Overcoming Unnecessary SI

[nottinghams]

Hello. I have been suicidal for much longer, but I have also been sick for some months and I am aware it is screwing with my head.
some illnesses cause behavioral change.

what I think i'm experiencing right now many of you would refer to as "SI" but it is not quite the same because I am not scared of death. the feeling doesn't have object or reason, it just is. I have even felt it come and go with the pain from being sick before I obtained my method. in any case im still confident its from illness and no rational place.

If you want to label what this is as SI still go ahead. Most important is figuring out how to get over it.
How can I overcome it?

 

[hematomatema]

SI depends on the method. For things like jumping, the way of overcoming it changes compared to ingesting medication or whatever. Like, it's much more difficult to do a "1, 2..." then ingest compared to the same for jumping off a cliff or something.

The way I've done it before is to literally just blank out my mind. Stop thinking about anything (so long as you're absolutely, totally, 100% certain on CTB.) I just treated what I was doing as a typical activity, no different than brushing your teeth or grabbing something to eat. Just do it on autopilot. It's probably best to do this when you've actually prepared the method and can quickly do it because, since it's probably a new experience, your brain's going to notice that it's something you've never done before and bring you back to reality which might make the SI return. In the example of ingesting medication, I would prepare it in the solution I intend to drink as you would normally, but when it comes time to drink it, I would scroll through TikTok, watch funny videos on YouTube, etc., just grab a drink, keep watching and, oh, what I just drank was my CTB solution, cue preparation for death.

Of course, your mileage may vary. It really depends on the method.

 

[nottinghams]

SI depends on the method. For things like jumping, the way of overcoming it changes compared to ingesting medication or whatever. Like, it's much more difficult to do a "1, 2..." then ingest compared to the same for jumping off a cliff or something.

The way I've done it before is to literally just blank out my mind. Stop thinking about anything (so long as you're absolutely, totally, 100% certain on CTB.) I just treated what I was doing as a typical activity, no different than brushing your teeth or grabbing something to eat. Just do it on autopilot. It's probably best to do this when you've actually prepared the method and can quickly do it because, since it's probably a new experience, your brain's going to notice that it's something you've never done before and bring you back to reality which might make the SI return. In the example of ingesting medication, I would prepare it in the solution I intend to drink as you would normally, but when it comes time to drink it, I would scroll through TikTok, watch funny videos on YouTube, etc., just grab a drink, keep watching and, oh, what I just drank was my CTB solution, cue preparation for death.

Of course, your mileage may vary. It really depends on the method.

I have fentanyl I am going to inject.

its a pain when the fear has no object because its chemical. so it almost feels like a chemical solution is best. idk if u have any numbing, mentally-sedating drugs/substances other than fentanyl in mind.

this is a good suggestion. part of it is delirium though so I have to do my best to remember and focus on why I'm dying. which is why if I had something to just greatly tone down the anxiety..