inkmage333
eagerly chasing the end
- Feb 18, 2025
- 25
My mom in particular is extremely volatile. I don't really know what sets her off, all I know is that anything can and will get her flying into rage. In fact, it's just happened minutes ago, where one minute we were all just sitting on the couch, the next minute she just started screaming about the house and also yelled at me for being depressed. "Enough of this [my depression]," she says. "It's because you don't do your chores." As if doing my chores would change how I feel, I've done them before and I still end up depressed during. Makes me wanna ctb more, in fact. And to top it off, she has the gall to say that I'll guilt-trip her later on about it, when she's been the one who does most of the guilt-tripping. What the hell?
Not only that, but she insists on knowing almost all aspects of my life. My location, who I talk to, my passwords for certain accounts, even my private health information. I can't really have much to myself because her excuse is that I "don't know how to handle these things properly yet". She insists that I can hardly think for myself because I'm so "easily manipulated" especially when I listen to other people that aren't her. If I have friends that don't meet her or my dad's "standards" (as in, allowed economic classes or races, or what they do), they start trying to scare me away from talking to them. The claim is that they'll be bad influences to me if I keep talking to them, which is stupid. But they don't care.
My dad isn't any better. He's someone who commands total respect, and if he doesn't get it, he takes it out on me or my sibling. He will start screaming at us randomly if he so much as thinks he isn't getting respect, and he's even threatened to take away my health insurance...to my mom, because he thinks she's influencing me to be more independent from him, something he doesn't like. He also gets particularly angry on Sundays, because my mom is out of the house to meet with an incarcerated friend on those days. My feelings towards that particular situation change every time, but my dad always hates it, so he takes it out on his kids.
I think catching the bus would finally free me from all of this. Moving out wouldn't be enough, because financially I'd still be under their thumbs. I'm just done. I can't take it anymore. No one will save me from this. No one is coming to save me.
Not only that, but she insists on knowing almost all aspects of my life. My location, who I talk to, my passwords for certain accounts, even my private health information. I can't really have much to myself because her excuse is that I "don't know how to handle these things properly yet". She insists that I can hardly think for myself because I'm so "easily manipulated" especially when I listen to other people that aren't her. If I have friends that don't meet her or my dad's "standards" (as in, allowed economic classes or races, or what they do), they start trying to scare me away from talking to them. The claim is that they'll be bad influences to me if I keep talking to them, which is stupid. But they don't care.
My dad isn't any better. He's someone who commands total respect, and if he doesn't get it, he takes it out on me or my sibling. He will start screaming at us randomly if he so much as thinks he isn't getting respect, and he's even threatened to take away my health insurance...to my mom, because he thinks she's influencing me to be more independent from him, something he doesn't like. He also gets particularly angry on Sundays, because my mom is out of the house to meet with an incarcerated friend on those days. My feelings towards that particular situation change every time, but my dad always hates it, so he takes it out on his kids.
I think catching the bus would finally free me from all of this. Moving out wouldn't be enough, because financially I'd still be under their thumbs. I'm just done. I can't take it anymore. No one will save me from this. No one is coming to save me.
