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apearl

apearl

mitski fan
Sep 25, 2023
130
I was doom-scrolling on twitter and found this tweet and wanted to know people on here's opinions.
Screenshot 13
Personally I think that calling sadness "self-obsession" is wrong when looking at mental illnesses, but I haven't actually watched the video so maybe she accounts for that.
 
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Nervous young man

Nervous young man

WARNING: Books may cause unseemly outbursts
Feb 3, 2025
76
I don't think this is real discourse or more than a seriously sad self report.
 
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KillingPain267

KillingPain267

Enlightened
Apr 15, 2024
1,682
"Just be happy bro"
 
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ma0

ma0

How did I get here?
Dec 20, 2024
366
I mean... It kind of is? But more so obsessed with one's shortcomings and flaws rather than being selfish or something like that.

I do think saying "self-obsession" is the wrong way to put it though. I'd say it's more like hyper analysis.
 
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sadwriter

sadwriter

Student
Aug 29, 2023
184
Yeah, sounds like she's talking about her own relationship to "sadness/ depression as an aesthetic" in the social media age, slash, more generally, over romanticizing one's sadness and wallowing in it. (I've watched the very beginning.) I wouldn't exactly call being medically depressed a "self obsession". When it comes to situations where someone is genuinely just burrowing deeper into their sadness & romanticizing it instead of taking productive steps to feel better, well, I personally wouldn't yell at them for being "self obsessed" either– I'm more in favor of trying to be empathetic– but hey, if tough love works for you (slash her) on yourself, more power to ya.
 
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Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
10,855
Sure it is- to an extent. It's pretty hard not to be self obsessed when you're sad though. We're sentient beings that have heightened awareness of ourselves and the space we live in. Some of the things that happen in our lives are deeply unpleasant.

Someone we care about dies, we become unwell, something we've worked very hard to achieve at, we fail in, someone says or does something cruel to us. Those things- surely rightly cause us to be unhappy. Maybe the real problems occur when we can't bring ourselves out of that emotion. So, we almost become obsessed with the emotion itself. We notice all the time that we feel sad.

That's surely a question a lot of people are asking themselves througout the day though: 'How am I? Does anything hurt? Does anything need fixing?' Surely, that's how we self regulate. We're constantly aware of our needs. Am I hungry, thirsty, too hot or cold, how am I feeling? I think we're maybe 'fixers' by nature. We look for problems and try to fix them. When we can't though, we get kind of obsessive about it. Like- shit- I'm still unhappy. What can I do about it?

Plus, if it gets too bad, we may reach a point where we find it difficult to work. Difficult to find the energy to look after ourselves. So- with less task based activities to occupy our brains, they likely will obsess about our sadness even more.

Plus, I think we can start to find a kind of comfort in it. Feelings of sadness, apathy, lethargy can also lead us to not challenge ourselves. That can feel like a nice break if all you've been encouraged to do in life is push yourself, face your fears, take risks. It can be nice to let yourself off the hook as it were.

What's the alternative though? Distract ourselves by obsessing over something else? Work? Who does that benefit? Our (likely fairly heartless) pay masters. Relationships? Too much obsession towards another surely leads to things like codependency, which isn't healthy either.

I think more though, there's this assumption that if only people live a more 'normal' life. Where they interact with others, have a busy schedule, have lots of things to think about- that will stop them being sad. I know from experience that it doesn't though. You simply get home from work, exhausted from the day itself and having to put on a facade and just cry your eyes out!

I remember Stephen Fry talking about depression and those doubters who say it isn't real. He compared that to someone standing in a rainstorm but swearing that it wasn't raining. Surely- we're either sad or, we're not. Maybe there are things we can do to move ourselves beyond that emotion but, maybe not always.
 
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KillingPain267

KillingPain267

Enlightened
Apr 15, 2024
1,682
Sure it is- to an extent. It's pretty hard not to be self obsessed when you're sad though. We're sentient beings that have heightened awareness of ourselves and the space we live in. Some of the things that happen in our lives are deeply unpleasant.

Someone we care about dies, we become unwell, something we've worked very hard to achieve at, we fail in, someone says or does something cruel to us. Those things- surely rightly cause us to be unhappy. Maybe the real problems occur when we can't bring ourselves out of that emotion. So, we almost become obsessed with the emotion itself. We notice all the time that we feel sad.

That's surely a question a lot of people are asking themselves througout the day though: 'How am I? Does anything hurt? Does anything need fixing?' Surely, that's how we self regulate. We're constantly aware of our needs. Am I hungry, thirsty, too hot or cold, how am I feeling? I think we're maybe 'fixers' by nature. We look for problems and try to fix them. When we can't though, we get kind of obsessive about it. Like- shit- I'm still unhappy. What can I do about it?

Plus, if it gets too bad, we may reach a point where we find it difficult to work. Difficult to find the energy to look after ourselves. So- with less task based activities to occupy our brains, they likely will obsess about our sadness even more.

Plus, I think we can start to find a kind of comfort in it. Feelings of sadness, apathy, lethargy can also lead us to not challenge ourselves. That can feel like a nice break if all you've been encouraged to do in life is push yourself, face your fears, take risks. It can be nice to let yourself off the hook as it were.

What's the alternative though? Distract ourselves by obsessing over something else? Work? Who does that benefit? Our (likely fairly heartless) pay masters. Relationships? Too much obsession towards another surely leads to things like codependency, which isn't healthy either.

