SpiritualDeath
I return to the raiding shadows of death.
- Sep 9, 2023
- 211
It's basically just watching your body and mind decay until you reach that inevitable end.
Obviously I have a problem with life, but actually I do feel, let's say "glad" or "grateful" about certain things. For one I'm very glad that I'm not intellectually disabled or have any specific learning disability (yes, indeed, it could have been worse). I do enjoy learning and I'm glad that I get to do that efficiently enough to satisfy myself. I'm glad that I got to learn about and understand AN, efilism and other similar ideas at a fairly young age, which has not only freed me from all the harmful pro-life indoctrination but also saved me from any potential possibility of making that irreversible mistake of imposing life on another child. My cognitive ability is one of the very few things I genuinely value in this stupid cheese-chasing game called existence. And then there was this study I once read, saying that having autism increases your chance of getting alzheimer's when you're old (and even at lower age compared with average), and I was like "oh fuck me". It doesn't even matter if this piece of information is true or not, just, fuck this life for even making autism and alzheimer's both a thing. I feel like ctbing just from thinking about the possibility that one day I'll have to experience this gradual decay in intellectual ability. Getting old is being eaten alive by life until death finally sets you free.
My grandpa suffered a horrible old age. He was already suffering from several cardiovascular diseases when I was little (in primary school if I remember correctly), was continuously in and out of hospital, did a few major surgeries, but still ended up completely paralyzed, bedridden in the last few years of his life. He couldn't even turn himself over and eat by himself, and as a result my grandma had to take care of him 24/7. People love to say things like "you need to get married and have children or else you'll suffer when you get old from loneliness or smth", but the truth is, my grandpa lived a pretty good life (by their standards): worked hard and made some money when he was young, got married, had kids, etc., and nothing, I mean literally NOTHING saved him (or could save him) from still suffering to that level throughout the last decade of his life. It frustrates me how people just don't talk about this simple fact. They just turn their heads away and pretend not to see it, and pray to their Gods that such tragedy won't befall them (but it always will befall someone in the end). When talking about old age, they just say that everyone has to go through this and that's why you should get married and have children. HA? HA.
Why would anyone want to get old and be in such conditions?
Even the existing laws and organizations supporting the right to die are imo to some extent pro-life, bc you still need a "good enough reason", most of the time this being already suffering immensely, for them to allow you access. Fuck that. imo not wanting to be at risk of suffering in this existence is already more than good enough as a reason to want to opt out.
Obviously I have a problem with life, but actually I do feel, let's say "glad" or "grateful" about certain things. For one I'm very glad that I'm not intellectually disabled or have any specific learning disability (yes, indeed, it could have been worse). I do enjoy learning and I'm glad that I get to do that efficiently enough to satisfy myself. I'm glad that I got to learn about and understand AN, efilism and other similar ideas at a fairly young age, which has not only freed me from all the harmful pro-life indoctrination but also saved me from any potential possibility of making that irreversible mistake of imposing life on another child. My cognitive ability is one of the very few things I genuinely value in this stupid cheese-chasing game called existence. And then there was this study I once read, saying that having autism increases your chance of getting alzheimer's when you're old (and even at lower age compared with average), and I was like "oh fuck me". It doesn't even matter if this piece of information is true or not, just, fuck this life for even making autism and alzheimer's both a thing. I feel like ctbing just from thinking about the possibility that one day I'll have to experience this gradual decay in intellectual ability. Getting old is being eaten alive by life until death finally sets you free.
My grandpa suffered a horrible old age. He was already suffering from several cardiovascular diseases when I was little (in primary school if I remember correctly), was continuously in and out of hospital, did a few major surgeries, but still ended up completely paralyzed, bedridden in the last few years of his life. He couldn't even turn himself over and eat by himself, and as a result my grandma had to take care of him 24/7. People love to say things like "you need to get married and have children or else you'll suffer when you get old from loneliness or smth", but the truth is, my grandpa lived a pretty good life (by their standards): worked hard and made some money when he was young, got married, had kids, etc., and nothing, I mean literally NOTHING saved him (or could save him) from still suffering to that level throughout the last decade of his life. It frustrates me how people just don't talk about this simple fact. They just turn their heads away and pretend not to see it, and pray to their Gods that such tragedy won't befall them (but it always will befall someone in the end). When talking about old age, they just say that everyone has to go through this and that's why you should get married and have children. HA? HA.
Why would anyone want to get old and be in such conditions?
Even the existing laws and organizations supporting the right to die are imo to some extent pro-life, bc you still need a "good enough reason", most of the time this being already suffering immensely, for them to allow you access. Fuck that. imo not wanting to be at risk of suffering in this existence is already more than good enough as a reason to want to opt out.
