Opening up is a scam.

[struggles_inc]

There are many people who recommend to talk to your close ones about your feelings. I did. I regret it so much.

In winter I hit a really low point and made a stupid failed CTB attempt. After that I decided enough is enough and told about it to my friends and my partner. I said I was going through a very rough time and I asked them to be patient and be close to me. I asked them to give me a little bit more love.

I have no friends now. They started isolating me one by one. Last time I talked with most of them was May-June. My best friend talks to me once a month if I'm lucky. I guess they all saw me as a liability.

Right now I talk only to my boyfriend, who sees my alcohol problem as a fun quirk, and to my mom, who is completely unaware of my mental condition and has only seen my wrist scars from sh.

I don't remember when was the last time someone was genuinely concerned about me.

I'm never asking anyone to care again.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm sorry for what you went through. Unfortunately, you're right about opening up being a scam. Many pro lifers talk about how we can just open up but, once we do, it ends horribly as they're unable to handle it. I think that people on this site, on average, care more about what we go through than people irl. I guess it takes suffering ourselves to be empathetic of what others are going through?

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

I feel this.

I just want a few friends who understand what this pain is like so that I have an occasional support when I need some social something, which sadly humans need. They all walked away. Good.

 

[struggles_inc]

I'm sorry for what you went through. Unfortunately, you're right about opening up being a scam. Many pro lifers talk about how we can just open up but, once we do, it ends horribly as they're unable to handle it. I think that people on this site, on average, care more about what we go through than people irl. I guess it takes suffering ourselves to be empathetic of what others are going through?

I think other people can handle you 'opening up' only when you reach out about something simple. Like, idk, getting a bad grade? I'm not sure what simple is anymore because I can break down from dropping my food on the floor, but you get it right? Like, I opened up to my bf about being raped, when he made a rape-joke, and he just didn't know what to say. I guess it's too much for them.

I feel this.

I just want a few friends who understand what this pain is like so that I have an occasional support when I need some social something, which sadly humans need. They all walked away. Good.

So true. People just say you need to talk to a therapist, not understanding that a therapist is not your friend, this has nothing to do with social interaction. I never asked anyone for solutions to my problems. I only asked for affection.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I think other people can handle you 'opening up' only when you reach out about something simple. Like, idk, getting a bad grade? I'm not sure what simple is anymore because I can break down from dropping my food on the floor, but you get it right? Like, I opened up to my bf about being raped, when he made a rape-joke, and he just didn't know what to say. I guess it's too much for them.

I agree. I don't want to downplay anybody's issues but I think that the issues that we go through on this site are extreme compared to the types of issues that pro lifers are used to. Like you said, they can handle it if you open up about something simple but our issues are far from simple. Oh, also, sorry about getting raped. I hope your pain eases soon

 

[struggles_inc]

I agree. I don't want to downplay anybody's issues but I think that the issues that we go through on this site are extreme compared to the types of issues that pro lifers are used to. Like you said, they can handle it if you open up about something simple but our issues are far from simple. Oh, also, sorry about getting raped. I hope your pain eases soon

That's OK. It happened a decade ago.
Yeah, same. I don't mean to compare issues, but I feel like pro lifers either don't understand the struggle or they block it out. Like my dad. My dad was a veteran, he's seen war and I'm 100% sure he had PTSD. He, however, never confronted it directly, ran from his own consciousness, ended up with a heart disease and passed away.

 

[Valhala]

Opening up to others in relation to CTB intentions is certainly mostly counterproductive and, with very rare exceptions, can mostly only bring you new troubles and problems. Why is this mostly so? In order to answer this question, it is necessary to cover a very wide range of factors and reasons, but a crucial reason would be a coded social anathema regarding CTB which, automatically, is accepted by the majority of the population without deep thinking. Religious dogmas in this regard also have their huge influence. If you contact friends who really care about you, they will also react to the mention of your CTB plan very negative and without the understanding that you somehow logically expect. As you are important to them, they do not want to lose you and will be uncompromisingly against it. Is it selfish? Partly yes, although I would underline that they probably do not have bad intentions. Socio-religious indoctrination and the need to have you by their side is stronger than their capacity to try to really understand you, it's simply a wall, a blockade that almost no one is able to cross, except in the case that they themselves have gone through (or are going through) similar difficulties and confrontations. in all other cases, expect misunderstanding, harsh opposition and, in more extreme cases, even some kind of rejection by them. In the case of people you consider your friends but they are not, you will also be met with a negative attitude and rejection, however, as they actually they don't care about you, the root of the negative attitude here is solely in socio-religious indoctrination and the automatic rejection of such, in their opinion, "socially unacceptable procedure".

