"Oh, I'll do that after I die"

[charlottewilts]

not sure whether this would fit better in suicide or offtopic, but here goes.

so i love learning new things. mostly languages (i'm especially fond of German and Russian, though i've been trying to learn some Japanese and Polish as well), theology and psychology. i like music, too, and i really want to pick up the piano again (it's been collecting dust for so long...) as well as drawing.

however, i sweep these things under the rug because i simply have no motivation anymore nor do i enjoy things (ah, anhedonia...) and keep telling myself that after i CTB, i'll do all these things, as irrational as that sounds, since i'll just be feeding the worms.

does anyone else have thoughts like this? what would you like to do?

 

[BPD Barbie]

I used to be big into languages, was learning Korean and Chinese, wanted to learn Dutch. Can already speak a few languages. I wanted to get back into streaming on Twitch, make jewellery again. Loads of stuff, but it's all kinda died as I've slowly died inside. My motivation is hardly there to even get out of bed most days let alone put my brain to use.

 

[Nemeshisu]

Hahaha, this post made me chuckle.

I kinda have similar thoughts. There's a lot things I want to do. I want to go to a trip to Russia, especially to the city of Vladivostok. I also want to ride trans-siberian railroad. I want to visit Japan. or Mongolia. Or China etc. You get the point, I would like to travel. A LOT!
I also want to learn Japanese, Russian and Italian. And maybe improve my German. But I haven't made much progress due to lack of motivation.
There are few books I would like to read.

However, I always tell myself: "Well, Maybe i do it in the next life". Funny thing is I don't even believe in reincarnation.

 

[Fragile]

in a way i feel the same way, but instead i just say "maybe in another life"

i already abandoned all of my projects, i used to be really into art and fashion design, but that dream died long ago when i realized that i could do none of those things with this body, in this life.

 

[porfin1234]

Dance dance dance. Perform all over the world. And paint my little heart out. Maybe teach dance as well or volunteer somehow. Be more involved in "hippie" scene so to speak.

 

[charlottewilts]

I used to be big into languages, was learning Korean and Chinese, wanted to learn Dutch. Can already speak a few languages. I wanted to get back into streaming on Twitch, make jewellery again. Loads of stuff, but it's all kinda died as I've slowly died inside. My motivation is hardly there to even get out of bed most days let alone put my brain to use.

that sounds wonderful! it's impressive you already know a few; which ones, if i may ask? i love reading your posts here, i'm sure you were a fun streamer to watch i feel you on the getting out of bed part, if i didn't have to work i'd just lay there all day long. my brain's mostly mulch at this point.

Hahaha, this post made me chuckle.

I kinda have similar thoughts. There's a lot things I want to do. I want to go to a trip to Russia, especially to the city of Vladivostok. I also want to ride trans-siberian railroad. I want to visit Japan. or Mongolia. Or China etc. You get the point, I would like to travel. A LOT!
I also want to learn Japanese, Russian and Italian. And maybe improve my German. But I haven't made much progress due to lack of motivation.
There are few books I would like to read.

However, I always tell myself: "Well, Maybe i do it in the next life". Funny thing is I don't even believe in reincarnation.

i'm glad i could make you laugh! ^^ i'm more of a homebody, but i do love travelling by train, just to see the sights. i've been wanting to ride the trans-siberian railroad for a long time as well, when it's snowy. do you struggle with reading, too? i have a few books on my shelf that i'd love to read before i go, but i can barely get a few pages in; my thoughts keep distracting me well, lack thereof, more precisely.

in a way i feel the same way, but instead i just say "maybe in another life"

i already abandoned all of my projects, i used to be really into art and fashion design, but that dream died long ago when i realized that i could do none of those things with this body, in this life.

i find myself saying "maybe in another life" too. i'm sorry you couldn't accomplish your dreams with art and design. if you decide to go, i hope you get to achieve them in another timeline

Dance dance dance. Perform all over the world. And paint my little heart out. Maybe teach dance as well or volunteer somehow. Be more involved in "hippie" scene so to speak.

i don't know your circumstances, but if you have desire to recover and the means to do so, i hope you will and that you'll be able to do these things as well

 

[LegaliseIt!]

I would ride a bike across Canada (in the summer!)

 

[Life sucks]

Yea I feel like this a lot. I want to learn many languages, learn music, play many games and watch much stuff. But I don't even do 10% of that because of many problems happening in life ranging from Anhedonia that comes and goes to stupid shit in life and toxic people that ruins one's day, not to mention how existing needs money and money to do stuff and if you just collect money, you have no time to do what you want. The fundamental problem of time and how life is shit prevents one from doing what they want, there are some people who ctbed because they can't do what they want, a scientist that feels the limitations of one's life or athlete that ages and can't play anymore while loving the sport and many more examples.

So personally, I feel bad when I see others who accomplish while I don't do anything and I'm supposed to be better (not envy or anything but how life is shitting on people and how one's life has no value in this shitty world). I want to learn more Japanese mainly, also some Spanish and many other languages. I wanted to compose music, I always listened to music and my mind constantly compose new cool music and unfortunately I know almost nothing about how to compose so everything in my mind is lost although I'm sure it would be great hit and unique music.
I wanted to play games infinitely and want to rewind time so I can experience the games again for the first time. I love video game soundtracks and everything related to the games. I wish I could live inside that world instead of the shitty world. So yea, I dream sometimes of doing completionist run or speedrun to show the love of the game. However, there are many games and time is limited and is moving fast and I feel I can't keep or catch up and I feel aging.

