Venting Ordered finally Nitrogen and they called me

[Shewaitsforme]

Just got back from the doctors, waste of time. As usual met with the feeling of being sat there and you know they are thinking well your not dead so you cant be that bad. Bringing up things from when i was a kid, that has nothing to do with it, i dealt with that. This need to die isnt about that at all.

You give help a try and it gets thrown in your face and im just pure tired of it. 2 days for delivery. These people who train to be in these jobs dont seem like they have the slightest real understanding. Ah well game over for me, waiting game now. Like i want to go to groups to draw and be creative thats not going to solve anything.

 

[Shewaitsforme]

The company called, i just said i have a DS3 and the pressure in the tyres keeps dropping, a mechanic friend advised to get nitrogen and he will fill it for me. Man said, thats cool ill get it dispatched today for you.

PHEW

 

[Goldie]

Wooooow, I'm happy you had something ready to say to them. At the same time its nice to hear the company are bothering to call people to check what it is being used for.

 

[TiredHorse]

Nice! Good cover story!

 

[TAW122]

Yeah therapists and mental health counselors are mostly useless. On the other hand, well done on the cover story/excuse and I'm glad you will receive the Nitrogen soon.

 

[Shewaitsforme]

Its arrived, 10l cyclinder, only ordered yesterday. Its huge but couldnt find a smaller one close to me. Nerves are setting just need the exit bag stuff, that seems alittle harder to go get. Dont know if im nervous, excited or what. I know its not going to hurt but this is the closest ive been to actually doing it. Its crazy, i could be gone any time now.

 

[BurningLights]

Don't be nervous, death is just another state of being

 

[_habs1999]

i'm new here. am i allowed to tell you to wait on this? please? i'm sorry i don't think i'm supposed to but i can't help it. can you direct message me

 

[Shewaitsforme]

i'm new here. am i allowed to tell you to wait on this? please? i'm sorry i don't think i'm supposed to but i can't help it. can you direct message me

I cant DM you think its because youve not been on long enough. I wont do it righr now. I though getting it would bring a sense of peace but it hasnt tbh. Im not an impulsive person so i wont do it right now. I need to be 100% sure. Its like thoughts of what happens when you die are now in my head, not something ive really thought about untill seeing the nitrogen. Its just lying in the hallway

 

[_habs1999]

I cant DM you think its because youve not been on long enough. I wont do it righr now. I though getting it would bring a sense of peace but it hasnt tbh. Im not an impulsive person so i wont do it right now. I need to be 100% sure. Its like thoughts of what happens when you die are now in my head, not something ive really thought about untill seeing the nitrogen. Its just lying in the hallway

those are scary thoughts to have. good to hear you won't do it now. would you like my phone number so we can chat? i don't mind momentarily posting here

 

[_habs1999]

those are scary thoughts to have. good to hear you won't do it now. would you like my phone number so we can chat? i don't mind momentarily posting here

i'm going to sleep now because i have class in the morning and i won't be awake to delete my number. promise you won't do it until i at least stick around long enough to be able to dm ya?

 

[TiredHorse]

My N2 tank is standing in a corner of my pantry, waiting. I look at it several times a day. I practice donning my exit bag a couple times a day; I think I could do it in my sleep by now (which makes me wish I were a sleepwaker!). It's a relief knowing I can ctb whenever I need, but that doesn't actually make it any easier to ctb.

Like you, Shewaitsforme, I am not an impulsive person. It would be a hell of a lot easier to ctb if I were. I'm not so afraid of death as I am half clinging to a deluded hope that something in my life will change for the better, and half pathetically thinking, "but if I leave now, I won't be around to see what happens next." Never mind that there's no question the horror show will continue to get worse, and it's already quite bad enough to make me miserable, I still want to see the last scene.

And then there's that damnable human survival instinct that foiled me three times, three Mondays running.

As much as it sounds pro-life, if you're taking votes I will advocate for you to wait on ctb until you absolutely must --just as I would advocate to anyone here. Once you catch it, the bus never turns around.

 

[Ashpac]

The company called, i just said i have a DS3 and the pressure in the tyres keeps dropping, a mechanic friend advised to get nitrogen and he will fill it for me. Man said, thats cool ill get it dispatched today for you.

PHEW

Great thinking. As long as you have a quick comeback most people just believe you.