Outcast Amongst Outcasts

[StrawberryBlood]

Why do I feel rejected no matter where I go? Why do I never feel included in groups? Why do I always feel just outside of everyone's inner circles? I've been hospitalized recently. I felt connection there. I don't want to go back though. There was someone who felt very important. We shared numbers. I don't know where they are now. I texted but never got a response. I need a response. I texted both numbers I was given. Why do you think I haven't gotten a response? I'm just hoping they are still in the hospital or something. It was the first time I felt like another human just . . . got me.

I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know what to do. Why do people reject me? Why am I an outcast amongst outcasts?

 

[Blueberry Panic]

Feeling rejected over and over can trick your brain into thinking it's proof something is wrong with you. It isn't. It's what long-term loneliness does to a person.

Hospital connections feel intense because everyone is raw and honest there. When someone finally "gets you," your nervous system clings to it. You're not an outcast because you're broken. You just feel deeper and notice loss faster than most people.

 

[UserFromNowhere]

Hospital connections feel intense because everyone is raw and honest there. When someone finally "gets you," your nervous system clings to it. You're not an outcast because you're broken. You just feel deeper and notice loss faster than most people.

I'd add to this and say that we need someone who "gets" us, who we feel we can talk to without judgement or fear. Our minds are constantly searching for that connection and the one time you get it, find someone who feels like they truly understand in a world full of people who it feels like you'd be burdening them to even speak the slightest bit of your problems, it can suddenly be ripped away from you with no warning and you're just left alone.

It's a feeling that truly sucks, especially when you've always felt on the outside of society. You try to do the one thing that you're told will help, you try to connect with people, and you feel the loss immediately. You're left wondering if you made a mistake, but you didn't, you're a person in a world where connections are fickle. A world which isn't made for us and we're expected to adapt to with little help.

I hope that you'll be able to find someone who understands on a similar level. Maybe the person you met just needs a bit of time to figure things out for themselves, maybe you'll find someone online who you feel you can talk freely to. I know this site is always willing to listen, even if it doesn't feel like you're being heard. Someone sees your post and relates, even if they're too afraid to respond.

 

[finallydone]

you're not alone, and human beings tend to harm each other than benefit each other on the long run
some people learn how to adapt to that, with their own ways
my way is to keep a small circle of relationships, people that i truly like and trust, but i opt not to trust anyone to 100%, bc that might leave you vulnerable
always expect people to be a little different from how you think they truly are, simply bc that's the reality of things, no mental image of someone can capture their true essence, and even if that was possible, remind yourself that people change, no one stays the same for eternity even if they claim they are
good luck

 

[Misery99]

I have always felt like that too and it's the worst feeling ever. The thing is, there's not actually a person who really gets us even if we believe so. Even if it happens, it's extremely rare but those are really lucky people. Humans are very complex creatures and it's really difficult to form deep connections with them.

Why do I feel rejected no matter where I go? Why do I never feel included in groups? Why do I always feel just outside of everyone's inner circles? I've been hospitalized recently. I felt connection there. I don't want to go back though. There was someone who felt very important. We shared numbers. I don't know where they are now. I texted but never got a response. I need a response. I texted both numbers I was given. Why do you think I haven't gotten a response? I'm just hoping they are still in the hospital or something. It was the first time I felt like another human just . . . got me.

I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know what to do. Why do people reject me? Why am I an outcast amongst outcasts?

you're not alone, and human beings tend to harm each other than benefit each other on the long run
some people learn how to adapt to that, with their own ways
my way is to keep a small circle of relationships, people that i truly like and trust, but i opt not to trust anyone to 100%, bc that might leave you vulnerable
always expect people to be a little different from how you think they truly are, simply bc that's the reality of things, no mental image of someone can capture their true essence, and even if that was possible, remind yourself that people change, no one stays the same for eternity even if they claim they are
good luck

This is 100% true.

 

[ObsidianWatcher]

Rejection stings deeply, no more so than when unexplained. A lack of closure can similarly keep that wound from properly closing, leaving us open to infected patterns of thought, so to speak. This person trusted you enough to share their contact info with you. The fact is that sometimes unexpected things get in the way. It sounds likely that they're still in the hospital, but other possibilities exist. Even if they're intentionally not replying, it doesn't mean that you did anything wrong or don't deserve companionship. They could feel unworthy of or afraid of connection.

 

[Blueberry Panic]

I'd add to this and say that we need someone who "gets" us, who we feel we can talk to without judgement or fear. Our minds are constantly searching for that connection and the one time you get it, find someone who feels like they truly understand in a world full of people who it feels like you'd be burdening them to even speak the slightest bit of your problems, it can suddenly be ripped away from you with no warning and you're just left alone.

It's a feeling that truly sucks, especially when you've always felt on the outside of society. You try to do the one thing that you're told will help, you try to connect with people, and you feel the loss immediately. You're left wondering if you made a mistake, but you didn't, you're a person in a world where connections are fickle. A world which isn't made for us and we're expected to adapt to with little help.

I hope that you'll be able to find someone who understands on a similar level. Maybe the person you met just needs a bit of time to figure things out for themselves, maybe you'll find someone online who you feel you can talk freely to. I know this site is always willing to listen, even if it doesn't feel like you're being heard. Someone sees your post and relates, even if they're too afraid to respond.

I've done some really bad things to push people away , and at this point I doubt anyone I cared for will want to speak to me again .
The people I want to talk to most have ctb and the people who are alive and want to have sonething to do with me dont exactly wants to talk to me much anymore either... I might aswell be dead to everyone at this point .

I'm just waiting out December until new years and I'll be gone.

 

[StrawberryBlood]

Thanks for all the thoughtful responses. I've just always struggled with rejection. I reach out for friendship like a child. I like guards and filters that most adults form, and I can't even begin to comprehend their masks and performances. I really want that person to message me back. Our connection felt so important. Just important. I don't have a better word for it. It was important. I hope I'm not just nuts, though I think I might be. I might be developing psychosis. I hear voices, I've even replied to them out loud in real time, told them to stop. I think it's all very real, but maybe that's just the psychosis speaking.

I really want a reply. I need them to be okay and to message me back.

I don't know what to do with myself besides continuing to be crazy because I'm crazy and being crazy is how I continue to survive, though I don't know how much longer this will last. I wish you all well in this life and the next.