Opening up was a big mistake

[NPCaesar]

Idk, if this is going to be a long post or not, but its a tiny rant about my experience. A little explainer, I don't want to discourage anyone from opening up about your problems, just because it didnt work out for me, doesnt mean, that it wont work for you, life can be beautiful, people can be beautiful, but this is my experience.

First up a bit of information about me, that might be important. Iam M18, turning 19 this december (ik, that Iam very young, pls dont be mad) from Germany, school goes up to 13th grade here, so Iam in my last year now.

So you always hear these stories from those people about "opening up" and the fact that "people are there for you and care about you". Well I decided to listen to this "advice" and actually try it. So I talked to one of my teachers a few weeks ago, told her how I felt and about my plans and about how I dont want to tell my parents, eventough I rly love them, I dont think that theyd understand and I told her everything else. At first, it seemed to be going well, she told me, that she could understand me, that she respected my decision not to talk to my parents, that she was proud of me for opening up, that Iam not a lost cause, because many people dont even open up, she also said that she would get in touch with one of those school psychologists, in who she really puts trust in and that this psychologist, some woman I cant remember the name of, would get in touch with me (what she didnt do until yet).

What she did do however, was forcing my teacher to call my parents a week ago and tell them everything, like wtf. My teacher apologised to me, saying that she tried to reason with that woman, but because I still go to school and my problems arent "school related", she was forced to tell my parents, because of some fucked up law. That psychologist also said, that because of my problems arent "school related", I need to find another therapist, because she is only responsible for problems, that occur in school. I however understand my teacher for doing what she did, Iam also believing her, that she didnt want to that, that she was forced by this psychologist. But now the relationship between me and my parents has gotten so weird, its not this normal family relationship anymore, its something you cant even describe. My father hasnt talked to me for a few days now, I think he is mad at himself for never realising. Whenever I talk to my mother now, the conversations are just awkward, the only one I still have somewhat good of a relationship with, is my brother, who is older then me and who moved out long ago, but thats because he has no clue of whats going, yet.

I shouldve listened to this site, and shouldve never told someone.

 

[avoid]

Don't take this as real advice because (1) I don't know your relationship with your family and (2) I haven't been in such a situation myself. Excuse my assumptions if they are completely wrong.

I assume that you haven't discussed your negative thoughts with your parents yet. So the awkwardness in the conversations may stem from not knowing what the other person thinks. Your parents had to learn about your negative thoughts from another person. So they may be anxious to talk about it with you because they know you approached your teacher instead of them. They don't want to worsen it either. And you don't know what your parents think of you because the taboo subject is avoided. So I think you should clear the air and start an open dialogue with your parents about what happened.

If you talk with them then consider these points. (1) Be explicit about whether you want to talk about your thoughts or not. (2) Perhaps tell them when you started to have negative thoughts to make a point about still being you. That you're as much yourself as you were a week ago, or a month or year ago. (3) Parents fear the worst for their children so if you're not suicidal then tell this. However, if they think that you're "just having negative thoughts" then talking about being suicidal or not may give them the wrong idea. (4) And perhaps tell them why you went to your teacher instead of your parents. I assume it's because you didn't want your relationship with your parents to change.

I hope that I didn't overstep myself in case you were just looking to vent. Whatever you do, I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Kempel556]

I´ve had experiences with people telling me I should see a psychologist because I tried to OD and failed, but I came to the conclusion that telling other people how you feel is almost impossible because they could never understand so I prefer to keep things to myself as much as I can, because I know that if I told someone in my family they would rush me to a mental facility and leave me there to be tortured. Once I tried opening up to a friend of mine and they just laughed and tought I was joking, so I never did it again.
Wishing you all the best for what lies ahead

 

[passivethought121]

School psychologists are the worst. They'll either snitch regardless (as in your case). Or, they'll lie and tell you they won't say a thing and tell everyone everything behind your back. Hoping the best for you.

 

[SexyIncél]

What she did do however, was forcing my teacher to call my parents a week ago and tell them everything, like wtf. My teacher apologised to me, saying that she tried to reason with that woman, but because I still go to school and my problems arent "school related", she was forced to tell my parents, because of some fucked up law.

I'm sorry to hear this shitshow!

