Off my chest - I really like my uncle-in-law

[aneurysm]

I just had dinner with my aunt and my uncle, they are both 65+ year old.

I will say it here because I don't know where else to say it, by I really like my uncle. I am so glad he is alive and he is one of the main reason why I haven't CTB yet. We don't talk much but I feel like we have a special connection. His presence makes me feel so safe and comfy.

I always run to him when he comes back from work, and we watch tv series together. I was starting to feel like maybe I was bothering him, maybe he just needs space after work, so yesterday, instead of going to him, I stayed in my room and watched youtube video. And I was planing to do the same today, but then my cousin-in-law came in my room and said that my uncle was looking for me. I responded and turns out he was missing my presence too. It made my night.

Ever since I was little, it felt like he was my guardian angel. It's like he is always looking after me without even us talking much to each others (until recently). He has a very important position and tend to be too busy but he always have all the time in the world for me.

I wish it was socially acceptable for us to cuddle, I am not romantically attracted to him (maybe just a little crush from time to time), I just really adore him. I had a shitty dad (alcoholic for most of his life), so I don't know if it's because I have serious daddy issues.

I also really like my aunt, I used to be an international student in some other country, so I forgot the warmth of being in the presence of old people. I think society should work more towards restoring a strong connection between young and old people, I think it's essential to the mental health of both.

thanks for listening to my random ramblings, sending hugs and love to anyone who made it here <3

 

[aneurysm]

For the first time, my uncle disappointed me yesterday night.

we were having dinner and I was standing outside of the dining room and I hear him complaining to my aunt that the dinner is cold.

I heard him say "Dinner was too cold. I know a lot of fathers who would refuse to eat when the dinner is not at an acceptable temperature. You see? I'm not like them"

We live in a traditional society/country where men have more rights than women and my aunt has always been a stay at home. I didn't like the way he talked to her in that moment.
When he saw me, he immediately changed his tone and looked a bit embarrassed.

I'm so mad that I think I'm going to avoid him for like a week. I don't want to have anything to do with him. I hate him.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

For the first time, my uncle disappointed me yesterday night.

we were having dinner and I was standing outside of the dining room and I hear him complaining to my aunt that the dinner is cold.

I heard him say "Dinner was too cold. I know a lot of fathers who would refuse to eat when the dinner is not at an acceptable temperature. You see? I'm not like them"

We live in a traditional society/country where men have more rights than women and my aunt has always been a stay at home. I didn't like the way he talked to her in that moment.
When he saw me, he immediately changed his tone and looked a bit embarrassed.

I'm so mad that I think I'm going to avoid him for like a week. I don't want to have anything to do with him. I hate him.

These boomers can be vicious. Good that you have the integrity to stick to your values.

 

[Makko]

I sort of get him, having other people cook for you is annoying when you're a food snob. The temperature isn't right, the seasoning is too mild, the meat is overcooked, there's wrong vinegar on the salad, someone got the idea to pour soy sauce over white rice... At a restaurant you can demand a re-serving, but that doesn't work at home, then you had better smile and choke it down. Or insult someone's hard work and get into a fight.

 

[GoingMyOwnWay]

I think you're overreacting by not talking to him for a week. Are you a minor? Because it sounds like it.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Are you a minor? Because it sounds like it.

I didn't want to rack up another 10% so I didn't say this despite thinking it. Brave of you.

 

[aneurysm]

I think you're overreacting by not talking to him for a week. Are you a minor? Because it sounds like it.

I'm 23 lol.

Could you develop your perspective? You could be right that I'm overreacting but your answer is too short for me to understand what you mean

I didn't want to rack up another 10% so I didn't say this despite thinking it. Brave of you.

hahaha

 

[GoingMyOwnWay]

I didn't want to rack up another 10% so I didn't say this despite thinking it. Brave of you.

What do you mean 10%, do you mean like get banned from the forum or something?

I'm 23 lol.

Could you develop your perspective? You could be right that I'm overreacting but your answer is too short for me to understand what you mean

Ok, well your initial post was saying you felt very close to your uncle, and even wanted to cuddle with him.. which is kind of strange, you should know that. Anyway, you went from saying how much he meant to you, to then go and and say you didn't want to talk to him for a week because he was rude to your aunt about her dinner. To me, this shows you might not be very mature with how you handle your emotions? It's ok to think he was rude, but instead of not talking to him for a week, just accept that sometimes people we look up to (like uncles) aren't always perfect!

 

[aneurysm]

What do you mean 10%, do you mean like get banned from the forum or something?

It's okay, since it's my thread.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

What do you mean 10%, do you mean like get banned from the forum or something?

Stick around for a month or two, you'll know what I mean. Honest, direct and personal tends to get the numbers rolling I'm guessing. Also new here, so idk.

 

[aneurysm]

It's ok to think he was rude, but instead of not talking to him for a week, just accept that sometimes people we look up to (like uncles) aren't always perfect!

Thank you for your advice, very much appreciated! You're right, I should just try to accept that he is not the person I thought he was. It's just that I used to idealize him so much, and seing this part of him was kind of a shock. I think I resent him for not meeting my standard. I still feel like not talking to him thought, I wonder how he will react

 

[GoingMyOwnWay]

Stick around for a month or two, you'll know what I mean. Honest, direct and personal tends to get the numbers rolling I'm guessing. Also new here, so idk.

