Venting one good thing about being lonely

[logi3535]

last week, i unfriended my ex in just about everything. It hurt a lot but i mostly did it out of wanting to remove her first so she couldn't remove me, though there were still some places i was still following her. Well, today i woke up to see that she unfollowed me in those places too, it still hurts to see but, i suppose one good thing about all this is that it'll make the end a lot easier now that i know im not sticking around for someone in particular, and she can finally be free from my co dependent behaviour. I've always directly or indirectly pushed my friends away and I regret it so much, but there's nothing i can really do about it anymore, i feel like I've always been dragging everyone around me down with me and, despite their best attempts to save me, even when my ex tried, i always reverted back to my overly anxious self, i don't think i ever wanted to be saved. I hope nobody else has to go through losing a friend its so easy to say i deserve that pain but seeing others go through it and not being able to do anything hurts.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

last week, i unfriended my ex in just about everything. It hurt a lot but i mostly did it out of wanting to remove her first so she couldn't remove me, though there were still some places i was still following her. Well, today i woke up to see that she unfollowed me in those places too, it still hurts to see but, i suppose one good thing about all this is that it'll make the end a lot easier now that i know im not sticking around for someone in particular, and she can finally be free from my co dependent behaviour. I've always directly or indirectly pushed my friends away and I regret it so much, but there's nothing i can really do about it anymore, i feel like I've always been dragging everyone around me down with me and, despite their best attempts to save me, even when my ex tried, i always reverted back to my overly anxious self, i don't think i ever wanted to be saved. I hope nobody else has to go through losing a friend its so easy to say i deserve that pain but seeing others go through it and not being able to do anything hurts.

My ex has blocked me on almost everything except two messaging platforms. I have a hard time completely cutting her off. I've done a somewhat good job of keeping my distance, but she's been reaching out to me recently. It's making me consider blocking her on the last platforms even though I really don't want to. I do the same, in regards to pushing my ex away. She said I was overly clingy and she cheated soooo yeah, she's kinda a POS. I was clingy and practically dependent on her, but that doesn't mean it was okay for her to cheat.

I guess the one positive of this for you is that you can move on easier. I have PTSD from a traumatic event that has given me attachment issues, and this was a
diagnosis, I didn't even know that could happen. I lost everything in a very traumatic way so now I attach to people and things way easier than the average person. I've gotten better since then, and maybe I can find the fortitude to do what you did.


PS: You don't deserve the pain of losing a friend :)

 

[Aim]

I dont have to worry about bringing others down with my depression. I cant give anything to anyone as this point. So then its best to keep a distant. Even if it suck bad.

And at this point i wouldnt want to be be friends with me either.

 

[Argo]

I still keep a pending friend request from an ex after many years. I've also done exactly the type of behavior mentioned here, where you walk away to prevent getting hurt. Both are really just two sides of the same coin. We have intense need for desire, and this means we have intense aversion towards rejection. Everyone's somewhere between deeply broken or very good at pretending. Those last two sentences make human connection a very mentally ill game. Once you accept that and realize that fully, you can at least be slightly less broken. It is by not realizing that or forgetting it, that we suffer way more than we need to and cause others to suffer.

 

[bloodystarzklt]

I've always directly or indirectly pushed my friends away and I regret it so much, but there's nothing i can really do about it anymore, i feel like I've always been dragging everyone around me down with me and, despite their best attempts to save me, even when my ex tried, i always reverted back to my overly anxious self, i don't think i ever wanted to be saved.

i do relate to you a lot. I'm so sorry for you, i know how much it hurts. I've always isolated myself from the ppl i love bc i've always felt like a burden, it's sad to think about how they wanted to save me and yet i ended up pushing them away. Tho i don't know you, i can tell that it wasn't your fault, your heart must be so bruised. Sending lots of love to you.

 

[logi3535]

My ex has blocked me on almost everything except two messaging platforms. I have a hard time completely cutting her off. I've done a somewhat good job of keeping my distance, but she's been reaching out to me recently. It's making me consider blocking her on the last platforms even though I really don't want to. I do the same, in regards to pushing my ex away. She said I was overly clingy and she cheated soooo yeah, she's kinda a POS. I was clingy and practically dependent on her, but that doesn't mean it was okay for her to cheat.

I guess the one positive of this for you is that you can move on easier. I have PTSD from a traumatic event that has given me attachment issues, and this was a
diagnosis, I didn't even know that could happen. I lost everything in a very traumatic way so now I attach to people and things way easier than the average person. I've gotten better since then, and maybe I can find the fortitude to do what you did.


PS: You don't deserve the pain of losing a friend :)

aw thank you :) i think the hardest part is because for the longest time i was still holding out for a hope that things could go back to how they were, not just with eachother but with myself too. Sorry to hear she cheated on you, I don't believe there is any excuse for cheating, though I have seen couples go through that and make things work regardless, so I hope you're able to do the same, with or without her

I dont have to worry about bringing others down with my depression. I cant give anything to anyone as this point. So then its best to keep a distant. Even if it suck bad.

And at this point i wouldnt want to be be friends with me either.

aw, i'd wanna be friends with you :) keeping distance is always usually the safest bet, even if it hurts, though I don't recommend it, its more the kind advice you'd give yourself but not to anyone around you y'know?

I still keep a pending friend request from an ex after many years. I've also done exactly the type of behavior mentioned here, where you walk away to prevent getting hurt. Both are really just two sides of the same coin. We have intense need for desire, and this means we have intense aversion towards rejection. Everyone's somewhere between deeply broken or very good at pretending. Those last two sentences make human connection a very mentally ill game. Once you accept that and realize that fully, you can at least be slightly less broken. It is by not realizing that or forgetting it, that we suffer way more than we need to and cause others to suffer.

I suppose thats true in a lot of ways, I think nobody really wants to lose the good things they have so they focus more on the bad, and then you don't truly know what you had until its gone, its an unfortunate tragedy but its true in a lot of scenarios

i do relate to you a lot. I'm so sorry for you, i know how much it hurts. I've always isolated myself from the ppl i love bc i've always felt like a burden, it's sad to think about how they wanted to save me and yet i ended up pushing them away. Tho i don't know you, i can tell that it wasn't your fault, your heart must be so bruised. Sending lots of love to you.

same to you ! i think it takes a lot to push the people you love away, even if you don't mean to, truthfully i don't think anyone deserves to be alone yet we all seek that isolation for varying reasons, but it is what it is i suppose, i guess we all deserve better
also, love the aiko pfp :D

 

[bloodystarzklt]

same to you ! i think it takes a lot to push the people you love away, even if you don't mean to, truthfully i don't think anyone deserves to be alone yet we all seek that isolation for varying reasons, but it is what it is i suppose, i guess we all deserve better
also, love the aiko pfp :D

i agree w/ you
+(Aiko is such a queen!!))