Oh...

[orlandom]

My sister is going on vacation to a resort after a very difficult year working with her family. I can't afford to ruin her vacation with my CTB. I just 11/10 would like this in the coming days. I'm tired.

Tried 2 days without alcohol. The memories of the happy life that I lived and which cannot be returned immediately returned. Oh...

Sorry for sharing my heartache ... I can't with anyone else. I closed myself off from everyone.

As I said earlier. That in my case there is no point in stalling for time ... Everything will not be better than before ... I definitely know for me it was the best relationship in the world. We were one.

My problem is that I can't do it in the evening or at night ... Only in the morning. And at this time, my instinct for self-preservation is as high as possible. To be honest, I have already sat with a glass in my hands in my car 3 times already.

Easier every time. The third time I drank a little. This is not as bad as it sounds.

Mom still believes in my career and my happy family life. But I know I don't want to. This is strange. Probably everything is in our head.

...

Every time I compare her (my ex) to someone on the street. I compare us to some couple on the street. I see that I was happy. I was happy.

...

I am extremely unhappy. I can't use SN with alcohol. It diminishes my instinct incredibly.

And yes. I do not want to sit here for a year, two or three on this forum. I need to either go to one door or to the other and close.

I don't see myself in a year or two.

My life was fucking cut short. Fuck.

...

I would be glad people didn't leave here. But this is so strange. For example, I miss @TessB and somoone guys. I wish she was here when I leave. So lonely...

..

Why does the brain sometimes refuse to try to repair itself? When people all around say that everything can still be corrected in life?

 

[notsure04]

I feel people around us (family, friends) not always mean what they say. When they tell us whatever we facing CAN be fixed, they're just trying to make us feel better which is cute; there isn't much they could say anyway. Not everything can be fixed, sadly. Hm
And I think people dont want to see others dying bc that reminds them of their own mortality and people go thru life as if they will never die; they dont wanna deal with death. Death of others is a reminder and I think it triggers them. I know my time is coming and Im super anxious and sad, I never thought I out of anyone would be dying so soon but it's not much of a choice. I dont think theres anything i could say to make you better but maybe try thinking there are a lot of people here feeling the same so we're not all alone. hugs, hunty

 

[Bullit]

Orlando,this may sound stupid,and if so OK,but as much as you love "her", maybe u can find someone else??

 

[Hurt]

I'm so sorry Orlando. Some people just can't be replaced. No matter how many therapy sessions or meds we will still feel their absense. Hugs.

 

[FuneralCry]

Life really can be painful, our memories can torture us as we are unable to forget anything. If you do leave this world then I wish you peace.

 

[WornOutLife]

It's really difficult to feel better but in spite of all your pain, it seems you're trying to recover somehow and I really admire that!

As for the alcohol, instead of drinking 7 days a week, start doing it 6 days, the next week 5, the following one 4 and so on.

Wish you the best and feel free to talk to me whenever you want!

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[orlandom]

I moved on to some other stage. I closed myself off from everyone. I'm afraid to share my feelings. I stopped telling what I feel inside myself.

I used to post so much on this forum. I posted clips that showed how I felt. Now I feel that the feelings are fading. Fuck. This is so bad.