Story One step.

[Inferdan]

I can tell. I am one step away from getting an absolute sure recovery. I may not be completely whole again, but that may change. Who knows. I'm still going to be strange and weird to some, clever and amazing to others, and simply horrible to another bunch, and everything I've gone through has cracked me a little. Put it as a broken vase being put together again. The damage is there. It can be seen. I won't be the person I would've been if life hadn't decided to throw me into a blender.

But I know I'm getting better. I can feel it. Tiny bit by tiny bit...I can feel myself restoring again. Once I've reached a point, I'll be able to retrieve motivation, order, flow...then I'll be able to live without the burdens and pains I've constantly been plagued with. Sure, reality will never change (or at least, very very low chance that it does), but I'll become able to tolerate it easily. I'll be able to put my mind on what I want and do what I want, free of anything. I'm close. So close. I'm hoping life doesn't do anything to completely break that down as it always has whenever I have gotten hope and made progress. I'm going to assure this in my favour. I'm going to make it. And I'm going to flip off life and show that I'm a lot more than it ever thought I could be.

Also, dark ambience is helping me out as well :p

 

[Deleted member 19654]

I'm really happy for you I wish you all the best for the future.

 

[Inferdan]

Thank you...same for you. Hope you are able to achieve what you have chosen to do, and may you find peace and fulfilment at the end of it...you, as everyone else here, deserves it very much.

 

[Mustkeyknow]

I hope you do recover. I am so glad someone here is doing it. How did you do it if you don't mind me asking?

 

[Inferdan]

No idea, to be completely honest...
The night before my planned ctb, I was passing the time watching videos, just waiting for the time to come...I used to think it was this gameplay video that made a spark inside, but now I believe it was SI grabbing onto whatever it could and it had managed to create a moment of opportunity; one that would allow me struggle forward as I was a little longer. I sat there thinking about whether to take it or not, and in the end, decided I should, for others (though I barely did care at the time). I had a burst of motivation for the next few days, getting better sleep, eating better, taking care of myself, etc., but then it left, and I was left, you could say, keeping my head above the water of an open sea.
Life didn't get easier. It was all the same. Nothing changed, except my renewed ability to fight and push on. I couldn't do any work in my education at all, since I could not be bothered to do any of it (detrimental to myself, I know), but at least I was continuing.

I pressed on, and went through some heavy things that nearly pushed me back down again (transitioning from school to university, getting a crush for the first time in forever for a girl I could never have, and currently keeping social connections alive), but somehow I made it past by persevering. And as time went on, I felt more and more whole. Before, I never knew how I was feeling or what I thought. Now, I know how I am, at least most of the time, and I feel improved. Complete.
I've been depressed for many years. My decline to my lowest point lasted a few months. I think it's been a few more months from the night I turned around up until now. Can't really remember. All I can say is, from the time I joined SS which was close to the beginning of my detriment and now, it's been close to a year.
How did I make it, you ask...well, I don't really know, at all. All I know is I persevered, I kept going despite it all, worked with what I had, took opportunities of improvement and betterment, and allowed time to heal me. It was hard, really, really hard. Had many doubts, many times I went down again, only to come back up, and a lot of phases where I felt random; a mixture of so many feelings, and I didn't know what to do, what I wanted, wha to think, etc...don't truly know how to answer your question. All I know is I fought, I grew, and time passed. That's all I can really say without really knowing.

 

[Mustkeyknow]

No idea, to be completely honest...
The night before my planned ctb, I was passing the time watching videos, just waiting for the time to come...I used to think it was this gameplay video that made a spark inside, but now I believe it was SI grabbing onto whatever it could and it had managed to create a moment of opportunity; one that would allow me struggle forward as I was a little longer. I sat there thinking about whether to take it or not, and in the end, decided I should, for others (though I barely did care at the time). I had a burst of motivation for the next few days, getting better sleep, eating better, taking care of myself, etc., but then it left, and I was left, you could say, keeping my head above the water of an open sea.
Life didn't get easier. It was all the same. Nothing changed, except my renewed ability to fight and push on. I couldn't do any work in my education at all, since I could not be bothered to do any of it (detrimental to myself, I know), but at least I was continuing.

I pressed on, and went through some heavy things that nearly pushed me back down again (transitioning from school to university, getting a crush for the first time in forever for a girl I could never have, and currently keeping social connections alive), but somehow I made it past by persevering. And as time went on, I felt more and more whole. Before, I never knew how I was feeling or what I thought. Now, I know how I am, at least most of the time, and I feel improved. Complete.
I've been depressed for many years. My decline to my lowest point lasted a few months. I think it's been a few more months from the night I turned around up until now. Can't really remember. All I can say is, from the time I joined SS which was close to the beginning of my detriment and now, it's been close to a year.
How did I make it, you ask...well, I don't really know, at all. All I know is I persevered, I kept going despite it all, worked with what I had, took opportunities of improvement and betterment, and allowed time to heal me. It was hard, really, really hard. Had many doubts, many times I went down again, only to come back up, and a lot of phases where I felt random; a mixture of so many feelings, and I didn't know what to do, what I wanted, wha to think, etc...don't truly know how to answer your question. All I know is I fought, I grew, and time passed. That's all I can really say without really knowing.

Yours is an inspirational story. I'm glad you're doing OK. Oh how I wish to feel the same. Maybe one day.

 

[Deleted member 19276]

You are doing well man, I'd say keep it up!
The way you expressed everything with your words is purely amazing too.
One step, two steps... I honestly want to believe you will make it. :) No matter the outcome, recovery in the end will be there for you.
Rather than that, what's the dark ambience? ^_^ If it's okay to ask.
I might share a few if they are helpful. :)

 

[Inferdan]

Yours is an inspirational story. I'm glad you're doing OK. Oh how I wish to feel the same. Maybe one day.

Keep going. Push through whatever comes your way. You'll make it. However small the steps you take are, you'll make it. Of course, if that is the path you wish to take, that is.

Perseverance and time.
You can do it. I'll help you out however I can.

You are doing well man, I'd say keep it up!
The way you expressed everything with your words is purely amazing too.
One step, two steps... I honestly want to believe you will make it. :) No matter the outcome, recovery in the end will be there for you.
Rather than that, what's the dark ambience? ^_^ If it's okay to ask.
I might share a few if they are helpful. :)

Thank you, I do like to express myself well. I'm trying, and currently I've let myself down, but trying to work around it.
And dark ambience, well, I don't really know how to describe it well besides being somber, spacious, and, well, dark, so I'll copy and paste the wiki definition :

"Dark ambient (referred to as ambient industrial especially in the 1980s) is a genre of post-industrial music that features an ominous, dark droning and often gloomy, monumental or catacombal atmosphere, partially with discordant overtones."