Only here because my family wants me to be… is that unfair to me and to them?

[KenniferJames]

I'm new here and have yet to set a date or decide on a method. But like everyone else here it's been a long road to get to the point of even being a part of this community.

When I think about ctb I see my closest loved ones lives being ruined by my "selfishness". But is this really selfishness or is it selfish to hold on to someone when you can't understand how someone else is feeling (and family likes to imagine the most beautiful mask on top of layers of pain and misery)

How do you all reason with this dilemma and is it as much of an unwanted anchor for you as it is for me?

 

[FuneralCry]

I see the selfish thing as deciding to procreate and wishing to imprison that individual in this existence they were burdened with in the first place. I hate it when people call suicide "selfish" when in reality nobody is obligated to continue suffering until they die anyway, I find the view that people must suffer no matter what to be very insensitive.

 

[orphic]

Depends on the why, or rather the reason they want u to stay alive. Then, you can decide if it's selfish or not.

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

I'm new here and have yet to set a date or decide on a method. But like everyone else here it's been a long road to get to the point of even being a part of this community.

When I think about ctb I see my closest loved ones lives being ruined by my "selfishness". But is this really selfishness or is it selfish to hold on to someone when you can't understand how someone else is feeling (and family likes to imagine the most beautiful mask on top of layers of pain and misery)

How do you all reason with this dilemma and is it as much of an unwanted anchor for you as it is for me?

I am in the same dilemma as you are. If you are in the situation in wich you cannot project you in any way in this life and you're completely sure that you want to ctb. It is terrible cause you cannot imagine trying to recover in regard to preserve your family. You can only imagine yourself keep up suffering for them. It is a really unfortunate situation to be in. Should i die so i can free myself or should i live for others ? if i decide to stay who will suffer the most at the end me or them ? It is right to not doing it despite the fact that i will relieve my suffering and that even my family souldn't wish that i keep to suffer so much ? ( of course they generally can't understand and will instead trying to suggest other solutions )
Personally i cannot find any peace to ctb in regard of what it will cause to my family, neither i can keep up living as i do.
You can try to talk to you desire with them if they are enough open-minded. If you think about doing it maybe it is better to prepare them mentally ( without saying your plans ). This is what i tried but in my case it just made me unable to do it since i saw and heard their reaction wich just prevent me to do it.

 

[haibane]

As u never asked to be born in the first place, u should have the right to choose if u want to live or not. Wanting to die is not selfish at all imo too, life is just not for everyone. And we have to accept it

 

[Vesiira]

I'm new here and have yet to set a date or decide on a method. But like everyone else here it's been a long road to get to the point of even being a part of this community.

When I think about ctb I see my closest loved ones lives being ruined by my "selfishness". But is this really selfishness or is it selfish to hold on to someone when you can't understand how someone else is feeling (and family likes to imagine the most beautiful mask on top of layers of pain and misery)

How do you all reason with this dilemma and is it as much of an unwanted anchor for you as it is for me?

I wrestle with this a lot. Some of my family is aware that I have had active suicidal thoughts a lot. I haven't told them I currently do now. They wish I didn't feel that way and they tell me that I was deeply wanted (since I'm adopted). I feel like it's selfish for me to want to leave, because it will hurt them. However, it makes me really sad that I'm only alive for them. I just want to have some sort of peace.

 

[february in alaska]

I have the exact same dilemma. On one hand, it's selfish to want to off yourself when you know it's going to hurt people you care about. On the other hand, it's selfish to want to keep your loved ones around when they're suffering so much. Being "selfish" isn't inherently bad, and I honestly think it's really important when it comes to life or death, and it's nothing to feel guilty about, even if it's understandable to do so

In my experience, I've found that I just can't base my existence on living for other people instead of myself. And it hurts more than anything that I know I'm going to be hurting my family by making this decision, but ultimately it's mine to make. Existence isn't something to force on other people or yourself

Something that's helped me a lot is just keeping in mind the fact that it's inevitable. Whether you go into recovery, whether you live for your family, whether you decide to CTB tomorrow, we're all headed to the same place in the end. You get to decide how quick you get there, you get to decide what to do in the meantime, you get to decide whether the good in life outweighs the bad or not. If there was anything to be selfish about, it's this.

Sorry for going off on a long spiel, I don't know if any of that even makes sense. Best of luck to you, seriously. This shit is hard

 

[steppenwolf]

I'm new here and have yet to set a date or decide on a method. But like everyone else here it's been a long road to get to the point of even being a part of this community.

When I think about ctb I see my closest loved ones lives being ruined by my "selfishness". But is this really selfishness or is it selfish to hold on to someone when you can't understand how someone else is feeling (and family likes to imagine the most beautiful mask on top of layers of pain and misery)

How do you all reason with this dilemma and is it as much of an unwanted anchor for you as it is for me?

It's not selfishness but foolishness to hold on to people who make you feel suicidal. Try cutting your loved ones loose and see if you don't feel less suicidal. If you can't live with them, maybe you can live without them?