opportunity.

[SadB0iHour]

just going to word vomit because I need to work this out somewhere.

I'm 33. married for 12 years. 3 kids. C-PTSD from C:SA, autism, depression, passively suicidal for as long as i can remember. attempted once when I was 8 years old by taking handfuls of extra strength tylenol. didn't die, obviously. just spent a few days vomiting bile. fast forward to adulthood and I haven't had a break in 12 years save for hospital stays when I popped another baby out.
I booked a hotel room impulsively for next Monday, just because I broke and realized that I needed a single night to myself.
and now I see that it's an opportunity. and I don't know what to do with that.
what would be the easiest way? I don't have access to guns. or any money of my own to secure other means.
I don't want to fuck it up and have things end up worse than they are.
maybe I should just watch anime and take an edible and let it be an actual break. see if I feel any different after.
or maybe I should just commit.
I don't know. I'm just so tired.

 

[Redacted24]

A rushed, ill thought through try is a risk factor for failure to achieve your intended goal and might result in things being worse due to side effects.

To me, the option to just have a quiet night, a nice dinner, relax and watch some hotel movies sounds delightful!

Go do the things you can't... be a person unto yourself.

(And if you want, tell us how it went because I'm wishing I could do the same)

 

[Abyss Dweller]

maybe I should just watch anime and take an edible and let it be an actual break. see if I feel any different after.

This sounds like a lot better option. Do this pls