Venting OCD is hell and I'm tired of pretending its not

[scary]

I remember the days when everyone would say how "OCD" they were, the Buzzfeed quizzes, and even that one song by Rhett and Link, and as much as I do like to make light of my own problems OCD as a whole is a goddamn nightmare and for some reason it's downplayed and misunderstood to no end.

I didn't choose to do my compulsions. I didn't ask my brain to force me every 5 minutes to stop doing whatever thing I was doing to do my rituals instead. And I sure as hell didn't enjoy being made fun for having it as a kid. "OCD doesn't cause intrusive thoughts" my family members would say as they talk about how wanting a towel slightly straight one time made them "sooo OCD" meanwhile I'm sitting fighting the urge to bash my head in because my intrusive thoughts get that scary and vile. It's so goddamn debilitating and it's just seen as the quirky 'wanting things straight' disorder. Although I think the trend of pretending to have it has since passed (tiktokers would rather pretend to have autism and DID) its still not taken seriously. A lot of my mental issues I feel alone with irl in but OCD especially is just a joke thing at the end of the day to most people.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

It's horrible. I've had it since I was a kid. I don't think I realised just how much it affected my thought processes until recently. I ruminate on stuff constantly, I can't get over things that happened in the past. I think about the same things over and over. My brain is constantly telling me life is suffering, everyone and everything suffers.

I'm actually thinking of going on Sertraline (Zoloft) as a last ditch attempt. I feel like it's getting worse and my thoughts are constant when I'm trying to sleep. I'm also checking things constantly as if I don't believe my eyes that something is locked or I put a wash on. It's stupid stuff that doesn't really matter. I wash my hands about 20 times a day. I know it's a spectrum so I don't even know if my OCD is that bad or not. It's a damned awful disorder that makes you question everything. I'm sorry you're going through the same.

 

[scary]

It's horrible. I've had it since I was a kid. I don't think I realised just how much it affected my thought processes until recently. I ruminate on stuff constantly, I can't get over things that happened in the past. I think about the same things over and over. My brain is constantly telling me life is suffering, everyone and everything suffers.

I'm actually thinking of going on Sertraline (Zoloft) as a last ditch attempt. I feel like it's getting worse and my thoughts are constant when I'm trying to sleep. I'm also checking things constantly as if I don't believe my eyes that something is locked or I put a wash on. It's stupid stuff that doesn't really matter. I wash my hands about 20 times a day. I know it's a spectrum so I don't even know if my OCD is that bad or not. It's a damned awful disorder that makes you question everything. I'm sorry you're going through the same.

God the rummaging thing, my brain loves to torture me with past things that's happened to me as well. I think the Zoloft thing is a good idea and i'm rooting for it to work for you, and please don't think about whether or not your disorder is "bad" enough, I believe you that you're suffering