I've been here longer then you by 4 days?!? Lol.

Thank you for your advice, very much appreciated! You're right, I should just try to accept that he is not the person I thought he was. It's just that I used to idealize him so much, and seing this part of him was kind of a shock. I think I resent him for not meeting my standard. I still feel like not talking to him thought, I wonder how he will react

You should forgive him and move on. If you need to address the issue with him, by all means bring it up and have a reasonable, mature discussion with him. By not talking to him, you will cause him to feel upset and potentially confused as to why you're shutting him out. This is emotional manipulation and it's not nice behavior. I get that you felt disappointed in him, but hurting him by ignoring him for a week is not the right response in my opinion.

 

[aneurysm]

The last few days have been strange at home, to say the least.

After what happened, I avoided my uncle for a few days. I could feel that he really really wanted to see me sometimes, and that he was missing me. It was really hard to resist going to him. I had to put a timer on my phone whenever I felt the urge and then take deep breaths and wait for the pull to go away. It was somewhat tormenting. But to be honest, I wasn't avoiding him only because of what he did, but partly (mainly?) because I knew it'd drive him crazy (like he'd miss me very badly).

After a few days (3, to be precise) of doing my best to avoid him, I realized that I was doing a big mistake. At some point, I couldn't do it anymore and decided to go back to talking to seing him. I went in the living room and waited for him to get back from work.

He came, saw me, said hi and went to his room. I waited and waited and he didn't come. I felt terribly embarrassed and realized he was avoiding me, as a way to punish me back. I realized how deeply painful and humiliating it was to be treated that way and how my behavior affected him. I realized that if I could use these little manipulating techniques, nothing stopped others to use it against me.

I then went back to my room and the following days, little by little, we started engaging normally again and there was no more hurt in either side. However, I realized that this incident made it clear that there was a strong connection between us... and then it happened.

In the country I live in, women are supposed to cover up and wear a hijab. However, not necessarily at home. But I'm used to cover up fully, even at home and so, my uncle never really saw me my lightly covered.

the other day, I basically went out of my room in a yoga pant and a crop top. I sat in the living room and my uncle came and I immediately felt my vagina pulsating and heating up.

then it got stronger and stronger, it was out of control. The sexual tension was insane. This is when I realized that me covering up from head to toe stopped us from realizing that we were sexually attracted to each others. wearing things that hid my body shapes and head stopped me from becoming aware of this. This is how I realized the power of clothings, which is funny considering that I always considered this idea to be stupid.

I then went to my room and immediately covered up more appropriately...


PS: I know this all sound really fucked up, but it's just my rawfeelings/experience. I don't know what's going on in my life at the moment. My life is taking a really weird turn and I thought this only happened to others or in movies.

 

[GoingMyOwnWay]

The last few days have been strange at home, to say the least.

After what happened, I avoided my uncle for a few days. I could feel that he really really wanted to see me sometimes, and that he was missing me. It was really hard to resist going to him. I had to put a timer on my phone whenever I felt the urge and then take deep breaths and wait for the pull to go away. It was somewhat tormenting. But to be honest, I wasn't avoiding him only because of what he did, but partly (mainly?) because I knew it'd drive him crazy (like he'd miss me very badly).

After a few days (3, to be precise) of doing my best to avoid him, I realized that I was doing a big mistake. At some point, I couldn't do it anymore and decided to go back to talking to seing him. I went in the living room and waited for him to get back from work.

He came, saw me, said hi and went to his room. I waited and waited and he didn't come. I felt terribly embarrassed and realized he was avoiding me, as a way to punish me back. I realized how deeply painful and humiliating it was to be treated that way and how my behavior affected him. I realized that if I could use these little manipulating techniques, nothing stopped others to use it against me.

I then went back to my room and the following days, little by little, we started engaging normally again and there was no more hurt in either side. However, I realized that this incident made it clear that there was a strong connection between us... and then it happened.

In the country I live in, women are supposed to cover up and wear a hijab. However, not necessarily at home. But I'm used to cover up fully, even at home and so, my uncle never really saw me my lightly covered.

the other day, I basically went out of my room in a yoga pant and a crop top. I sat in the living room and my uncle came and I immediately felt my vagina pulsating and heating up.

then it got stronger and stronger, it was out of control. The sexual tension was insane. This is when I realized that me covering up from head to toe stopped us from realizing that we were sexually attracted to each others. wearing things that hid my body shapes and head stopped me from becoming aware of this. This is how I realized the power of clothings, which is funny considering that I always considered this idea to be stupid.

I then went to my room and immediately covered up more appropriately...


PS: I know this all sound really fucked up, but it's just my rawfeelings/experience. I don't know what's going on in my life at the moment. My life is taking a really weird turn and I thought this only happened to others or in movies.

If this is your uncle by blood, you shouldn't be having these types of feelings and thoughts as it will only lead to problems in both you and your uncles life. Even if your uncle isn't your blood relative, the difference in your ages and maturity levels is vast. Your uncle is over 60 and you sound like you're pretty young.

