wisp
Member
- Oct 19, 2023
- 65
I did not know about this forum, I became aware of it after a user who was part of another forum flew away leaving this earth.
I did not know of the existence of such a place, where one could freely discuss what is forbidden more or less everywhere in the world, suicide being considered a Taboo.
I did not accomplish anything in life, I was sexually abused by my family and relatives when I was a child. My aunt and my mother used to masturbate me or when I was a child, I don't even remember the age, maybe I was in primary school. I remember that while I was in the room, they would stick their filthy hands in my underwear and touch me and if even I tried to rebel they would force them back on.
I was traumatised by toxic family relationships with my parents, where my father is a no-good, first-rate loser and my mother is a Catholic bigot.
My father is a denier, a schemer while my mother even went as far as to burn my Yu-Gi-Oh cards believing they were haunted by spirits and ghosts.
My mother, during an argument over a bad grade I got at school, told me "you might as well kill yourself, that way you can save us money"
My only nest at home was my grandmother, whom everyone treated as mentally ill and sedated her with psychotropic drugs (like Valium) until they killed her.
My brother is the 'apple that fell far from the tree', he had the courage from an early age to leave home and spend his days and nights with other people. My brother has never really been part of the family, my parents have always hated and loathed him. My mother after an argument with my brother told him that she wanted to have an abortion, that my brother's birth was a mistake.
My brother got engaged, several times, I was always teased by his girlfriends and close friends who would come up to the house to make fun of me and take pictures of me during my period of depression (I was always in my pyjamas).
On top of that, in the last relationship my brother didn't know what to give his current partner as a present, so my parents locked themselves in the room with him and gave him a gold watch that was mine. A gold watch and necklace that had been 'entrusted' to me at my baptism or communion.
I only found out about it later and they didn't want to know anything about it, they didn't want to explain it to me.
I did not have a happy childhood, I had no real friends, let alone romantic relationships.
In middle school I was constantly blamed for everything, even for a boy who had urinated outside the school toilets. The teacher in charge of our class made a box where the children in my class (including me) were to vote on who they thought had urinated outside the toilets.
Needless to say, everyone voted for me, because I was the 'weakest' one and always the scapegoat.
Those few acquaintances I had stabbed me in the back in my moments of difficulty. The same ones I helped with fights they had started on Instagram out of jealousy with other people.
If I look back, I've achieved nothing and can't see into the future. I don't have a job, unfortunately I live in the third world, in a run-down neighbourhood, and if you don't have parents who have friends to get your children into work, you simply don't work.
I cannot look to the future, I am hesitant to take the one-way flight to the cemetery.
I am tired, I am a failure like my father and full of unmanageable traumas from the past. The pain is strong, but it is as if I am inside a pit where I see a way out without being able to reach it.
I did not know of the existence of such a place, where one could freely discuss what is forbidden more or less everywhere in the world, suicide being considered a Taboo.
I did not accomplish anything in life, I was sexually abused by my family and relatives when I was a child. My aunt and my mother used to masturbate me or when I was a child, I don't even remember the age, maybe I was in primary school. I remember that while I was in the room, they would stick their filthy hands in my underwear and touch me and if even I tried to rebel they would force them back on.
I was traumatised by toxic family relationships with my parents, where my father is a no-good, first-rate loser and my mother is a Catholic bigot.
My father is a denier, a schemer while my mother even went as far as to burn my Yu-Gi-Oh cards believing they were haunted by spirits and ghosts.
My mother, during an argument over a bad grade I got at school, told me "you might as well kill yourself, that way you can save us money"
My only nest at home was my grandmother, whom everyone treated as mentally ill and sedated her with psychotropic drugs (like Valium) until they killed her.
My brother is the 'apple that fell far from the tree', he had the courage from an early age to leave home and spend his days and nights with other people. My brother has never really been part of the family, my parents have always hated and loathed him. My mother after an argument with my brother told him that she wanted to have an abortion, that my brother's birth was a mistake.
My brother got engaged, several times, I was always teased by his girlfriends and close friends who would come up to the house to make fun of me and take pictures of me during my period of depression (I was always in my pyjamas).
On top of that, in the last relationship my brother didn't know what to give his current partner as a present, so my parents locked themselves in the room with him and gave him a gold watch that was mine. A gold watch and necklace that had been 'entrusted' to me at my baptism or communion.
I only found out about it later and they didn't want to know anything about it, they didn't want to explain it to me.
I did not have a happy childhood, I had no real friends, let alone romantic relationships.
In middle school I was constantly blamed for everything, even for a boy who had urinated outside the school toilets. The teacher in charge of our class made a box where the children in my class (including me) were to vote on who they thought had urinated outside the toilets.
Needless to say, everyone voted for me, because I was the 'weakest' one and always the scapegoat.
Those few acquaintances I had stabbed me in the back in my moments of difficulty. The same ones I helped with fights they had started on Instagram out of jealousy with other people.
If I look back, I've achieved nothing and can't see into the future. I don't have a job, unfortunately I live in the third world, in a run-down neighbourhood, and if you don't have parents who have friends to get your children into work, you simply don't work.
I cannot look to the future, I am hesitant to take the one-way flight to the cemetery.
I am tired, I am a failure like my father and full of unmanageable traumas from the past. The pain is strong, but it is as if I am inside a pit where I see a way out without being able to reach it.
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