Others have it worse. - does this comfort you?

[noname223]

I think it is not the abstract notion that people have it worse in Africa that comforts people. Maybe some. I think it is rather if you meet someone who describes in detail what is going on in his life, all the inner struggles and enormous difficulties they face in real life.

Otherwise I cannot explain it. Two people of my self-help group told me they feel better when they hear my stories "at least I don't have it as bad as him". It cheers them up seemingly. And I am not sure how I shall feel about it.

When I read some extreme stories in this forum I might feel similar (?) At least I don't have this or that problem.

What about you?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Not really it just makes me feel more like a jerk for being so affected by my relatively minor problems.

 

[finishLana]

Doesn't make my experience any easier unfortunately
but whenever i see other functioning successfully and living a good life - that makes me feel inferior and too damaged to be normal

 

[coolgal82]

it makes me feel even worse and like i dont deserve to be sad lmao

 

[swankysoup]

Some people in developing countries are socially healthy, they have communities and relationships. How well someone is doing in life is relative.

 

[Silent_cries]

Not really, it just makes me feel selfish.

 

[Hollowman]

No

 

[Praestat_Mori]

No. I cannot compare my suffering with others and find comfort whether they have it worse or not. That doesn't change anything for me and my situation.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

No, it makes me feel worse because it makes me further acknowledge at how shitty life is as a whole

 

[nails]

it's such a pointless, meaningless statement. it means nothing. if that logic meant anything, there would only be one, single person who would be allowed to feel like shit. and deciding who that person could be would still be difficult because it's all subjective.

anyways, you could get mauled by a bear and there will still be someone worse off than you. who cares.

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

No, I'm an empathetic person and hearing about others with even worse experiences makes me suffer even more. I already have nightmares of being worse off, hearing true stories of it just feeds my dark imagination. It makes me want to CTB even more so I can avoid that fate.

 

[KillingPain267]

Actually I'm more comforted by hearing people going through the same as me, rather than worse, especially if that person is not "supposed to" have the same problems. Like, when I read celebrities also going through divorce, having depression, anxiety and addiction issues. I don't have much extra energy to imagine how even worse problems must feel.

Another thing that is starting to give me comfort is if all the suffering has a purpose, even unknown purpose. Like imagining that we are just video game characters who go through a storyline.

 

[Namelesa]

it can make me feel better sometimes but sometimes worse depending on the thing. With some things I can be thankful for having to deal with certain things less than others but if something is making me feel miserable and despair, telling me others have it worse than me is just going to make me feel guilty and invalid for feeling this way.

 

[Cavalcade]

No, not particularly. It more often makes me sad- in an abstract sense, like mourning for a stranger. I may not know them well, but assuming there isn't any particularly vehement bad blood or ill will- then I just feel sorrow for someone else's suffering. Life is already difficult, painful. Most people are struggling quietly with something. I can't imagine finding glee in someone else's pain.

 

[Forever Sleep]

No. I pity them- of course but, I'm capable of feeling sorry for them and myself at the same time. I definitely won't be guilt tripped into thinking I should be grateful I don't have it as bad as them. I mean- I suppose I am to an extent. I'm grateful I'm not starving. I'm grateful I live in the era I do (in some ways) and the location I do. I wouldn't fancy being a woman in Lesotho for instance. I probably would have been sexually assaulted by now if I lived there. It doesn't make me feel happy those things are happening to other human beings but of course- I'm grateful they're not happening to me.

But- it doesn't have the (probably intended) effect of making me grateful for life in general. I just think- well yeah- so many people are suffering way worse than me. That surely proves my point that life is a shitty burden for a lot of people.

When it comes to comparing pain though. We can't- realistically- either. No one knows what it's like to be someone else. It's good to empathise with others- certainly but realistically- we don't actually know they've had it so much worse in every way to us. Some will have- of course but, most people have some sort of shit going on. It's never fair (in my view) to insist someone else has it so much easier and they should be grateful for the privelage.

 

[chippyprince_]

i've been told this before, and every single time i've been filled with disgust for the way people view me.

 

[ShutINsu1c1d3]

People might have it worse in Africa but they most likely have a community or social circle they belong to and get valued, as opposed to a lot of people like myself so if anything it makes it worse rather than comforting

 

[timetodie24]

It just makes me feel worse as then I feel guilty for being unable to cope with my very minor problems when others have been through hell.
And it also just makes me feel more hopeless about the world when I hear how horrifically others have been treated .

 

[tonyspitstain]

My family used to say this to me growing up, and it's like okay so we should just wallow in our problems and let bad things happen to us because we're not worthy of having our problems solved? I think it's one of the shittiest things you could say to someone who is suffering with anything.
Also -- consider how many people have it better than you (although comparison is the thief of joy as they say). Even if you remove people from the comparison there are some dogs and cats that have gotten better treatment from their owners than I got from my parents.

 

[L'absent]

When I listen to people who are sick I'm not surprised. This is life and everyone is hurting. There are those who admit it and those who don't.

 

[random_user]

I'd say it makes me feel even worse and guilty. I live in a well developed, free country with a good job and more than enough money so I actively have to battle the feeling of not being "allowed" to feel this way. I have to remind myself often that it ultimately comes down to individual circumstances and subjective perception of life.