Yeah, at least she apologized; but was cowardly enough to say she was 'forced'. If she were smart — most teachers aren't, they're unfit to teach — she'd have been more careful & probed the shrink (psychologist). If the shrink freaked out, ultimately the teacher could lie & say the shrink misunderstood

Anyway yeah, at least you probed the system & found out how screwups & conventional thinking cost people

I try to preempt mistakes... but when I fuck up, then I have to fix it. If I don't fix it, I try to help bear the costs. Your teacher neither preempts, nor fixes, nor bears costs

 

[Dr. Henjin]

Yeah, I fucked up opening up my ex about it. Should've read this forum more beforehand. But a person in authority? Never. They operate on protocols, it's a machine and you'll definitely get snitched on or put away. I'm wary of even calling the suicide hotline for that reason tbh.

 

[dmdmdm]

Idk, if this is going to be a long post or not, but its a tiny rant about my experience. A little explainer, I don't want to discourage anyone from opening up about your problems, just because it didnt work out for me, doesnt mean, that it wont work for you, life can be beautiful, people can be beautiful, but this is my experience.

First up a bit of information about me, that might be important. Iam M18, turning 19 this december (ik, that Iam very young, pls dont be mad) from Germany, school goes up to 13th grade here, so Iam in my last year now.

So you always hear these stories from those people about "opening up" and the fact that "people are there for you and care about you". Well I decided to listen to this "advice" and actually try it. So I talked to one of my teachers a few weeks ago, told her how I felt and about my plans and about how I dont want to tell my parents, eventough I rly love them, I dont think that theyd understand and I told her everything else. At first, it seemed to be going well, she told me, that she could understand me, that she respected my decision not to talk to my parents, that she was proud of me for opening up, that Iam not a lost cause, because many people dont even open up, she also said that she would get in touch with one of those school psychologists, in who she really puts trust in and that this psychologist, some woman I cant remember the name of, would get in touch with me (what she didnt do until yet).

What she did do however, was forcing my teacher to call my parents a week ago and tell them everything, like wtf. My teacher apologised to me, saying that she tried to reason with that woman, but because I still go to school and my problems arent "school related", she was forced to tell my parents, because of some fucked up law. That psychologist also said, that because of my problems arent "school related", I need to find another therapist, because she is only responsible for problems, that occur in school. I however understand my teacher for doing what she did, Iam also believing her, that she didnt want to that, that she was forced by this psychologist. But now the relationship between me and my parents has gotten so weird, its not this normal family relationship anymore, its something you cant even describe. My father hasnt talked to me for a few days now, I think he is mad at himself for never realising. Whenever I talk to my mother now, the conversations are just awkward, the only one I still have somewhat good of a relationship with, is my brother, who is older then me and who moved out long ago, but thats because he has no clue of whats going, yet. I wasnt sure, if I wanted to die before, but Iam now, so congratulations, you made a life actively worse, good job!

I shouldve listened to this site, and shouldve never told someone.

Hey, ich bin auch 18, auch in der 13 Klasse, habe auch mit Lehrern geredet und denke auch sehr viel über Selbstmord nach. Wollen wir uns vielleicht im Privatchat ein bisschen austauschen, unsere Situationen sind ziemlich ähnlich. Wenn nicht dann verstehe ich das natürlich auch

 

[SmollMushroom]

Omg I can relate soo much with this... Some years ago I decided to open up with some of my relatives I was very close with, about my anxiety and my difficulties with staying among groups of people.
I expected they would understand, but it backfired so hard.
They now think I'm making everything up, that it's up to me to be wanting to stay among others or not, and that mental illness doesn't really exists.
They proved to be so ignorant and bigoted I couldn't believe it.
Sometimes I think it's a cope mechanism, like that they don't wanna believe it's true. But that just ends up hurting me even more...
I wish I would have read them better...

 

[strawb12]

yeah many people have had similar experiences. The one I've had that pisses me off the most is that I admitted to still having suicidal ideation to my psychiatrist. I didn't have any intent or plans at the time so there was no reason to tell my parent, & she still did. I really liked this person as my psychiatrist too, I thought she was different. Never trusting her again, she ruined so much trust I had built up with my mum. I'm sure there are a few exceptions but for most people the only people you can trust with the truth about being suicidal & your feelings around it are people who are pro-choice or people who are also suicidal.

 

[Minsu]

I can't imagine that any psychologist would react on our desire to ctb like "oh that's a good idea, you're in an unsolvable situation, just ctb yourself".
Therefore I won't open me up ever