One of the worst things about being suicidal is no one saw how hard you really tried to live

[FireFox]

I really wanted to live, be happy and have a good life. I really tried my very best to give myself a good life. This year has been a year of everything going wrong since the 1st January. I have suicidal since the age of 21 and now at 26 I know I am dying when I reach 30. This year has shown me life isn't worth living and we have all been lied too saying life is worth living.

I went from having the best year of my life in 2022 to having the worst year of my life. I miss last year because the first time in my life I was no longer suicidal and looking forward to the future. To have it all come crashing down rapidly in 2023 and losing everything good I was looking forward too it has been so shocking. Sometimes I feel like I am living in a Netflix TV series. I am having the worst year of my life and I have no one talk too. I have no friends, my large family tree of relatives are just a complete disappointment and full of gossipers so I don't have any other family member to talk too. My immediate family are not great at listening. I have given up with the NHS and can't afford to go private. I feel my entire life is one big failure. Always unsuccessful with men while everyone else is getting married, just struggling to find my place in this world and nothing has gone right for me this year.

One of the worst things about being suicidal is no one saw how hard you really tried to live. In the end the mental illness wins. The mental pain I feel right now I feel so trapped and can not see any relief anymore. I really fought so hard to give myself a good life and I really wanted to live.

 

[Spades]

Everyday for people like us is a battle, and I wish more people understood that. And when you have no one to hear you out about it or no one notices your effort to fight it, it feels like you're constantly clawing your way at the seams of reality in hopes that someone will come along to notice and listen to you one day, or that the pain will stop for once, even just temporarily.

It's almost like drowning in a way, pain this severe makes it difficult to breathe and you're constantly exhausted trying to fight against the unrelenting force of the seemingly unending strikes of the waves.

This combination of feeling trapped and isolated is an unbearable pain and I'm so sorry you've had to deal with that for so long. I hope you find relief someday, either in non-existence or in life. Whichever it may be, I really do hope 2024 treats you kinder than 2023 did.

I know this probably doesn't mean much of anything as I'm a complete stranger, but I'm proud of you for trying at least, you deserved so much better than what life has had to offer you thus far,,

 

[Abyssal]

Well said. Even here I feel like nobody takes me seriously. It's me placing my own opinions into others, but it's unavoidable.

At least when I am dead they will try to understand. At least when I'm dead people will know I wasn't crying for help.

 

[TooConscious]

Many of us get seen plenty , but people suffering forget we are still competitive cavemen thanks to generations breeding consumerism in this fucked up world. So some people try to kick us down harder. Some of us our own family. Humans can have very sadistic streaks then if they feel guilty they just deny reality and hence... Humanity.

And you're not alone with the NHS. The system is broken but nobody will admit it and everyone's clinging to false.hope., but eventually the pain they deny others experience will come.back.around.to.them unfortunately the rich and spoilt have had safety nets but people.in true dire.poverty know what life really is being set up.to.be

I have been in dental pain for months and can't get seen so am learning how to extract a tooth with the least risk of problems.

 

[ayeyiyi]

Will someone FUCKING help me, I'm so sick kf this stupid fucking bullshit, I've been searching for how to make a post for fucking three weks, WHY THE FUCK IS IT SK FUCKING DIFFICULT

 

[AliceinNeverland]

I really wanted to live, be happy and have a good life. I really tried my very best to give myself a good life. This year has been a year of everything going wrong since the 1st January. I have suicidal since the age of 21 and now at 26 I know I am dying when I reach 30. This year has shown me life isn't worth living and we have all been lied too saying life is worth living.

I went from having the best year of my life in 2022 to having the worst year of my life. I miss last year because the first time in my life I was no longer suicidal and looking forward to the future. To have it all come crashing down rapidly in 2023 and losing everything good I was looking forward too it has been so shocking. Sometimes I feel like I am living in a Netflix TV series. I am having the worst year of my life and I have no one talk too. I have no friends, my large family tree of relatives are just a complete disappointment and full of gossipers so I don't have any other family member to talk too. My immediate family are not great at listening. I have given up with the NHS and can't afford to go private. I feel my entire life is one big failure. Always unsuccessful with men while everyone else is getting married, just struggling to find my place in this world and nothing has gone right for me this year.

One of the worst things about being suicidal is no one saw how hard you really tried to live. In the end the mental illness wins. The mental pain I feel right now I feel so trapped and can not see any relief anymore. I really fought so hard to give myself a good life and I really wanted to live.

We might as well be the same person bc that's exactly what my experience has been. I was incredibly hopeful and optimistic at the start of 2023 bc 2022 had been better in terms of my mental health, social life, and studying so I thought that 2023 would be even better. Now I'm ctb tomorrow bc of what I've been through in the past year. Like you, I've genuinely tried my best to see the good and to keep going amidst everything but a person can only take so much.

