Venting Ordered SN to the UK - Feeling desperate

[IsThisEverything]

I've just ordered SN from abroad to the UK. I know I'm taking a risk, both because the source I used has mixed reviews, and it going through customs. I just couldn't find any other sources and am running out of options. I'm desperate for a reliable method that I can do from home. If this doesn't work I'm not sure what I'll do, but I guess it will be try a method that will involve more suffering. I've tried overdosing before but it's failed as I don't have access to much more than OTC stuff (I know there's the dark web but I don't want to go down that route). Thought about dehydration but I don't think I'll be able to resist SI. I don't want to jump or go in front of a train as I don't want to potentially affect other people and I want it to be a private affair.

Not sure what I want from this post, I just wish it was easier to go when there's clearly no hope of a future. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember, have tried all sorts of therapy and meds, lifestyle changes, etc. I also have a bunch of other mental health conditions. I am isolated, alone, detached, feel no joy, and full of obsessive thoughts and pain. I have searched for years for life's meaning, and I keep coming up empty. All this suffering is for nothing. This is my body and my mind, so why can't I tell it to just stop?

 

[FuneralCry]

It's just so horrible and cruel how people cannot just have the option to easily die in peace when they wish to, I hate how existence doesn't come with an permanent offswitch to eternally find relief from all suffering. But anyway I wish you the best of luck with your plans.

 

[viljalauss]

I've just ordered SN from abroad to the UK. I know I'm taking a risk, both because the source I used has mixed reviews, and it going through customs. I just couldn't find any other sources and am running out of options. I'm desperate for a reliable method that I can do from home. If this doesn't work I'm not sure what I'll do, but I guess it will be try a method that will involve more suffering. I've tried overdosing before but it's failed as I don't have access to much more than OTC stuff (I know there's the dark web but I don't want to go down that route). Thought about dehydration but I don't think I'll be able to resist SI. I don't want to jump or go in front of a train as I don't want to potentially affect other people and I want it to be a private affair.

Not sure what I want from this post, I just wish it was easier to go when there's clearly no hope of a future. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember, have tried all sorts of therapy and meds, lifestyle changes, etc. I also have a bunch of other mental health conditions. I am isolated, alone, detached, feel no joy, and full of obsessive thoughts and pain. I have searched for years for life's meaning, and I keep coming up empty. All this suffering is for nothing. This is my body and my mind, so why can't I tell it to just stop?

yeah i feel you, both on the desperation regarding methods and general pain ): i wish you only peace.

i'm in the uk as well and while i haven't ordered because i don't know if the source i have ships with discreet packaging (scared of welfare check) i keep having this fear like uk sn sources / avenues are gonna dry up any moment and i'll have to resort to a far worse method (i also don't wanna go through the dark web). if you want to, feel free to let us know how it goes (if it gets to the uk, if it's intercepted / you get a welfare check or anything like that).

 

[IsThisEverything]

yeah i feel you, both on the desperation regarding methods and general pain ): i wish you only peace.

i'm in the uk as well and while i haven't ordered because i don't know if the source i have ships with discreet packaging (scared of welfare check) i keep having this fear like uk sn sources / avenues are gonna dry up any moment and i'll have to resort to a far worse method (i also don't wanna go through the dark web). if you want to, feel free to let us know how it goes (if it gets to the uk, if it's intercepted / you get a welfare check or anything like that).

I'm frustrated that I didn't order sooner, when it used to be freely available. I will update on whether it arrives or not, and if there's any consequences. I also plan to test the purity.

 

[gbi2]

I might have already tried ordering SN if knew I was going to be penniless by now but I had a job lined up which they have now retracted the offer for (fing NHS) for dubious reasons/lies so the lack of funds has hit me immediately.

I wouldn't want to use an overdraft to do it but please keep this updated if you receive it as I'd like to know. As I can't get Night Night to work and I'm not confident using two instant barbecues in the bedroom would be enough of a guarantee, I'm slowly accepting I might need to drive to the chalk cliffs, look like a tourist and hope I can muster the courage to step over. But if I could source SN by the 27th that might be a better option. I can't find anywhere to get some and I'll only have one shot at it.