One Final Shot

[CameronFrye]

I know if I continue the way I am I'm not going to last much longer. I could see myself ctb by the end of the year or sooner. I'm trapped in my parents home after dropping out of college. My parents are constantly fighting, and full of negativity that brings me down even further. We live in a soulless, dystopian suburban town that is copy and paste suburban home after home in neighborhood after neighborhood. Nobody talks to their neighbors and their top priorities are having a good looking lawn and a nice car in the driveway. If you want to go anywhere you have to drive, and you'll only pass by chain retail stores/fast food restaurants. My days consist of going to my retail job, the gym, and back home. I rarely see anyone my own age as everyone here is high school or younger, or middle aged or older. I can't afford to move out because all my money goes to student loan debt and gas/car expenses. I have to ctb or make dramatic changes, but I can't stay here.

I think I may have found an potential option to turn things around. I found a school that isnt too expensive (relative to other schools), and has a program that I'm interested in on the West Coast (I live on the East Coast). I very well could go there and find myself unable to connect with others and/or handle it mentally, and maybe I'm just giving myself false hope again. I already failed college twice, I'd be older than most other students, and I'd take on more debt. I really struggle with the idea of going to college again, but I don't know another option in my situation. At least this school is a lot different than my previous ones, being smaller and in a much different environment. if I'm going to ctb it might be worth throwing one last Hail Mary and maybe a miracle will happen. My parents think I'm crazy going so far away to a school that isn't well known to them, and maybe I am, but listening to them and being here has gotten me nowhere.

My energy and will to live is almost at empty, and I think I should use the last of what I have left to go all in on getting out. Maybe a change of scenery and being around people my own age from a different background is what I need. And if I fail again I can at least say I tried.

 

[edu0z]

I know if I continue the way I am I'm not going to last much longer. I could see myself ctb by the end of the year or sooner. I'm trapped in my parents home after dropping out of college. My parents are constantly fighting, and full of negativity that brings me down even further. We live in a soulless, dystopian suburban town that is copy and paste suburban home after home in neighborhood after neighborhood. Nobody talks to their neighbors and their top priorities are having a good looking lawn and a nice car in the driveway. If you want to go anywhere you have to drive, and you'll only pass by chain retail stores/fast food restaurants. My days consist of going to my retail job, the gym, and back home. I rarely see anyone my own age as everyone here is high school or younger, or middle aged or older. I can't afford to move out because all my money goes to student loan debt and gas/car expenses. I have to ctb or make dramatic changes, but I can't stay here.

I think I may have found an potential option to turn things around. I found a school that isnt too expensive (relative to other schools), and has a program that I'm interested in on the West Coast (I live on the East Coast). I very well could go there and find myself unable to connect with others and/or handle it mentally, and maybe I'm just giving myself false hope again. I already failed college twice, I'd be older than most other students, and I'd take on more debt. I really struggle with the idea of going to college again, but I don't know another option in my situation. At least this school is a lot different than my previous ones, being smaller and in a much different environment. if I'm going to ctb it might be worth throwing one last Hail Mary and maybe a miracle will happen. My parents think I'm crazy going so far away to a school that isn't well known to them, and maybe I am, but listening to them and being here has gotten me nowhere.

My energy and will to live is almost at empty, and I think I should use the last of what I have left to go all in on getting out. Maybe a change of scenery and being around people my own age from a different background is what I need. And if I fail again I can at least say I tried.

We are both in a similar situation, even in the house. I entered the university and left it after a short time because I could not bear more... since then I am stuck in my parents' house with no hope and no one my age around. That's why I made the decision of try it again and go to live in a university... good luck friend, I encourage.

 

[whatevs]

Sounds good, of course that you should try once more. As long as one chooses life logic dictates you ought to struggle to secure a place in the world and a sense of belonging. Good luck and I hope you find what you are looking for!

I caution you to expect bad experiences socially, at any rate. My advice is that even if you don't connect with anyone at the beginning, and I know that makes it more burdensome, you persevere with your studies and don't give up looking for people to connect with outside of university.

It seems that friendships are formed mostly in childhood and adolescence, I know some (more normal than me) people in college and they have friends outside, not inside.

 

[timf]

There is a lot to be said for the experimental process. Sometimes an experiment can be done in steps that allow changes if things don't work out. For example if prior to the West coast venture, you were to get a two year degree at a Vo-Tech School, you might be able to find a job anywhere if things didn't work out.

 

[WhiteDespair]

DO NOT GO AWAY TO COLLEGE TO ESCAPE YOUR SITUATION!!!

addicts do this to "get a fresh start" and fall into the same patterns and addiction again. they either need to have changed before moving or be willing to put in the effort to change once they get there which isn't easy.

doing this caused me to leave college with pretty useless degrees.

And, over $100k of student loan debt.

I was trying to pay $1500 a month for student loans on the backs of 2 minimum wage jobs. A loss of 1/2 day's wages meant I couldn't fulfill that requirement. That resulted in phone calls where my mother was screaming at me and me reassuring her that I would have the money next pay day. That is in addition to the calls and such from the loan companies.