 

[FireFox]

We might as well be the same person bc that's exactly what my experience has been. I was incredibly hopeful and optimistic at the start of 2023 bc 2022 had been better in terms of my mental health, social life, and studying so I thought that 2023 would be even better. Now I'm ctb tomorrow bc of what I've been through in the past year. Like you, I've genuinely tried my best to see the good and to keep going amidst everything but a person can only take so much.

@AliceinNeverland I am so sorry. Its so frustrating at how life is not fair and no nobody sees how hard you really did try to give yourself a good life.

 

[calebzz1]

Well said. Even here I feel like nobody takes me seriously. It's me placing my own opinions into others, but it's unavoidable.

At least when I am dead they will try to understand. At least when I'm dead people will know I wasn't crying for help.

True, sometimes it takes something wild for people to acknowledge what has happened to you.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Yeah, I agree with that sentiment in general. Though I don't think it applies to me specifically as I never really tried to live nor do I want to. However, I do agree that, for a lot of suicidal people, people never considered how they tried to live. For a lot of things in life, people only see the results, not the paths that people took to obtain said results

 

[calebzz1]

Yeah, I agree with that sentiment in general. Though I don't think it applies to me specifically as I never really tried to live nor do I want to. However, I do agree that, for a lot of suicidal people, people never considered how they tried to live. For a lot of things in life, people only see the results, not the paths that people took to obtain said results

That's fair, I generally look at what someone accomplished in the end...not the journey itself. Sometimes the latter is more important.

 

[TAW122]

I agree with what you said and yes, it's a common experience for suicidal people to be invalidated, ignored, or even have their problems hand-waved away by the outsiders. Pro-lifers almost never see the reality of suffering, or when they do, they try to rationalize it as being acceptable when clearly it's not. I'm sorry to hear that your life has been full of suffering, like many of us here on SaSu, and I hope you are able to find peace in the future.

 

[Princess_Kitty]

That's the thing about it all. When you're dead everyone suddenly cares and wonder why you didn't talk to them. They'll try to understand why you did it. But, when you're alive, nobody really cares. It's sad.

 

[Nxngtb]

I really wanted to live, be happy and have a good life. I really tried my very best to give myself a good life. This year has been a year of everything going wrong since the 1st January. I have suicidal since the age of 21 and now at 26 I know I am dying when I reach 30. This year has shown me life isn't worth living and we have all been lied too saying life is worth living.

I went from having the best year of my life in 2022 to having the worst year of my life. I miss last year because the first time in my life I was no longer suicidal and looking forward to the future. To have it all come crashing down rapidly in 2023 and losing everything good I was looking forward too it has been so shocking. Sometimes I feel like I am living in a Netflix TV series. I am having the worst year of my life and I have no one talk too. I have no friends, my large family tree of relatives are just a complete disappointment and full of gossipers so I don't have any other family member to talk too. My immediate family are not great at listening. I have given up with the NHS and can't afford to go private. I feel my entire life is one big failure. Always unsuccessful with men while everyone else is getting married, just struggling to find my place in this world and nothing has gone right for me this year.

One of the worst things about being suicidal is no one saw how hard you really tried to live. In the end the mental illness wins. The mental pain I feel right now I feel so trapped and can not see any relief anymore. I really fought so hard to give myself a good life and I really wanted to live.

Please don't give up. We're almost the same. Your story really made me burst into tears for the first time in a while. It is almost exactly the same for me. I've also tried very hard to have a good life in 2022, but right now I'm failing and feeling extremely suicidal. But please, don't give up. Let's try again together. There are joys worth living for. Just please consider it. I really want to give you a tight hug right now… I really wish I could… This goes for everyone too. I really hope this helps at least a little.

 

[Argo]

See, I don't think I really tried. Trying doesn't come naturally to me. Hard work, drudgery, routine, all that stuff is just soulcrushing for me. I just refuse to grind through life in the rat race. I won't do it. It's a shit game, and I can't even say I tried my best to play it, because I can't suspend my disbelief in this "project". Once you see how deeply unfair and disgusting this place is, how could you truly try without anything holding you back? I just can't.

 

[BWV478]

That's the way it is. Nobody cares until you're dead.

 

[brokeandbroken]

That's the way it is. Nobody cares until you're dead.

This. If they cared they'd be fighting alongside you. If they cared they would do everything to decrease ones suffering to keep you around.

 

[FireFox]

That's the way it is. Nobody cares until you're dead.

@BWV478 This is why I find most RIP tributes so fucking fake whenever someone kills themselves. These people sending flowers and cards never ever gave a shit when that person was alive.

They were the same people who complained and treated that person as an inconvenience when that person reached out for help.

These people are only upset because they have to live with the fact the person is gone forever and they are not coming back.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

 

[FireFox]

@MatrixPrisoner I miss Chester Bennington so much. I used to listen to Linkin Park as a teenager. It makes me so angry the person who sexually abused Chester as a child never got punished. It makes you wonder how many victims lives this person has ruined.