 

[struggles_inc]

Opening up to others in relation to CTB intentions is certainly mostly counterproductive and, with very rare exceptions, can mostly only bring you new troubles and problems. Why is this mostly so? In order to answer this question, it is necessary to cover a very wide range of factors and reasons, but a crucial reason would be a coded social anathema regarding CTB which, automatically, is accepted by the majority of the population without deep thinking. Religious dogmas in this regard also have their huge influence. If you contact friends who really care about you, they will also react to the mention of your CTB plan very negative and without the understanding that you somehow logically expect. As you are important to them, they do not want to lose you and will be uncompromisingly against it. Is it selfish? Partly yes, although I would underline that they probably do not have bad intentions. Socio-religious indoctrination and the need to have you by their side is stronger than their capacity to try to really understand you, it's simply a wall, a blockade that almost no one is able to cross, except in the case that they themselves have gone through (or are going through) similar difficulties and confrontations. in all other cases, expect misunderstanding, harsh opposition and, in more extreme cases, even some kind of rejection by them. In the case of people you consider your friends but they are not, you will also be met with a negative attitude and rejection, however, as they actually they don't care about you, the root of the negative attitude here is solely in socio-religious indoctrination and the automatic rejection of such, in their opinion, "socially unacceptable procedure".

Though I understand your point, I don't know if that's totally set in stone. I feel like people are likely to withdraw if you threaten with suicide or just include them in your struggle on a regular basis. Which, from my perspective, was not my case? I confessed about my attempt but only asked for affirmation/affection.
Might be different from their perspective. Probably is. But still, it's hard for me to wrap my head around why asking for support would be so detrimental to a relationship.

 

[F@#$]

There are many people who recommend to talk to your close ones about your feelings. I did. I regret it so much.

In winter I hit a really low point and made a stupid failed CTB attempt. After that I decided enough is enough and told about it to my friends and my partner. I said I was going through a very rough time and I asked them to be patient and be close to me. I asked them to give me a little bit more love.

I have no friends now. They started isolating me one by one. Last time I talked with most of them was May-June. My best friend talks to me once a month if I'm lucky. I guess they all saw me as a liability.

Right now I talk only to my boyfriend, who sees my alcohol problem as a fun quirk, and to my mom, who is completely unaware of my mental condition and has only seen my wrist scars from sh.

I don't remember when was the last time someone was genuinely concerned about me.

I'm never asking anyone to care again.

That sucks,unfortunately I learned the same lesson. I keep my true intentions silent.

 

[struggles_inc]

Wow so many people visiting the thread, hi everyone

 

[Valhala]

Though I understand your point, I don't know if that's totally set in stone. I feel like people are likely to withdraw if you threaten with suicide or just include them in your struggle on a regular basis. Which, from my perspective, was not my case? I confessed about my attempt but only asked for affirmation/affection.
Might be different from their perspective. Probably is. But still, it's hard for me to wrap my head around why asking for support would be so detrimental to a relationship.

Only because there is a huge probability that you will encounter a wall of misunderstanding for the above reasons, which can only result in additional problems and disappointment. If you do not have too many expectations, you will not be disappointed, and in that case the opening is not necessarily bad, but it is questionable how expedient it is.

 

[Ol Messier 87]

I wouldn't say it's necessarily a scam in all circumstances, but I do think that expecting wise advice or even just kind and appropriate words from people who have never experienced it themselves is just too much to ask. The few times I've brought this subject up with my wife (I don't even know why...), she was in a state of nervousness that seems almost irrational: this is nothing but fear and it is too much to take for most people.

 

[kkamasal]

I've had no friends for a long time and I've kept them from coming because I know I ll be away from someone anyway
They'll never understand me and that's why they'll stay away from me when I'm honest with my feelings Theres no point because I know they're coming to me for their own benefit or fun....

 

[Hotsackage]

Keep that stuff for things like this forum, the minds of the norms are to consumed with ordinary and mundane crap to grasp it. I opened up to, and better to just keep it to yourself, most of us here get it tho

 

[SoulWhisperer]

I am so sorry this has happened to you... :(

 

[anorang]

as an open book, I can confirm.

