It hasn't even been 24 hours since I got my fentanyl and people are already asking me for things and trauma dumping on me.
I thought long and hard about it all. The reality is that it's not fair to me to stick around and sacrifice when I was trying to kill myself just a few days ago. I thought of the worst case situation which would be for me to go back to prison. I did 2 years and was released in 2018. I was one class short of my master's! I know if I get arrested, then I am going to do serious time. No one knows what's going to happen. It makes me wish I had died years ago. A part of me says wait it out but the "adult" side says to "check out."
- My mother is going forward with moving into an assisted living facility
- My aunt entered hospice
- My boss is asking me to house sit while he is on vacation
- I was at a loss so I reached out to my psychologist. I haven't seem him in months because of work. I asked if he was free and he said no. No follow up. No offering of other sessions. I was going to ask him what to do. I don't think he wants me as a patient. My background probably turned him off.
- I still have a potential, serious legal issue. It's been 17 days and nothing. But no doubt that it can pop up on me at any moment, at any time.
I thought long and hard about it all. The reality is that it's not fair to me to stick around and sacrifice when I was trying to kill myself just a few days ago. I thought of the worst case situation which would be for me to go back to prison. I did 2 years and was released in 2018. I was one class short of my master's! I know if I get arrested, then I am going to do serious time. No one knows what's going to happen. It makes me wish I had died years ago. A part of me says wait it out but the "adult" side says to "check out."
