ecliptic
take me to the afterlife
- Jun 2, 2024
- 50
It is a brain disorder that I was born with and I think I have been misdiagnosed many times with mental illness. I don't know who to turn to because I am just 22 years old and I was more hyper aware of my surroundings compared to other people. My brain feels like its in another world after taking pills and my neck feels realigned when eating or drinking. I am always told to get in contact with a healthcare professional but I don't know how to do basic things like navigation. Nobody else in my family has had these problems. I feel like my whole life was a lie and I had two brains in one body. One which my parents wanted me to be and one that I wanted to be. I also have electrical impulses all over my body 24 hours a day since I was a baby. It feels like my body always wants more and never gets exhausted like other people. I have many undiagnosed conditions that I don't know which one is the most severe. I have even asked myself if I am real or in someone else's reality. I think I have an extreme version of dyslexia or dyspraxia because I tremble more than other people and I have hyper arousal in my eyes which most people can't see. I also feel like I see the world differently compared to other people. Nobody else has noticed the signs either not even my parents. I also think that the medication I was given has realigned my entire brain chemistry including my neck. I sigh sometimes randomly during the day when I am watching TV. I can't even focus on video games that I previously enjoyed playing with my siblings when I was a toddler. I also feel like I am no longer grounded to mother nature anymore. My mom questioned why I was indoors for so long she thought it was related to mental illness but it was just because I saw things differently compared to my siblings and then later on I realized that I was neurodivergent. I even have a crackling sound at the back of my brain when sitting down on a chair. I feel like I have lost breath multiple times in one day and thinking about immortality and if others see what I see. But all I want is for this feeling to go because I just wanted to live a normal life like every other living being.
