super slow at helping, I guess I will have to self medicate so I no longer need to sleep and then be woken. Plus coffee is good for depression, so shouldn't be an issue, right? Yeah, I'll likely overdose to death eventually which isn't my intention but I don't care at this point lol
I suffer from a very rare chronic condition that I won't name to protect my privacy as only a handful in my country have it. I'm in so much pain that I requested palliative care (dunno if I'll get it or not). I'm practically bedridden even though in theory I could get up, it would just be extremely painful to.
Being woken up by someone really hurts me unlike waking up naturally. However this hasn't stopped my Mum who thinks my physical pain is somehow caused by what she thinks is chemical imbalance in my brain. I did not go through a fuck ton of painful tests that proved my condition in order to get a diagnosis just for this to be called depression. I thought we ruled out mental illness when an MRI scan didn't flag anything but I digress.
Since my non existent depression is more important than the condition that alone makes me eligible for Swiss assisted suicide or Dutch euthanasia, it has been decided that I need to have a routine so that I don't fall in a "downward spiral." And no, since I'm on disability and don't work or go to school, I have nothing to do all day. I have begged my Mum not to wake me up at 7-8am unless I have an appointment in the morning and letting me wake up naturally at 10 really isn't the end of the world.
Since I can't move out and escape her toxic denial phase and doctors are super slow at helping, I guess I will have to self medicate so I no longer need to sleep and then be woken. Plus coffee is good for depression, so shouldn't be an issue, right? Yeah, I'll likely overdose to death eventually which isn't my intention but I don't care at this point lol