negi-maguro
Anarresti
- Mar 2, 2025
- 43
I was hanging out with my friends in a cafe, we were just talking about anime and all that. I grew up with some of them so we're pretty close, but I'm kinda aloof so I rarely hang out like this. One of my friend said something about how some of our peers are now living in Japan. I kinda went ham about Akihabara, like I talked about how I want to visit MOGRA, Radio Kaikan, etc. We were having a good time talking about all the fun stuff to do in Akihabara, and I said: "Man, I would like to visit Akihabara before I die." Everybody just stopped talking for a second and stared at me. I quickly say something how there is a meme about reaching 25 years old and there's only 3 road ahead: 1. getting a master's degree; 2. Japan trip; 3. substance abuse. They kinda laughed it off after I tell that joke, but one of them said: "We still have a long road ahead of us. For a Japan trip, going at 25 is not realistic." We quickly trails off to other topics after that. For context we are all 24, but this year all of us will be 25, also we're from a 3rd world country with low wages so it is unrealistic to go to Japan this or next year.
I didn't say anything about wanting to die or that I will die soon, but even then mention of dying gives off some sus signal to your closest friends I guess. I did mentioned about being unhappy with my situation to one of my friend when I was drunk and I'm very reclusive, so maybe I come across as 'at risk' to them (also they know my fav anime is Haibane Renmei, in which suicide is a major theme of it). What I'm trying to say by typing all this out is that, well maybe some of your closest do pay attention. In this case, I feel like I put them in a situation where they were walking on eggshells. Since I never really opened up to them, I guess they felt like they don't have the right to pry further so just some comment about there is a long road ahead of us is sufficient. Personally I found the initial silence and the shifting of the conversation to practicality about the impossibility of going to Japan soon kinda endearing. Rather than correcting me emotionally, they just keep the conversation safe and stable which I much prefer. I'm just writing this as an appreciation to my friends I guess because I can't say any of this to them, I don't want to creep them out with my mental problem for now. I hope someone can learn and get something out of this too. Sayonara, thats goodbye in Japanese.
I didn't say anything about wanting to die or that I will die soon, but even then mention of dying gives off some sus signal to your closest friends I guess. I did mentioned about being unhappy with my situation to one of my friend when I was drunk and I'm very reclusive, so maybe I come across as 'at risk' to them (also they know my fav anime is Haibane Renmei, in which suicide is a major theme of it). What I'm trying to say by typing all this out is that, well maybe some of your closest do pay attention. In this case, I feel like I put them in a situation where they were walking on eggshells. Since I never really opened up to them, I guess they felt like they don't have the right to pry further so just some comment about there is a long road ahead of us is sufficient. Personally I found the initial silence and the shifting of the conversation to practicality about the impossibility of going to Japan soon kinda endearing. Rather than correcting me emotionally, they just keep the conversation safe and stable which I much prefer. I'm just writing this as an appreciation to my friends I guess because I can't say any of this to them, I don't want to creep them out with my mental problem for now. I hope someone can learn and get something out of this too. Sayonara, thats goodbye in Japanese.
Last edited:
