Venting Only thing keeping me here is...not real.

[it's_all_a_game]

Years ago, the world of fiction was the only thing keeping me alive. I loved 20th century literature & new wave music. Now, of course, my ctb date is approaching.

However, I still feel the occasional urge to not die, because of my love for various artistic works. For example, I like to collect obscure 12" singles. If I die soon, there's a ton I'll never get to hear. I know it doesn't really matter (I'm like the only one who cares about rare music from 1983 lol), but it still saddens me.

What REALLY annoys me, though, is all the real life junk I have to deal with. I'm tried of worrying about money, my crappy mom, nasty people, etc., which is why I'm ctb-ing in the first place. Which has led to the spectacular irony that real life makes want to die, whilst fiction (i.e., not real) makes me want to live.

 

[stygal]

Who decides what counts as real? Your love for music is valid.
People saying that only stuff that is physically present is "real" are narrow-minded as hell.

I understand where coming from though...I much rather "escape" in different media or online conversations than having to be present and accountable outside the screen or book or whatever.

I guess it's a matter of which outweighs which.
If music currently still brings you enough joy it can still be seen as a sustainable way to pass your time but if the other "unwanted" stuff gets unbearable and overlaps everything you do - it might be time to think about how to further proceed.

 

[WornOutLife]

People saying that only stuff that is physically present is "real" are narrow-minded as hell.

I totally agree with u!

 

[it's_all_a_game]

I guess it's a matter of which outweighs which.

If music currently still brings you enough joy it can still be seen as a sustainable way to pass your time but if the other "unwanted" stuff gets unbearable and overlaps everything you do - it might be time to think about how to further proceed.

Music and books bring me a lot of joy, but it doesn't override my suicidal ideation anymore, unfortunately :(

 

[stygal]

Music and books bring me a lot of joy, but it doesn't override my suicidal ideation anymore, unfortunately :(

I'm so sorry you feel this way and have to experience how unfair life can be.

For me it's the same though ...unfortunately.

Lots of e-hugs to you and I really really hope something comes up soon to give you hope and a reason to live.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I think it's perfectly natural to prefer fiction over reality, after all, most fiction was created specifically because reality sucks for most people. As far as forms of escapism go, music and literature are quite admirable compared to other possible ways to prioritize fiction over the real world so there's no need to feel ashamed for that. I mean I used to convince myself and assert to everyone that a character I had married in a video game was my actual wife. I still remember the anniversary of when I got married in game...

 

[wordsonscreen]

Who decides what counts as real? Your love for music is valid.
People saying that only stuff that is physically present is "real" are narrow-minded as hell.

I understand where coming from though...I much rather "escape" in different media or online conversations than having to be present and accountable outside the screen or book or whatever.

I guess it's a matter of which outweighs which.
If music currently still brings you enough joy it can still be seen as a sustainable way to pass your time but if the other "unwanted" stuff gets unbearable and overlaps everything you do - it might be time to think about how to further proceed.

exactly what I was going to say! We define our own reality :)