Some therapists took me serious. And it depended on the time period. Some therapists took me serious sometimes and sometimes not.
I have 3 stories in my mind. 4 years ago I was in a clinic. Two therapists have given me up to that time prior to the clinic stay. I was obsessed with that thought which should be understandable. I told the therapist at the clnic I am not fully sure whether this might be a paranoid thought and she fully pretened it was one without digging deeper. I know as a fact my therapist said to me: "It is easier for you just to give up. You are smart enough to recognize that. A clinic stay would probably be better for you know." She went on saying that other form of therapies won't change much because my autism was too deeply entrenchened in my personality. Tbh there was some bullshit and some truth in this statement. Yes I am a hopless case. But 1 year afterwards I improved which also surprised the therapists who have given up on me. The thing I really dislike they were so fucking fast at judging my case without digging deeper. So they just called me delusional. I swallowed it down because I improved and hoped for an happy end.
I was pretty suicidal (still am) 2-3 months ago. My psychiatrist took it serious. But they forget it so fucking fast. And if I don't remind them they just act like the thoughts disappeared. (Tomorrow I have an appointment with her I am not sure how honest I should be.) Some weeks later I had a new appointment. And she told me seems like college does not make much sense anymore it is time for an alternative. I am well aware of that fact. This is what makes me so suicidal. I have no alternative though. I told her that. I told her I am extremely struggling with my part-time studying and I am clinging on that because that's my last and only hope. I told her I am really desperate. She just laughed and told me well you just elaborated on the way to go for you. I considered her laughter as quite offensive. I know it is totally pathetic but I literally have no other chance. However, more and more do I think suicide is better than going back to college. And I might tell her that tomorrow. But the clinic report might calm her down. And this is the last story.
College deteriorated my health physically and mentally in a dramatic way. I was acute suicidal and went to the clinic (the same as the one of story one but with different therapists). The staff was well aware how horrible my life quality and how hopeless my case is. They took me serious. At the last day I told my therapist that the clinic stay helped. I wanted to maintain the chance of coming back in case I needed it. Tbh it did not help that much but it costed a lot of money. (my insurance). I was scared to say that barely anything changed. I have extreme anxiety about poverty. I will not survive on welfare and I openly communicated that.
In my clinic report it says something like. "We have worked on the fixation of the patient about his allegedly hopeless future and achieved that he adapted a more rational and realistic perspective of his future." LMAO. I cannot take this serious. It was the same statement than the thing the therapist of story one wrote. Is this something they write in almost all reports of this clinic? Honestly, it gives me the vibes they label all suicidal patients (there were many in this clnic) as irrational. This is why I cannot really take it serious. I think they are aware there are hopeless cases. I have tried over 25 medication, I am suicidal since more than a decade, this was my sixth clinic stay, I had 3 psychotherapies. I cannot work and poverty will kill me. I am very well aware about the prospects of my future. Writing something like that in the clnic report is sort of offensive. But it does not change much anyway. I am going to kill myself anyway. I am a little bit scared this optimistic report could decrease my chance to get Germany's NEET money called "Pflegegeld". Someone in this forum told me about that but sadly she is not active on here anymore. I would need her help.
I have 3 stories in my mind. 4 years ago I was in a clinic. Two therapists have given me up to that time prior to the clinic stay. I was obsessed with that thought which should be understandable. I told the therapist at the clnic I am not fully sure whether this might be a paranoid thought and she fully pretened it was one without digging deeper. I know as a fact my therapist said to me: "It is easier for you just to give up. You are smart enough to recognize that. A clinic stay would probably be better for you know." She went on saying that other form of therapies won't change much because my autism was too deeply entrenchened in my personality. Tbh there was some bullshit and some truth in this statement. Yes I am a hopless case. But 1 year afterwards I improved which also surprised the therapists who have given up on me. The thing I really dislike they were so fucking fast at judging my case without digging deeper. So they just called me delusional. I swallowed it down because I improved and hoped for an happy end.
I was pretty suicidal (still am) 2-3 months ago. My psychiatrist took it serious. But they forget it so fucking fast. And if I don't remind them they just act like the thoughts disappeared. (Tomorrow I have an appointment with her I am not sure how honest I should be.) Some weeks later I had a new appointment. And she told me seems like college does not make much sense anymore it is time for an alternative. I am well aware of that fact. This is what makes me so suicidal. I have no alternative though. I told her that. I told her I am extremely struggling with my part-time studying and I am clinging on that because that's my last and only hope. I told her I am really desperate. She just laughed and told me well you just elaborated on the way to go for you. I considered her laughter as quite offensive. I know it is totally pathetic but I literally have no other chance. However, more and more do I think suicide is better than going back to college. And I might tell her that tomorrow. But the clinic report might calm her down. And this is the last story.
College deteriorated my health physically and mentally in a dramatic way. I was acute suicidal and went to the clinic (the same as the one of story one but with different therapists). The staff was well aware how horrible my life quality and how hopeless my case is. They took me serious. At the last day I told my therapist that the clinic stay helped. I wanted to maintain the chance of coming back in case I needed it. Tbh it did not help that much but it costed a lot of money. (my insurance). I was scared to say that barely anything changed. I have extreme anxiety about poverty. I will not survive on welfare and I openly communicated that.
In my clinic report it says something like. "We have worked on the fixation of the patient about his allegedly hopeless future and achieved that he adapted a more rational and realistic perspective of his future." LMAO. I cannot take this serious. It was the same statement than the thing the therapist of story one wrote. Is this something they write in almost all reports of this clinic? Honestly, it gives me the vibes they label all suicidal patients (there were many in this clnic) as irrational. This is why I cannot really take it serious. I think they are aware there are hopeless cases. I have tried over 25 medication, I am suicidal since more than a decade, this was my sixth clinic stay, I had 3 psychotherapies. I cannot work and poverty will kill me. I am very well aware about the prospects of my future. Writing something like that in the clnic report is sort of offensive. But it does not change much anyway. I am going to kill myself anyway. I am a little bit scared this optimistic report could decrease my chance to get Germany's NEET money called "Pflegegeld". Someone in this forum told me about that but sadly she is not active on here anymore. I would need her help.
