Venting Overcoming the frustration of not being able to die?

[watereyes]

So when I had figured I could hang myself with an extension cord, I was so happy. That meant I could go whenever I want. So I tried, each night, and miserably failed. It was incredibely frustrating because I realised I wasn't free; I didn't have any reliable method to go, so I had to stay alive, which caused greater pain. So I said fuck it and ordered SN. I'm still waiting for it to arrive and it'll probably be a few weeks because of the lockdown. Now I still don't have that freedom of being able to go whenever I want. I feel stuck.

There's no freedom, only bigger prisons. Well, in my case the prison is life. I don't know what to do, I don't have the patience to live and dealing with all the bullshit that's thrown at me.

 

[mediocre]

I understand this feeling I've had the SN for months but I'm still frustrated in not being able to overcome survival instinct. Even though at the same time it has provided a little comfort knowing the SN is close by should I need it. I guess I am afraid to take it because of my digestive issues. Even if I had N in my hands right now I think I would still struggle even though I am constant physical pain. I don't know what is keeping me here.

 

[watereyes]

I understand this feeling I've had the SN for months but I'm still frustrated in not being able to overcome survival instinct. Even though at the same time it has provided a little comfort knowing the SN is close by should I need it. I guess I am afraid to take it because of my digestive issues. Even if I had N in my hands right now I think I would still struggle even though I am constant physical pain. I don't know what is keeping me here.

I don't think in my case SI could kick in with SN, but I might be mistaken. I thought the partial hanging was reliable and I tried without having second thoughts. I dont know for sure if Ill be like that with SN, we'll see.

 

[LMLN]

I understand this feeling I've had the SN for months but I'm still frustrated in not being able to overcome survival instinct. Even though at the same time it has provided a little comfort knowing the SN is close by should I need it. I guess I am afraid to take it because of my digestive issues. Even if I had N in my hands right now I think I would still struggle even though I am constant physical pain. I don't know what is keeping me here.

Same here...I have had SN for a long time. I do feel I'm getting closer, but I think SI can be there with any method no matter how peaceful.

 

[watereyes]

Same here...I have had SN for a long time. I do feel I'm getting closer, but I think SI can be there with any method no matter how peaceful.

'Overcoming SI therapy' should be a thing. I'd pay for that.

 

[PrettyMoose]

I hope you find peace. Hanging can be difficult. I still have my rope anchored and slip knot tied just waiting for me. I look at it everyday. I tried before but couldn't get anywhere near passing out. I'm just hoping that if I try it enough I'll get it right.

 

[watereyes]

I hope you find peace. Hanging can be difficult. I still have my rope anchored and slip knot tied just waiting for me. I look at it everyday. I tried before but couldn't get anywhere near passing out. I'm just hoping that if I try it enough I'll get it right.

I wouldnt recommend hanging tbh. I tried partial and applied pressure where I shouldnt have. Was left with neck and ear pain for two days

 

[LMLN]

I hope you find peace. Hanging can be difficult. I still have my rope anchored and slip knot tied just waiting for me. I look at it everyday. I tried before but couldn't get anywhere near passing out. I'm just hoping that if I try it enough I'll get it right.

Hanging is very difficult! Especially after a failure. It's very painful after coming back from it.

I wouldnt recommend hanging tbh. I tried partial and applied pressure where I shouldnt have. Was left with neck and ear pain for two days

If you got it on the first try, maybe it's not too bad. But that's hard to do. The rope burn and throat pain after an attempt/failure id very painful. And hard to hide.

 

[watereyes]

Hanging is very difficult! Especially after a failure. It's very painful after coming back from it.

If you got it on the first try, maybe it's not too bad. But that's hard to do. The rope burn and throat pain after an attempt/failure id very painful. And hard to hide.

Well it was after a few tries.. also I only had an extension cord

 

[LMLN]

Well it was after a few tries.. also I only had an extension cord

It hurt to swallow for three weeks for me!

 

[Cancún]

thats the method i want to do , but with a belt , its a strong belt

 

[NothingElseMatters]

It hurt to swallow for three weeks for me!

Maybe you did it wrong? I've tried several times too

 

[LMLN]

Maybe you did it wrong? I've tried several times too

Yes, I did it accidently when fiddling with the noose. I slipped off the stool, and then my feet touched the ground. Everything went black and I was out, but I came back when my feet touched the ground.

 

[watereyes]

thats the method i want to do , but with a belt , its a strong belt

I used a belt too and ouch.

 

[Tamazi 123]

Yes, I did it accidently when fiddling with the noose. I slipped off the stool, and then my feet touched the ground. Everything went black and I was out, but I came back when my feet touched the ground.

Where did you have the noose placed? It sounds like you got very close

 

[LMLN]

It was above the adams apple. I was very very close.

 

[Tamazi 123]

It was above the adams apple. I was very very close.

Sounds like you were nearly out to it very very quickly. I'm scared of it taking enough time for SI to kick in but both you and lady in black say it was only seconds

 

[wineblues]

Hey there. I'm experiencing such a strange mood swings about future suicide: once i start to think about it, SI and fear strike hard and i'm in agony because of awareness that i'll have to live all that painfull long fucking life, but suddenly for a short moment tranquility and determinition come. That phase longs very short.

I would like to use mix of alchol and opioids (i think i can get some) to suppress fear. What do you think about it?

 

[Tamazi 123]

So when I had figured I could hang myself with an extension cord, I was so happy. That meant I could go whenever I want. So I tried, each night, and miserably failed. It was incredibely frustrating because I realised I wasn't free; I didn't have any reliable method to go, so I had to stay alive, which caused greater pain. So I said fuck it and ordered SN. I'm still waiting for it to arrive and it'll probably be a few weeks because of the lockdown. Now I still don't have that freedom of being able to go whenever I want. I feel stuck.

There's no freedom, only bigger prisons. Well, in my case the prison is life. I don't know what to do, I don't have the patience to live and dealing with all the bullshit that's thrown at me.

Why didn't it work were you trying partial or full?

 

[Tamazi 123]

Hey there. I'm experiencing such a strange mood swings about future suicide: once i start to think about it, SI and fear strike hard and i'm in agony because of awareness that i'll have to live all that painfull long fucking life, but suddenly for a short moment tranquility and determinition come. That phase longs very short.

I would like to use mix of alchol and opioids (i think i can get some) to suppress fear. What do you think about it?

Im thinking of doing the same with diazepam and alcohol

 

[Tamazi 123]

It was above the adams apple. I was very very close.

Was the knot at the back?

 

[LMLN]

Sounds like you were nearly out to it very very quickly. I'm scared of it taking enough time for SI to kick in but both you and lady in black say it was only seconds

If you habe the right place, it's very very fast. Everything went black.

Was the knot at the back?

Yes

 

[Tamazi 123]

If you habe the right place, it's very very fast. Everything went black.

Yes

Was it right under your jaw or down a little bit?

 

[selfhater]

i totally understand u i'm stuck and i feel so frustrated and scared of not being able to ctb after failing many times of partial hanging which is the only method i have

 

[wineblues]

Im thinking of doing the same with diazepam and alcohol

I'm a kinda of an alcoholic. Russian vodka, you know))) I think my tolerance is pretty high. Also tolerance for alcohol causes cross-tolerance for bdz. But i tried opioids only once in my life, so that should be my drug of choice. God, i hope i can get em!

i totally understand u i'm stuck and i feel so frustrated and scared of not being able to ctb after failing many times of partial hanging which is the only method i have

What exactly went wrong? What about full hanging? That's hard to fail.