Venting Out of my depth

[Night45]

I'm so out of my depth with this life I created for myself but didn't really understand. I want to run away forever but I'm afraid and it looks like jumping may be my only option so it likely won't be easy either.

My life isn't the worst but I have no willpower to keep going and I'm not as naive as I once was so I don't believe there is a happy future waiting for me. No one I know can help me with the biggest problems and I'm a wreck inside.

I'm stuck in a place where I'm not working on my problems and I'm not ctb, I have a spot in mind but it's not the kind of place you can deliberate at. You have to to just jump straight away. I don't think I could do that and living after being stopped would be even worse than my life now.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry that life brought you to this point. Jumping is such a cruel and horrible method to ctb and SI will kick in early in most cases. If you really decided to do it that way I wish you strength to overcome SI. But I would still suggest to look into other more peaceful methods should there be definitely not other way out.

I'm stuck in a place where I'm not working on my problems and I'm not ctb,

You have not completely closed up all possibilities for yourself. I don't know and I can't tell you which possibilities you still might have, I don't know anything about your life and your reasons, but CTB is only and will always be the very last option to exit a life that is unbearable anymore. I wish you all the best!

 

[Night45]

I don't want anyone I know to be the one to find me and where I live getting hold on SN is very difficult, guns aren't an option either and I can't imagine myself risking doing something outdoors that can be interrupted by a well meaning passer-by.

Even figuring out the details of hanging or SN seems overwhelming so jumping feels like the most accessible option if I can get myself to do it and bot worry about it somehow not being successful.

Even the chances of my life getting a bit better doesn't feel like enough now. Getting good enough for me to not feel like ctb is the only option but not good enough for me to actually enjoy life isn't where I want to be that is just something else that makes me scared to miss the opportunity of where I am now so I can ctb. Does that make sense?

 

[FuneralCry]

That does sound really tiring being trapped in that situation, I hate how we exist in a world where suicide method options get restricted, I think that humans deserve to have the options of reliable methods that they can use at any time without the risk of other people so cruelly interfering, but anyway I do admire those with the courage for the jumping method.

 

[Night45]

Yeah, it's so long. And the feeling of being trapped is just the worst but I'm getting to the place where I just need relief for me.