One sided friendship

[Sadmonster98]

So, i met a women online who is 2 years older than me. Although she started the friendship but lately I was the one who always started the conversation. I developed feelings for her, later I realised it was a Limerance.
She blocked me when I confessed my feelings accidentally. I want to make it clear she is a trauma survivor. I wanted to keep her as a friend, my intention was to never confess my feelings. I felt guilty for ruining our friendship. I cried for 2 weeks and within months my condition improved drastically, i felt a lot better. When we i almost got over her, then all of sudden she unblocked me and we started talking again. I was trying to maintain a healthy distance but she going through some difficult time that's why I texted her on daily basis to make sure she was okay. She even told me that she cherish our friendship and I've always been so kind to her even though she hasn't. She's now feeling better but now she stopped texting me. She ignores my social media posts. Replies too late. I don't think she considers me as a friend and that's reflecting in her behaviour. It's making me feel really bad for myself. What should I do? Should I end friendship with her? Is the way she's behaving is due to her traumas? What do you guys think about her?

 

[passer-by]

Here are two questions you should ask yourself, as uncomfortable as it might be.

How do YOU feel about HER?
How does SHE make YOU feel?

Pay a close attention to discrepancies in your answers. Do they align? Or are they completely different?
We might care about someone, love them, help them, give ourselves out to them, but if all what we get in return is uncertainty, inconsistence and indifference, this would seem like an unfair exchange of energies and in the end very unsustainable dynamics.

I think you yourself know and feel whether it's worth it or not. No matter the background. In the end, we gotta look out for number one first, because everyone else does the same.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It sounds as if she can be pretty flaky. That's not trying to criticise her. No doubt, she has her reasons- as you mentioned, they might be trauma related. Still- you have to look out for yourself as well. I think you have to accept that we can't change people. So then it becomes- can you accept her for what she is? Can you cope with her being friendly one minute and, cold the next? Do the good times outweigh the inconsistency? It's a bit like 'fair weather friends' in a way. Some people you realise in life are only going to be good in certain situations or, when it's convenient to them. That's probably ok if you can view and treat them the same way, but if you're always going to be longing for more, it could end up being painful. Oh and I sympathise with the limerence thing. I tend to suffer from that too.

 

[Aglossa]

It can be very tough when one person catches feelings for the other in a friendship. I was friends with someone who I liked a lot as a friend but had caught feelings for me. He was trying to let it go but could not help clinging a lot to me, telling me his other friends did not matter and so on. The guilt of letting the friendship get that close despite knowing it would only make him miserable crushed me. In the end it got too much and I had to break it off.

You cannot change how you feel, and you cannot change how other people feel. Perhaps the right thing to do for your own feelings would be to distance yourself a little. No matter what you decide to do, remember to look out for yourself

 

[Sadmonster98]

Here are two questions you should ask yourself, as uncomfortable as it might be.

How do YOU feel about HER?
How does SHE make YOU feel?

Pay a close attention to discrepancies in your answers. Do they align? Or are they completely different?
We might care about someone, love them, help them, give ourselves out to them, but if all what we get in return is uncertainty, inconsistence and indifference, this would seem like an unfair exchange of energies and in the end very unsustainable dynamics.

I think you yourself know and feel whether it's worth it or not. No matter the background. In the end, we gotta look out for number one first, because everyone else does the same.

Thank you for your response. We both went through almost similar traumas, that's why I relate so much to her. And I don't have many close friends. Some day she makes me feel so good about myself but some day pull me down to my lowest point. She's working like a drug to me.

It sounds as if she can be pretty flaky. That's not trying to criticise her. No doubt, she has her reasons- as you mentioned, they might be trauma related. Still- you have to look out for yourself as well. I think you have to accept that we can't change people. So then it becomes- can you accept her for what she is? Can you cope with her being friendly one minute and, cold the next? Do the good times outweigh the inconsistency? It's a bit like 'fair weather friends' in a way. Some people you realise in life are only going to be good in certain situations or, when it's convenient to them. That's probably ok if you can view and treat them the same way, but if you're always going to be longing for more, it could end up being painful. Oh and I sympathise with the limerence thing. I tend to suffer from that too.

Thank you for your kind and genuine response.
Actually you're right, I care for her too much, even forgetting about myself and I do agree that we can't change people. I'm ready to accept the way she is as I don't have many close friends and we both went through similar traumas but I need more clarity from her and just a little bit fair communication. I told her about my Limerance. She told me if you don't get over me, it's going to be endless suffering for you. My Limerance is not strong as it was before her blocking me.
I'm really sorry you went through Limerance. It's the worst feeling. Thanks man

It can be very tough when one person catches feelings for the other in a friendship. I was friends with someone who I liked a lot as a friend but had caught feelings for me. He was trying to let it go but could not help clinging a lot to me, telling me his other friends did not matter and so on. The guilt of letting the friendship get that close despite knowing it would only make him miserable crushed me. In the end it got too much and I had to break it off.

You cannot change how you feel, and you cannot change how other people feel. Perhaps the right thing to do for your own feelings would be to distance yourself a little. No matter what you decide to do, remember to look out for yourself

Thank you for your response. I'm trying to distance myself but my self control is so bad I end up worrying about her, and then end up texting her. I don't want to end friendship with her as we both went through similar traumas and I feel a sense of connection to her and I don't have a lot of close friends. She just feels like a drug to me. Sometimes she gives me high and sometimes low. I don't know how to deal with that.