WhatDoesTheFoxSay?
Hold your head high, and your middle finger higher
- Dec 25, 2020
- 1,115
Preaching to the choir for the nth time.
Mum and I had a chat about work. I'm currently working part time at a Japanese restaurant that specialises in handmade dumplings and Japanese-style Chinese cuisine. With the lifting of Covid restrictions, you can expect crowds even on weekdays, and often parents would bring their kids along. With that being said, I remarked that I don't find babies and children cute, they don't make me go "aww" (I just feel "meh" about everything), nor do I possess a maternal instinct to care for them unconditionally. As such, I am not interested having kids or starting a family.
On a separate occasion, my manager feedbacked to me to be more mindful when I work, instead of acting blindly without thinking. It's more than a little troubling that my former coworkers have made similar comments, and sometimes I do feel like a robot going through the motions. I expressed my fear of becoming like my father who to me, does not seem to enjoy anything he does, treating everything, including family outings, like a chore.
Mum was visibly upset. When I was finished, all I got in response was a rhetorical "Why can't you 'inject some colour' into your life?", and that I should 'stop making myself miserable'. When I asked whether I should go to therapy or seek counselling, she insisted that I should not depend on others to fix my own problems. I understand that people like her were born, raised and educated in a totally different era, with strong stigmatising beliefs about mental illness and help-seeking. However, it's frustrating that even those closest to you have in mind a checklist about the qualities you should have, and judge you by said checklist. They love the idea of you, rather than who you truly are, and are irked by your flaws and insecurities. They don't know what is like to derive absolutely no pleasure from the things that people normally enjoy.
That's why I keep to myself. I don't think I need further convincing that opening yourself up to the average Joe or plain Jane is like talking to a brick wall, hence a complete waste of time.
Mum and I had a chat about work. I'm currently working part time at a Japanese restaurant that specialises in handmade dumplings and Japanese-style Chinese cuisine. With the lifting of Covid restrictions, you can expect crowds even on weekdays, and often parents would bring their kids along. With that being said, I remarked that I don't find babies and children cute, they don't make me go "aww" (I just feel "meh" about everything), nor do I possess a maternal instinct to care for them unconditionally. As such, I am not interested having kids or starting a family.
On a separate occasion, my manager feedbacked to me to be more mindful when I work, instead of acting blindly without thinking. It's more than a little troubling that my former coworkers have made similar comments, and sometimes I do feel like a robot going through the motions. I expressed my fear of becoming like my father who to me, does not seem to enjoy anything he does, treating everything, including family outings, like a chore.
Mum was visibly upset. When I was finished, all I got in response was a rhetorical "Why can't you 'inject some colour' into your life?", and that I should 'stop making myself miserable'. When I asked whether I should go to therapy or seek counselling, she insisted that I should not depend on others to fix my own problems. I understand that people like her were born, raised and educated in a totally different era, with strong stigmatising beliefs about mental illness and help-seeking. However, it's frustrating that even those closest to you have in mind a checklist about the qualities you should have, and judge you by said checklist. They love the idea of you, rather than who you truly are, and are irked by your flaws and insecurities. They don't know what is like to derive absolutely no pleasure from the things that people normally enjoy.
That's why I keep to myself. I don't think I need further convincing that opening yourself up to the average Joe or plain Jane is like talking to a brick wall, hence a complete waste of time.
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