I hated my retail job because the female managers didn't like me, but the male manager did like me. I wound up drinking on my breaks. And, swiping opiates from the medicine cabinet. I got caught and it caused strain within the family.

this led me to calling into a suicide line and spending a few weeks in an inpatient clinic followed by an extended outpatient stint. it allowed me a fresh start in many ways.

I decided to go to an expensive college primarily to escape my mother's abuse. This was after she demoralized me into flunking out of a respected college. Being told that I didn't know how to work and that I wouldn't be there next year became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I then mulled around community colleges and okay 4 year ones before going out of state which doubled the cost. I said it was because I didn't want to go home every weekend and that I wanted the experience. I really wanted to go somewhere that was far enough away that it would provide a logistical challenge for travel. She couldn't show up unexpectedly and I couldn't be coerced into going back on a whim.

the degrees only got me an assistant manager job at a retail food joint. I had shit training and when I asked a manager how to complete a sanitation task in the time he stated of 15 minutes he replied that I just had to do it. no tips. no instructions.

however, the following things did help me.

1. I went to a trade/tech school. this was substantially more useful than any of my colleges. a 1 year course cost less than one semester of college and I got a better job in that field that paid about as much as the assistant manager job. it was definitely underpaid and, to some extent I still am, but I got into the field. the trade school experience proved substantially more valuable than college.

2. I stopped paying my private student loans. federal and state loans will mess you up if you do not pay them. the feds have many more options than the private loan companies. the rules are simple. never, ever speak with anyone from the loan office or debt collector. they record the conversations and will use whatever information that they obtain will form the basis of their case. treat them like the police and the media: do not talk to them at all, under any circumstances, no matter how bad it might feel, no matter what others may think, no matter what "useful advice" given, no matter how appealing "doing the right thing" may seem. to deal with phone calls it is best to answer any calls with a non-descript "hello" and they will usually ask for <person> regarding an <important matter> or a <business matter>. do not state that the <person> mentioned is the <person> on the line. do not give them any information, no matter how innocuous it seems. instead, ask for the name and company and to what the call refers. if they persist with the <important> or <business> statement, hang up immediately. other callers will usually clarify why they are calling for <person>. look up the company to confirm that it is, in fact, a loan company or debt collector. then, use a phone's capability to block numbers and block that number. make the call into a contact. set that contact to never vibrate and never ring. label the contact with a "Z" prefix to make sure it's at the bottom of the contact list. block that contact. note the numbers from which the calls originate. chances are that the area code and first 3 digits will remain consistent as companies buy blocks of numbers. as such, blocking the first "555-555" in "555-555-5555" will block all the numbers that start with those first 6 digits. now, when they call, the phone does not ring and the call is instantly disconnected. I only know when one calls because I see a blocked call in my recent calls list. check the state's laws for the statute of limitations to collect a debt. then, hold fast. once that statute of limitations expires, then they cannot legally instigate actions to collect the debt. the caveat here is that the statute of limitations resets if either the debt is confirmed or a payment is made. hint: they will never receive either if they never get any information which is why never speaking with them is paramount. then, it's pretty much smooth sailing. any credit ratings will tank but items are removed from the report after 7 years. last 7 years without good credit and those failure to pay notices will be gone. any letters they send can be discarded or opened to laugh at how much the number is increasing. and, if they do find a way to come after me, well, then, might as well CtB in protest.

in summation, don't do what I did. don't go somewhere for a fresh start unless you're prepared to put in the effort to change. and, change isn't just consigned to the realms of education and employment. there are huge social, intrapersonal and general life skills that need to be learned. make sure it's possible to learn those, and it's possible to do so whatever the decision.

 

[KimKevorkian]

I know if I continue the way I am I'm not going to last much longer. I could see myself ctb by the end of the year or sooner. I'm trapped in my parents home after dropping out of college. My parents are constantly fighting, and full of negativity that brings me down even further. We live in a soulless, dystopian suburban town that is copy and paste suburban home after home in neighborhood after neighborhood. Nobody talks to their neighbors and their top priorities are having a good looking lawn and a nice car in the driveway. If you want to go anywhere you have to drive, and you'll only pass by chain retail stores/fast food restaurants. My days consist of going to my retail job, the gym, and back home. I rarely see anyone my own age as everyone here is high school or younger, or middle aged or older. I can't afford to move out because all my money goes to student loan debt and gas/car expenses. I have to ctb or make dramatic changes, but I can't stay here.

I think I may have found an potential option to turn things around. I found a school that isnt too expensive (relative to other schools), and has a program that I'm interested in on the West Coast (I live on the East Coast). I very well could go there and find myself unable to connect with others and/or handle it mentally, and maybe I'm just giving myself false hope again. I already failed college twice, I'd be older than most other students, and I'd take on more debt. I really struggle with the idea of going to college again, but I don't know another option in my situation. At least this school is a lot different than my previous ones, being smaller and in a much different environment. if I'm going to ctb it might be worth throwing one last Hail Mary and maybe a miracle will happen. My parents think I'm crazy going so far away to a school that isn't well known to them, and maybe I am, but listening to them and being here has gotten me nowhere.

