Overcoming the fears

[solblaze]

So as the title suggests I'm looking for advice from people to overcome the fear of failure. It scares the living hell out of me the thought that if I fail I could end up a retarded vegetable.

I'm tired of hurting, I'm tired of feeling like everything's my fault, and most of all I just want to feel love. I'm sure people in my life love me, but I just don't feel loved. I never have. Hopefully in the next life I can be a "normal" person with a normal working brain that keeps me happy, and to not be in physical pain damn near every waking moment of my life.

I'm sorry I got side tracked and went on a tangent, but it did feel good to write down.

 

[ladylazarus4]

I don't know. The hard part is that there will always be a risk of failure. It scares me so badly, too.

 

[solblaze]

I don't know. The hard part is that there will always be a risk of failure. It scares me so badly, too.

The failure, outside of being caught and placed on suicide watch and the resulting "treatment" I feel I can deal with, but becoming mentally retarded? No, I can't deal with that. That's my biggest fear in life, that I lose control of my mental facilities.

 

[Demian]

I'm scared too.

At the end of last year I took an amount of medicine that would literally kill a large horse. I spent 22 days in a coma. I survived without permanent sequelae by some miracle.

Now I have SN and I'm afraid of failing, but they say that SN seems to be the safest when it comes to sequelae.

 

[reallysleepy]

I've been thinking about this too and I think that the best way to increase the chances of not failing is going to a remote place to suicide. Like, I haven't looked it up but I guess that if you end up vegetable you can't breathe and stuff by yourself, right? So if people take a lot of time (let's say a couple of days) to find you, one would be dead.

 

[hematomatema]

I think there's a certain point where you just kind of have to say "them's the consequences." You might end up a vegetable. You might die. You might end up with very minor damage, or maybe even none at all. There's no way to tell, no way to guarantee one of these, only ways to tip the odds in your favour by doing everything you can to optimise the method, or to find new methods altogether. I also think you might be able to consider being a vegetable as being nothing to you. Depending on the state, you might not be conscious anyways - in which case, there's functionally no difference from death, at least from your perspective. The one I fear the most is something like locked-in syndrome or being completely paralysed but still completely conscious. However, those cases are few and far between. Far more likely you survive with some irreparable brain function than with complete bodily paralysis. Even more likely that you just don't have anything come of it altogether and you walk out just fine than end up like that.

 

[solblaze]

I keep seeing all these posts of people preparing to ctb and I've been hoping like hell it would help me find the courage I need to end my suffering.