Your uncle is also married to your aunt who I'm also assuming is your blood relative. Can you imagine how hurt she'd be if she found out you'd seduced your uncle into making a sexual pass against you?

Does your uncle give you any indication that he's interested in you sexually? Can you not look to start a romantic or casual relationship with some guys around your own age that you know?

 

[aneurysm]

If this is your uncle by blood, you shouldn't be having these types of feelings and thoughts as it will only lead to problems in both you and your uncles life. Even if your uncle isn't your blood relative, the difference in your ages and maturity levels is vast. Your uncle is over 60 and you sound like you're pretty young.

Your uncle is also married to your aunt who I'm also assuming is your blood relative. Can you imagine how hurt she'd be if she found out you'd seduced your uncle into making a sexual pass against you?

Does your uncle give you any indication that he's interested in you sexually? Can you not look to start a romantic or casual relationship with some guys around your own age that you know?

I honestly had to take a small break from this thread. everything I said was so personal (and silly) that I feel embarrassed and dumb everytime I come here.

he isn't blood-related and I totally agree that nothing should happen between him and I. He is a highly respectable man and he would never betray his wife. and certainly not with me.

a lot a women seem to have a crush on him (judging by the way they act in his presence), I think it has to do with the fact that he is a rather powerful person (women tend to like powerful men), very charismatic, funny, and deeply (genuinely) kind and patient (at least, when he is not acting grumpy)

no, he doesn't actively try to indicate that he is interested in me sexually, although it's very obvious that I get a special treatment (everyone is aware of it), and sometimes his behaviour with me comes off as flirty buy I'm 100% sure he doesn't mean to, he just cannot help himself.

I think he is attracted to me because I'm actually very attractive, and I'm also very mature for my age (my enters of interest etc) (even tho I come off as a teen on here, it's on purpose. I just write to express my emotions, not to sound reasonable).

I have been trying my best to avoid him in order to avoid anything happening between us ever since, but it's the opposite that happen: I end up driving us both crazy and we become even more desperate to see each others. This is honestly exhausting, I don't know what to do and I don't know why this is happening to me. I'm 23. I wish I could be attracted to guys my age and just get married but I always have to complicate everything (also, guys my age aren't interested in me because I'm too intellectual and it seems to intimidate them).

 

[Mentalmick]

Is this for real?

 

[makingsure4]

They say you can never truly see someone if you have them up on a pedestal.

 

[WornOutLife]

Well, I'm glad you got it off your chest. SS is great for venting lol.

Anyway, wish you the best.

 

[aneurysm]

Well, I'm glad you got it off your chest. SS is great for venting lol.

I feel so embarrassed that I could actually CTB.

I think I accidentally discovered a great CTB method to get rid of SI.

Step 1: Make a thread about your deepest most secret thoughts and watch yourself die inside and want to jump from a window to escape the embarrassment lol

 

[GoingMyOwnWay]

Daisy, if you're attractive and smart as a woman, you can have so many choices for male partners!! I'm going to assume you're in quite a male dominated society being Muslim, so if you're attractive and smart your uncle (who is a powerful man in a male dominated society) should be helping you meet potential suitors? Surely he's connected to good families with high social standing that have sons who might be a good match for you? I'm not saying find a man for the sake of it. Just trying to be realistic about the situation for your sake. I'm not suggesting like an arranged marriage type of deal, but in all societies, the people with higher social standing usually have good networks.

 

[Rif]

It took courage to write what you did. Unfortunately, if you ever did make an attempt (or he did to you), odds are in wouldn't work out at all - and then you would have something ELSE to add to your "why you want to CTB" list.

Remember, a few minutes/hours/days of fun in exchange for a lifetime of regret. =[

 

[Spitfire]

I feel so embarrassed that I could actually CTB.

I think I accidentally discovered a great CTB method to get rid of SI.

Step 1: Make a thread about your deepest most secret thoughts and watch yourself die inside and want to jump from a window to escape the embarrassment lol

Only if this was meant to be funny. Because being embarrassed, especially in an anonymous form online, it is no big deal.

About your situation. Maybe everything is okay right now, but it sounds like the two of you are walking on dangerous grounds right now?

It still sounds innocent at the moment. Be careful because I can only imagine the potential trouble...

 

[aneurysm]

just a little update to let you know that this story ended well. I was smart enough to move on quickly.

My relationship with my uncle is now healthy, and the spark between us is gone (although I need to stay vigilant because it tends to come back when I lower my guards).

I'm proud of myself, for having been able to stop things before anything worse happens. It requires discipline, foreseing and maturity (good job, Self !).

thank you everyone who advised me well. This experience strengthened me because I now realize that I do have a say in what I feel.

 

[Nexey]

The minute I was done reading the first post, I knew things were going to turn sexual. I would've still appreciated a warning, though. This reads off like amateur erotica at certain points.

All I can say is that you're walking on thin, thin ice. Older men, especially married ones, are manipulative as Hell when they want inside your pants. They will say sweet things that they don't actually mean at all. You should be wary of them, related or not.