Only want to CBT one way but seems impossible

[Puppy]

I feel like the only way I can CBT is with a gunshot to the head but I can't just get a gun plus don't know how to handle one. But that will be easy to just research how to use but the thing is I can't get one I have no idea how. I've attempted suicide other methods so many times obviously not working and gunshot would be ideal since it's instant just have to make myself pull the trigger. This post doesn't have much purpose to it I'm sorry. Just somewhere to put my thoughts and hear what anyone else has to say. I am hurting so bad

 

[Mr2005]

It has more point than most. Hoping someone might be able to help out with that. Nothing anyone can do about what lead us here in the first place sadly. I'm in the same boat, look at my sig. If I have to then I just want to get it over with but I can't even do that much. The feeling of helplessness is awful, you have my sympathies