 

[destinationlosangel]

Just know this. The normie brain today just doesn't have the capacity to comprehend this. This is after all an age of cell phone addicted zombies. Ppl dont even have the patience to sit down and think about why a person would want to ctb. And the whole 'go see a therapist' thing is just a joke to me cuz if ppl felt understood by their close friends and families, therapists would be outta jobs.

 

[Gstreater]

Sadly you're right, the same thing happened to me and it pushed away someone I loved completely. Now I don't open up and just constantly lie about how I'm doing. It's safer that way.

 

[QteStimBnnuy]

Probably good for you long term. You need people that will be there for you, care for your actual existence and that are capable of understanding things beyond the equivalent of 0+1- or ones that just have too much on their plate for that sort of thing, ectect. Unfortunately there are a lot of tards, snakes, fakes, or just people that aren't able to deal with it, you name it. However you may get to a point where you can finally build or gather a community of like minded people, that won't just drop you while you're down, just makes it seem fun and a positive thing, just essentially tells you your issues aren't that a big of a deal and "all you have to do is just: x: and your issue won't exist anymore" people

As perhaps unsaid as it is. 24/7 traumadumping- overloading people with it isn't good either- not saying you did. Just noting. Regardless, never actually having anyone that knows or understands you, you will feel lonely even if you are in a room with 20 people. Some groups of friends or acquaintences are just sorta there surrounding the topic/hobby of said group and just there to distract or have fun. Nothing is too wrong with that, maybe they'll understand and help with doing more of said group activity to get out of it rather than one being a ideal person to full on rant about your issues and whats going on. Some others may not be that way, others will be negative about it and turn it against you

So it's good to identify which people are which, but sticking to yourself will likely be rather damaging and won't tell you this information(this rule is abandoned if they were meant to be people you can rely on or open up to in the first place. You don't need them, if they are never gonna take you seriously then others will). Best you can do is constantly improve yourself, stay fairly open about things at least and take opportunities to find similar communities you can partake in- distract yourself, making friends along the way and real people that you can gather up. Easier said than done, takes time and you're gonna weed people out. Some people could have been right for you and fun, but they just didn't bother improving themselves and aren't a fit, vise versa. Regardless, not all sunshine and rainbows. People are morons and theres a shit ton of fakes that wanna try claim they'll be there for you but straight up ignore your texts. I for sure feel that and finding ones that are right for you isn't going to happen overnight. If you're gonna suffer regardless, what would you prefer to do? Not all too simple and easy anyway or seemingly possible

At least that's my current day opinion, there's probably various complications that make it harder to adopt that and so on. Not to mention this is just one persons view and thoughts. Everyone finds their own path, own solutions and decides what they want to deal with or be around. Don't give up soldier, or do, whatever you feel fits you in this moment. Idk we're on a suicide forum and people do gotta try their own solutions and ideas first to try feel better

Just final notes, if you open up to only therapists instead. As far as I'm aware you can't hint, say or claim you're actively trying or going to commit suicide. They will take action on that. Feeling suicidal, but having no intention is another thing. 2nd: being a nice or good person isn't letting people walk all over you and use you for their needs while ignoring you

 

[Danby]

My soon-to-be-ex-wife ridicules and guilts me about my suicidal thoughts. It's not really a good idea to confide in anyone, I guess. :-(

 

[struggles_inc]

My soon-to-be-ex-wife ridicules and guilts me about my suicidal thoughts. It's not really a good idea to confide in anyone, I guess. :-(

That's just fucking wicked and cruel. It's not even ignorance, just complete lack of empathy. Hopefully you will get rid of her from your life soon.

 

[destinationlosangel]

My soon-to-be-ex-wife ridicules and guilts me about my suicidal thoughts. It's not really a good idea to confide in anyone, I guess. :-(

I'm so sorry. That is a terrible thing to go thru. I hate to say this but I think it is good for you that she' going to be out of ur life soon. A partner without empathy. That is so sad. Just know that there are much better women out there.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry you had this experience. It's so sad/disappointing that people sometimes behave like this.

I'd also say it can be problematic for the opposite reasons too. Opening up to people can make them highly concerned and possibly highly attentive- for a period of time. Maybe that could help some of us in the short-term. My concern though would be that perhaps few people can probably spare the time and (to be brutally honest,) the emotional resilience to be there that intently for a very long period of time. As my Dad used to be keen to point out- 'People will be sympathetic listening to your problems up to a point.' So- it could be that- once we've become dependent on them, they withdraw from us then.

Or- better case scenario. All that support works and, we start to feel better. What if we relapse though? We're suicidal again. Maybe we don't want to trouble them with it this time. Maybe we do but this time, their efforts don't seem to help us. Now we've got a whole lot more tethers keeping us here. For me, that's the last thing I want!

It feels like a scam to me because it gets us emotionally blackmailed into staying here because we made closer bonds with people we really don't want to hurt.

I had to talk to a helpline following the IC SN welfare checks and the woman on the other end was like: 'Promise me you'll call us before you attempt.' I just thought- What the hell? I don't owe you any kind of promise! That would be much harder coming from a loved one though.

I'm not saying to people- don't reach out. It's just my take on it and another reason I would be reluctant to open up.

 

[Ariii]

Yep. Tried once with my friends and immediately got shut down. Like half of suicide prevention is always "Open up!!! You're not alone"
yet when people do, it's either always the same few responses or being shut down. And people wonder why suicidal people flock to the one site where we can have actual conversations about suicide without someone jumping in screaming "Get therapy" or something like that

 

[-nobodyknows-]

This is so relatable. My depression has ruined every interpersonal relationship I had within the last ten years that mattered to me

 

[HereTomorrow]

At least from experiences and what is taught to the public, opening up to someone about suicide is intended to be a direct pipeline to professional help/medical attention. You cannot tell someone about suicidial thoughts without the strong possibility of them going to someone else or urging you to get help. And if you do not, they are often told to ditch you, as only you can fix yourself and anything more is attention seeking. It is a waste of emotional energy to open up if you have no plan to be directed to professional help.

At the same time, hearing about someone being suicidial, passive or active, is difficult to digest, as I've been on both sides. Just dropping "I'm struggling so much and I want to kill myself" is very tempting to a friend at any given moment, it's relieving. Saying you're suicidial or you've attempted can bring on a perspective of them imagining you're already gone, which is why it's stressful. Some are jerks and will ditch at a moment's notice, yes, but they don't want to say the wrong things, or be "dragged" down by the conversation(s), so for their health, they leave, worsening you. These friends say you're not a burden so they won't feel responsible for an attempt but I feel like they find openly suicidial people to be such.

You can't win either way. You either get help and/or ruin the relationships of those closest to you if you speak too truthfully.

The only way I've ever successfully spoken about suicide after losing most of my friends was informing one of my few remaining friends ahead of time I wanted to talk about something personal and asked if they're ready to emotionally digest it before half lying and saying I'm no longer suicidal but in a lot of pain and claiming it was all in the past. Still took a lot, but she understood, thanked me, and said she needed time alone for a month before pretending I never even said it and treats me normally. I consider myself lucky, but I'm never confiding about suicidial thoughts IRL again.

 

[rotten]

I'm sorry that happened to you, you deserve so much better than the pain they've piled on to you. I agree with your point, they always tell us to talk to a loved one or a friend, but often times those people only cause more hurt, or are the source of our pain. I hope your able to find some sort of solace here, most people are far more understanding around here.

 

[NoName_NoLife]

Bro... First rule life: never tell everything about you your family/friends irl. it never works out well.

 

[Unhumanly.]

It is a scam, often with the promise of relieving a person to take a burden out of their mind and promise that it will do better for a self development, only to end up treated as less than a human

 

[needthebus]

There are many people who recommend to talk to your close ones about your feelings. I did. I regret it so much.

In winter I hit a really low point and made a stupid failed CTB attempt. After that I decided enough is enough and told about it to my friends and my partner. I said I was going through a very rough time and I asked them to be patient and be close to me. I asked them to give me a little bit more love.

I have no friends now. They started isolating me one by one. Last time I talked with most of them was May-June. My best friend talks to me once a month if I'm lucky. I guess they all saw me as a liability.

Right now I talk only to my boyfriend, who sees my alcohol problem as a fun quirk, and to my mom, who is completely unaware of my mental condition and has only seen my wrist scars from sh.

I don't remember when was the last time someone was genuinely concerned about me.

I'm never asking anyone to care again.

they may just not know what to say

but people sometimes ghost in response to depression