Chester had all the money in the world, caring family and loved by many still it was not enough to cure him of his mental illness. This shows how hard it is to fight mental illness even with money. Mental illness is the worst and worst of all people do not understand how hard mentally ill people try to give themselves a good life. Everyone acts like seeing a therapist or counsellor is so easy. If it was so easy we would all be doing it.

Chester had a hard life and he fought till the very end. In the end mental illness won. Suicide is the end result of the mental illness overpowering the person and winning.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

You are so right. I have access the resources to do many things if I wanted to. I just don't see the value of it anymore. It wouldn't invoke any kind of happiness in me.

 

[NeedAnEscape]

Few people understand this side of mental illness. The pain doesn't fade; it doesn't always get better. Even when it does get better, everything can come crashing down all over again. While I do believe recovery is possible for the individuals that truly want it, it is a constant struggle to achieve. If we end up killing ourselves, we are labelled as 'selfish' for being a burden on family/friends and society. It is so frustrating to hear time and time again. People assume that someone has 'recovered,' only if they are not outwardly causing harm. Yet, the deep-rooted emotions inside all of us are what leads to relapses in thoughts and behaviors. I've tried to get better over the past five years. Yet, I found it impossible to truly be content living in a society that did not care for me. I found that my reasons to live are tethered in other people and objects, rather than myself. There is no point to my existence, if I cannot find a singular reason to stick around that's not linked to another human or material possessions. I want to give in -- and I can already imagine what other people will say about my passing. It disgusts me to know that I will be looked down upon with pity and remorse at my funeral. I wanted to live, but I cannot imagine this pain for much longer.

 

[FireFox]

You are so right. I have access the resources to do many things if I wanted to. I just don't see the value of it anymore. It wouldn't invoke any kind of happiness in me.

@MatrixPrisoner People think I am something amazing because I am very strong at public speaking and presenting ideas but I can not see that. I wish I could see the person everyone else sees but I can not.

People say " you are your worst enemy". I did not fucking choose to be this way, I do not want to be this way but no one understands that. This is the reality of living with a mental illness.

 

[Aim]

I feel this one.

 

[Gonnerr]

You got that right. They think we didn't do shit to save ourselves.

 

[2stubborn2die]

That's the way it is. Nobody cares until you're dead.

It is a very selfish world the one we live on.

Apparently, the absence of humanism is what defines us as humans.

 

[ArjunRamDas]

I really wanted to live, be happy and have a good life. I really tried my very best to give myself a good life. This year has been a year of everything going wrong since the 1st January. I have suicidal since the age of 21 and now at 26 I know I am dying when I reach 30. This year has shown me life isn't worth living and we have all been lied too saying life is worth living.

I went from having the best year of my life in 2022 to having the worst year of my life. I miss last year because the first time in my life I was no longer suicidal and looking forward to the future. To have it all come crashing down rapidly in 2023 and losing everything good I was looking forward too it has been so shocking. Sometimes I feel like I am living in a Netflix TV series. I am having the worst year of my life and I have no one talk too. I have no friends, my large family tree of relatives are just a complete disappointment and full of gossipers so I don't have any other family member to talk too. My immediate family are not great at listening. I have given up with the NHS and can't afford to go private. I feel my entire life is one big failure. Always unsuccessful with men while everyone else is getting married, just struggling to find my place in this world and nothing has gone right for me this year.

One of the worst things about being suicidal is no one saw how hard you really tried to live. In the end the mental illness wins. The mental pain I feel right now I feel so trapped and can not see any relief anymore. I really fought so hard to give myself a good life and I really wanted to live.

I can relate. I am also fed up with realising life is just going to be like a constant slap in the face. I don't feel I am mentally I just feel people don't understand what it is like to experience life like this. I'm tired of how no one wants people to resort to suicide, but they also really don't give a sh%# about the problems people are facing that make them feel suicide is the best or only option. I am tired of living in pain…

 

[Catch-22]

Will someone FUCKING help me, I'm so sick kf this stupid fucking bullshit, I've been searching for how to make a post for fucking three weks, WHY THE FUCK IS IT SK FUCKING DIFFICULT

I had the same problem for a long time.. it would never let me post. The other day I went into settings and clicked a few different things and I think it updated something and then I was able to post for the first time! I could always comment but never make my own post so go into settings. Good luck

Will someone FUCKING help me, I'm so sick kf this stupid fucking bullshit, I've been searching for how to make a post for fucking three weks, WHY THE FUCK IS IT SK FUCKING DIFFICULT

I had the same problem for a long time.. it would never let me post. The other day I went into settings and clicked0 a few different things and I think it updated something and then I was able to post for the first time! I could always comment but never make my own post so go into settings.
BTW I asked people how in the hell can I post on here and no one ever helped me. If going into settings doesn't work maybe installing app might work. I never did but just putting it out there.