My energy and will to live is almost at empty, and I think I should use the last of what I have left to go all in on getting out. Maybe a change of scenery and being around people my own age from a different background is what I need. And if I fail again I can at least say I tried.

Hey there, Check out a college in Olympia, WA alled The Evergreen State College. They don't require SAT score to get in and they don't do grades--just self-evaluation and faculty eval. It's self-directed study. Their enrollment is waaaaay down, so you might get a good deal. The key wd be to go to WA State a year ahead of time, so you can then qulify for in-state tuition rate which is considerably lower. My sister looked into it years ago as a possible faculty member. Matt Groening, who created the Simpsons, went there, as well as Michael Richards, from Seinfeld. Very cool offerings, but fairly PC oppressive, so be prepared. You can learn a ton abt environmental stuff. Ck it out on web. Buena suerte. You're gonna make it.

 

[CameronFrye]

Hey there, Check out a college in Olympia, WA alled The Evergreen State College. They don't require SAT score to get in and they don't do grades--just self-evaluation and faculty eval. It's self-directed study. Their enrollment is waaaaay down, so you might get a good deal. The key wd be to go to WA State a year ahead of time, so you can then qulify for in-state tuition rate which is considerably lower. My sister looked into it years ago as a possible faculty member. Matt Groening, who created the Simpsons, went there, as well as Michael Richards, from Seinfeld. Very cool offerings, but fairly PC oppressive, so be prepared. You can learn a ton abt environmental stuff. Ck it out on web. Buena suerte. You're gonna make it.

Thanks for the recommendation I'll have to check it out! I'm definitely looking at schools in the Western US to get far away from the area I've spent my entire life in.

 

[KimKevorkian]

Cool. It's a different place. Very feminist, always harping on "wht privelege", all that. I'm all for Howard Zinn, but give me a damn break. However, you can actually design your own curricucm there. Beautiful, damp country up there too. If you ever get the chance, check out the Olympic Peninsula and the Olympic National Park. I worked for the Forest Service--volunteered--decades ago, and lived in the rainforest above a wild river. I was broke as shit. I lived on Oreo cookies and 7UP. Not romanticizing it at all. I was TERRIFIED as to how I'd scrounge my next meal (just recalling this makes want to ctb!).

Somehow, through the terror, I made it through, with help.. God, life is so fucking hard for the most part, isn't ot? As long as I know I can leave peacefully (I'll keep seacrhing for the most peaceful means, whether N or the DeBreather redux, if that ever happens), then it helps me get through the roughest patches, because I have my soldiers' cyanide pill as it were if ever life became completely unbearable, totally, irrevocanly intolerable, you know?

Btw, the other person's suggestion about trade school is a great idea. Very practical. I wish I had. Would have saved me lots of financial struggle no doubt through the years. Even sound engineering, producing, carpentry. But nope. I was into creative writing and comedy. What an idiot I was/am. So many regrets, amigo. Don't let that be you. Learn from dumb dumb here. One warning--it's said most students in the NW smell like mothballs and Cheetos.

 

[CameronFrye]

Cool. It's a different place. Very feminist, always harping on "wht privelege", all that. I'm all for Howard Zinn, but give me a damn break. However, you can actually design your own curricucm there. Beautiful, damp country up there too. If you ever get the chance, check out the Olympic Peninsula and the Olympic National Park. I worked for the Forest Service--volunteered--decades ago, and lived in the rainforest above a wild river. I was broke as shit. I lived on Oreo cookies and 7UP. Not romanticizing it at all. I was TERRIFIED as to how I'd scrounge my next meal (just recalling this makes want to ctb!).

Somehow, through the terror, I made it through, with help.. God, life is so fucking hard for the most part, isn't ot? As long as I know I can leave peacefully (I'll keep seacrhing for the most peaceful means, whether N or the DeBreather redux, if that ever happens), then it helps me get through the roughest patches, because I have my soldiers' cyanide pill as it were if ever life became completely unbearable, totally, irrevocanly intolerable, you know?

Btw, the other person's suggestion about trade school is a great idea. Very practical. I wish I had. Would have saved me lots of financial struggle no doubt through the years. Even sound engineering, producing, carpentry. But nope. I was into creative writing and comedy. What an idiot I was/am. So many regrets, amigo. Don't let that be you. Learn from dumb dumb here. One warning--it's said most students in the NW smell like mothballs and Cheetos.

Thank you. I have a way out ready if needed, which helps, but I want to try a little longer to get better.

And trade school makes sense financially for sure, I just don't know if I could do that for 40+ years. And I'm sorry you didn't have the opportunity to peruse creative writing and comedy, that sounds like it would've been really fun if it worked out. It sucks our society pushes us to peruse money over our passions.