Mugara
if i count to ten, will it all go away?
- Sep 12, 2018
- 40
Hello. I'm sorry if it's inappropriate to put such a story in method category, but I want to vent and an advice too. I've been a member since 2018 and I wanted to commit suicide with SN. I had everything required but backed out. My life has changed over 2 years, I found a job, got promoted, reconnected with my SO and things slowly started to get better. Still, sometimes I had brief suicide thoughts due to various reasons like chronic illness, overall mental state didn't fully recover after severe depression and it beared its fruits. Last month I've quit my job because of how toxic relationships with my boss had become. I was a manager in a store and basically her right hand. So I've gone on a leave for 14 days and she was constantly calling and threatening me if I don't show up for help I won't be working there. I would have come for a day or two but I started my pain treatment and had to have injections every day. One day I said fuck it, showed up and resigned. My path led me here because I'm in a worse state than I was that damned autumn in 2018. Why, would you ask, you be depressed over a job loss? That's because it took me years to gather myself up and take a step. Now I feel like I'm 5 steps behind. It's hard for me to take responsibility, live up to expectations and communicate with people but I leaped past it and was good at what I was doing. I could have got another promotion soon. I had plans, I had money, I started to live like a normal human being.
I lost my will to live again for all of sudden simply by same reasons as before and rapid shift in comfort zone.
TL;DR I have prescribed meds like Amitriptyline, Phenazepam and Baclofen. What if I chug it all down with vodka or something, will I die if not found in time or I have to stick with more favored methods like hanging, partial suspencion? Never gonna use SN again, I'm terrified of it.
I lost my will to live again for all of sudden simply by same reasons as before and rapid shift in comfort zone.
TL;DR I have prescribed meds like Amitriptyline, Phenazepam and Baclofen. What if I chug it all down with vodka or something, will I die if not found in time or I have to stick with more favored methods like hanging, partial suspencion? Never gonna use SN again, I'm terrified of it.