I think more though, there's this assumption that if only people live a more 'normal' life. Where they interact with others, have a busy schedule, have lots of things to think about- that will stop them being sad. I know from experience that it doesn't though. You simply get home from work, exhausted from the day itself and having to put on a facade and just cry your eyes out!

I remember Stephen Fry talking about depression and those doubters who say it isn't real. He compared that to someone standing in a rainstorm but swearing that it wasn't raining. Surely- we're either sad or, we're not. Maybe there are things we can do to move ourselves beyond that emotion but, maybe not always.
As if anyone wants to be sad on purpose. I personally try to suppress my negative thoughts, but they always pop up eventually feeling like it's not something I can control. That's why some people like me seek to numb emotions with substances despite knowing how poisonous it is. I would prefer not being in that abyss, but it's not easy to just switch off. When I hear people like the person in the video say things like that, and saying they fixed themselves, I cannot help but think they haven't experienced real depression.
 
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Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
10,855
As if anyone wants to be sad on purpose. I personally try to suppress my negative thoughts, but they always pop up eventually feeling like it's not something I can control. That's why some people like me seek to numb emotions with substances despite knowing how poisonous it is. I would prefer not being in that abyss, but it's not easy to just switch off. When I hear people like the person in the video say things like that, and saying they fixed themselves, I cannot help but think they haven't experienced real depression.


To be honest, I didn't watch the video. I find that kind of stuff really irritating. Plus, I would agree. I think there are different levels of depression. I am still able to function, I just find it difficult. I'm not even sure that I am depressed although, maybe. I'd personally admit that I could do more to help myself but, I chose not to out of fear and lazyness. Although, surely apathy is a part of depression.

I was thinking around this whole question more today though and it struck me- who are the more self obsessed? Happy or unhappy people? If we look around the world at all the suffering- and there is shit loads of it going on- how can a truly selfless person actually be happy in such a world? Presumably, because things are going reasonably well for them personally. So- who's the more selfish person now? Surely, it's the one who can block out all the awful things happening to everyone else and just focus on what they want.
 
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Anonymoususer1234

Anonymoususer1234

Experienced
Apr 13, 2023
225
Makes sense in a way. Sadness makes it very hard to see past yourself and your own insecurities, wants and needs. At least in my experience.
 
ShatteredSerenity

ShatteredSerenity

I talk to God, but the sky is empty.
Nov 24, 2024
630
I read the transcript and did my best to understand her reasoning, although it's got a heavy Gen Z vibe that went over my head sometimes. There are two levels to her argument, a shallow surface level that's she spends bulk of the video discussing, and a much deeper level she only briefly mentions but is much more meaningful.

On the surface her argument that "sadness is self-obsession" would fall under the category of logical fallacy known as causal reductionism or fallacy of the single cause. It implicitly assumes that sadness is always caused by self-obsession, when there are in fact many causes of sadness that wouldn't be considered self-obsessed. For example, people who have a strong sense of empathy can feel sadness for others without reference to themselves. Some things that often make me feel sad are:
  • innocent civilians having their homes destroyed and their lives completely upended in Gaza, Ukraine, and elsewhere
  • seeing homeless people living in the streets
  • victims of child abuse and neglect suffering trauma that lasts a lifetime
Those things don't impact me directly, and the sadness stems from envisioning what people in those situations experience and how it makes them feel. That's empathy, the very antithesis of self-obsession. The YouTube video didn't address these other causes of sadness, she just brings up "Sad Girls" and people acting sad as part of a persona. I think the video mostly reflects her own self-obsession and narcissism (she admits herself that she's an egomaniac).

It would be accurate to say that self-obsession often causes sadness. This is what the majority of her video is actually talking about, it's well known and her advice could be helpful for her viewers. Her advice is simplistic - just be happy - but at least it's aiming in the right direction.

On a much deeper level this argument can be related to Buddhism, and she does briefly mention the Buddha in the video. The Buddha taught that the root of all suffering is craving, or attachment. We grasp at things we believe will bring pleasure, and avoid things we dislike. If you learn to let go of the attachment, you can attain Nirvana and no longer experience suffering. If you interpret "sadness" as suffering (dukkha), and "self-obsession" as attachment then it makes more sense, but it's so deep you'll end up spending a lifetime working to understand and practice it.
 
KillingPain267

KillingPain267

Enlightened
Apr 15, 2024
1,682
To be honest, I didn't watch the video. I find that kind of stuff really irritating. Plus, I would agree. I think there are different levels of depression. I am still able to function, I just find it difficult. I'm not even sure that I am depressed although, maybe. I'd personally admit that I could do more to help myself but, I chose not to out of fear and lazyness. Although, surely apathy is a part of depression.

I was thinking around this whole question more today though and it struck me- who are the more self obsessed? Happy or unhappy people? If we look around the world at all the suffering- and there is shit loads of it going on- how can a truly selfless person actually be happy in such a world? Presumably, because things are going reasonably well for them personally. So- who's the more selfish person now? Surely, it's the one who can block out all the awful things happening to everyone else and just focus on what they want.
Exactly. A truly selfless person is also self-sacrificial, and does what others expect no matter how much it hurts. This person will not be happy, but grieved. It's actually offensive or condescending to be happy go lucky in front of a person in mourning. Try to go to a funeral with a big smile on your face, lol.
 
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manicstreetbeeper

manicstreetbeeper

just trying
Feb 14, 2025
53
it sounds familiar to toxic posivity bullcrap. sadness is an emotion that's usually a response to external circumstances or just due to a chemical imbalance in the brain. under some situations it might constitute self obsession, but generalizing and applying that to all situations just sounds like projection.
 
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