Venting only staying for others

[leaftomb]

I don't know what I'm doing here anymore. My deadline was supposed to be a month ago. I stayed for my father, because he's depressed and I'm scared he'd follow in my footsteps. Now I feel he hates me. I don't know what it is that is wrong with me at the moment, but the urge to kill myself without preparations is getting stronger each day. I thought I wanted a planned out suicide. Place, day, time. Everything. Now I just wanna jump off the roof without saying goodbye to anyone. This just feels pointless. Life scares me. Besides my parents, there is genuinely nothing I wish to go on for. My parents know about my thoughts which, in a way, reassures me. I was briefly sent to the hospital for it so if I decide to go through with it now, it won't be as surprising. Maybe not as painful. I'll try to hang on until my birthday, at least. It's this saturday. It's gonna be lonely, but at least I'm aware. Then, I don't know what I'll do. Maybe I'll be alive for another year, maybe I'll jump by next week. Whenever it is doesn't really matter anymore. Death feels safer when I know there's no bright future ahead of me.

 

[justpathetic]

I don't know what I'm doing here anymore. My deadline was supposed to be a month ago. I stayed for my father, because he's depressed and I'm scared he'd follow in my footsteps. Now I feel he hates me. I don't know what it is that is wrong with me at the moment, but the urge to kill myself without preparations is getting stronger each day. I thought I wanted a planned out suicide. Place, day, time. Everything. Now I just wanna jump off the roof without saying goodbye to anyone. This just feels pointless. Life scares me. Besides my parents, there is genuinely nothing I wish to go on for. My parents know about my thoughts which, in a way, reassures me. I was briefly sent to the hospital for it so if I decide to go through with it now, it won't be as surprising. Maybe not as painful. I'll try to hang on until my birthday, at least. It's this saturday. It's gonna be lonely, but at least I'm aware. Then, I don't know what I'll do. Maybe I'll be alive for another year, maybe I'll jump by next week. Whenever it is doesn't really matter anymore. Death feels safer when I know there's no bright future ahead of me.

I'm so sorry. I also feel um hanging on for the sake of those around me

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand just wanting to be gone, I also just wish to be free from all the suffering but anyway I wish you the best in what you decide.

 

[HeartThatFeeds]

I understand how you feel, sometimes I feel like I'm just floating in existence, not knowing what to do with my life or where it will go but that also can be the best feeling, It means you have no idea what's ahead of you in both a good and bad way, it's full of suprise and sometimes existing just to exist is also good, either way I hope that with whatever you choose you're happy with your choice

(Offtopic but I love you Cal pfp)

 

[thenorthern]

I don't know what I'm doing here anymore. My deadline was supposed to be a month ago. I stayed for my father, because he's depressed and I'm scared he'd follow in my footsteps. Now I feel he hates me. I don't know what it is that is wrong with me at the moment, but the urge to kill myself without preparations is getting stronger each day. I thought I wanted a planned out suicide. Place, day, time. Everything. Now I just wanna jump off the roof without saying goodbye to anyone. This just feels pointless. Life scares me. Besides my parents, there is genuinely nothing I wish to go on for. My parents know about my thoughts which, in a way, reassures me. I was briefly sent to the hospital for it so if I decide to go through with it now, it won't be as surprising. Maybe not as painful. I'll try to hang on until my birthday, at least. It's this saturday. It's gonna be lonely, but at least I'm aware. Then, I don't know what I'll do. Maybe I'll be alive for another year, maybe I'll jump by next week. Whenever it is doesn't really matter anymore. Death feels safer when I know there's no bright future ahead of me.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I feel you so much. Hugs.

 

[leaftomb]

I understand just wanting to be gone, I also just wish to be free from all the suffering but anyway I wish you the best in what you decide.

thank you man. i wish you the best as well

I understand how you feel, sometimes I feel like I'm just floating in existence, not knowing what to do with my life or where it will go but that also can be the best feeling, It means you have no idea what's ahead of you in both a good and bad way, it's full of suprise and sometimes existing just to exist is also good, either way I hope that with whatever you choose you're happy with your choice

(Offtopic but I love you Cal pfp)

I'm sorry you're going through that as well. I'm glad you can see some positive in it. I wish you the best, whatever decision you make

(Also thank you:) Glad someone noticed)

 

[ctb2soble]

I feel thr same way. I'm honestly only here because I don't trust anyone to love and care for my dogs like I do and I dont want my parents to go through burying their child. But once all of them are gone, I'm taking my exit. I'm over living in this world. I don't even like my job anymore despite having a very good setup and a good work/life balance.