I want to watch anime, movies or anything. I mainly watch anime and there are countless anime for decades and I want to watch them but the time is limited, not to mention how I want to watch some of them multiple times. I love the soundtracks, openings and endings and wished that I could play them.

There are also some interests that I used to read and research about like multiple science topics, logic, programming and computing.


There are much many other stuff I want to do, I just can't put them all here and maybe I forget some. However, even if I'm theoretically able to do something, I'm limited by life and time, limited by the biological body and can't do everything. People always says to choose one path or one thing to do, no thanks, I want to do everything I want and choose multiple paths at once. If life doesn't allow me, then fuck life.

 

[BPD Barbie]

that sounds wonderful! it's impressive you already know a few; which ones, if i may ask? i love reading your posts here, i'm sure you were a fun streamer to watch i feel you on the getting out of bed part, if i didn't have to work i'd just lay there all day long. my brain's mostly mulch at this point.

Aww thank you! That's really sweet of you. I speak Norwegian, as I'm half Norwegian, Swedish, can understand Danish and some German. Scandinavian languages are all very similar. Hope you're keeping your head up, you got this

 

[Brick In The Wall]

We will all be Masters of the Universe after this thing they call "life!"

 

[BooGirl]

I kind of hope that we get an afterlife to do whatever we like in, without any pain. I also love learning languages! It's just, I dunno, life's not worth it.

 

[Nemeshisu]

do you struggle with reading, too? i have a few books on my shelf that i'd love to read before i go, but i can barely get a few pages in; my thoughts keep distracting me well, lack thereof, more precisely.

Yes, since my depression has gotten worse, I have a lot of trouble focusing on reading. I was big bookworm but nowadays, I just can't read. It doesn't matter that I find some books interesting. When I read, I often have to read same paragraph over and over again just to understand what I am reading. I find myself reading the same page twice or thrice sometimes. This can be very annoying so I usually give up after 10 pages or so. Nowadays, I can only read either children books or short articles.

 

[charlottewilts]

Yes, since my depression has gotten worse, I have a lot of trouble focusing on reading. I was big bookworm but nowadays, I just can't read. It doesn't matter that I find some books interesting. When I read, I often have to read same paragraph over and over again just to understand what I am reading. I find myself reading the same page twice or thrice sometimes. This can be very annoying so I usually give up after 10 pages or so. Nowadays, I can only read either children books or short articles.

i experience the literal same thing you just described. i used to love reading so much. i had just finished reading some Steinbeck before a huge wave of depression swallowed me again. lovely quote in your signature, by the way. i think the saddest part is that Dazai is one of my favourite authors and i have Schoolgirl on my shelf, but have only managed to read it halfway.

I kind of hope that we get an afterlife to do whatever we like in, without any pain. I also love learning languages! It's just, I dunno, life's not worth it.

that's what i'm mostly hoping for in the afterlife, too. i like translating subtitles on YT videos or looking at memes in my target languages. but like you said, it can't be a distraction for long.

We will all be Masters of the Universe after this thing they call "life!"

now wouldn't it be interesting if we all became "gods" after dying!

There are much many other stuff I want to do, I just can't put them all here and maybe I forget some. However, even if I'm theoretically able to do something, I'm limited by life and time, limited by the biological body and can't do everything. People always says to choose one path or one thing to do, no thanks, I want to do everything I want and choose multiple paths at once. If life doesn't allow me, then fuck life.

this is one of the fundamental truths of life that i just cannot accept, either. if i was well in the head and free of financial stress, i'd probably wish for a longer lifespan to do all the things i wanted to do.

I would ride a bike across Canada (in the summer!)

i wish you luck if you decide to do this in this "timeline" my lungs would collapse just biking to the supermarket on the other side of town

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Now you're cooking on many levels. We already are Gods in a sense and will set our own paths and ways forward!

 

[Misanthrope]

Sometimes I get this really intense feeling like if I died I would wake up.

 

[irrelevant_string]

From my current anhedonic point of view, learning can be a tediously repetitive series of tasks at the beginning until a point is reached where already acquired knowledge enables you to engage with the new material in a more creative way. Getting to that point is not possible in my current mental state and that's how I've lost the willingness to learn about entirely unfamiliar topics.
Mathematics is one of the few interests that I still pursue to some extent, although now perhaps more out of habit than anything else.

I think that it's nice that you have such a wide range of interests. I've always had a feeling that my life would appear much more meaningful if I had an artistic side to complement the other one, but who knows.

I have trouble reading too and one thing I could recommend is switching to audio books and listening to them while performing mechanical tasks. I find that there's less opportunity for getting lost in thoughts when I keep myself busy on two different levels.

 

[Finis Autem Spero]

So there's three things that I hope are one of the things that happen after you die:

1. Nothingness. By far the most likely, almost 100% certain. Still a positive outcome.

2. Become a spookyboi. Not at all likely, but it would be fun just fucking with people. Can explore at will assuming traditional ghost lore about being tied to place of death isn't accurate.

3. Personal heaven. Also very unlikely and the only way I see this happening is due to a burst of brain chemicals being shot through you as you die that make you happy, hallucinate vividly and stretch your temporal perception of that last moment to eternity. As I said, not remotely likely; but a guy can hope. Would be spending my hallucinogenic eternity in giant forests and libraries either exploring with all the wild animals or learning all the things. A figurative playground where I can do all the things I wanted to in life.