Obsessed with suicides!?

[Lost_the_will2_live]

Don't know if this has been covered previously on this forum as I gather I am not the only one (who feels this way) so apologies if it has.

I seem to be "obsessed" with suicides , as well as my own wish to CTB at some point this year if I hear about any local people killings themselves or stories of suicides I want to know every detail. How they did it, were they found quickly? were they alone? where did they do it? why did they do it!?

I also find myself going onto google to mainstream newspaper websites, typing in suicide in the search box and reading about all the inquests into deaths of people who have taken their own lives or stories about suicides.

I found out a while ago someone in the street I stay in committed suicide just a year before I moved to the area. Last night I saw a guy walking to the store that sometimes says hello and I knew he lived up the top end of the street where this guy killed himSelf so I asked him if he lived in the street when that happened and he proceeded to tell me every detail about what happened and I now feel at ease knowing.

Weird I know and I don't feel happiness hearing or reading about suicides sometimes I'm jealous that they had the balls to do it but I just can't explain why I'm so obsessed with hearing about it!

 

[Partial-Elf]

Don't know if this has been covered previously on this forum as I gather I am not the only one (who feels this way) so apologies if it has.

I seem to be "obsessed" with suicides , as well as my own wish to CTB at some point this year if I hear about any local people killings themselves or stories of suicides I want to know every detail. How they did it, were they found quickly? were they alone? where did they do it? why did they do it!?

I also find myself going onto google to mainstream newspaper websites, typing in suicide in the search box and reading about all the inquests into deaths of people who have taken their own lives or stories about suicides.

I found out a while ago someone in the street I stay in committed suicide just a year before I moved to the area. Last night I saw a guy walking to the store that sometimes says hello and I knew he lived up the top end of the street where this guy killed himSelf so I asked him if he lived in the street when that happened and he proceeded to tell me every detail about what happened and I now feel at ease knowing.

Weird I know and I don't feel happiness hearing or reading about suicides sometimes I'm jealous that they had the balls to do it but I just can't explain why I'm so obsessed with hearing about it!

I too am very curious about suicides, though it manifests itself differently. I got pretty into the suicides of people I revered: Kurt Cobain, Elliott Smith, Robin Williams, Anthony Bourdain. Also wanted to learn as much as I could about people I've known IRL who have opted out: a math teacher in the high school I graduated from, two young men in my community between the ages of 20-24, and then someone who lived in the college dorm I did. I read literally everything I could find on the internet and asked questions of people when it was appropriate and I wouldn't be pushing the line. Managed to piece together most but not all of the details. Will have to do what you've done though and read into suicides in my town, I'm curious.

 

[PrettyMoose]

I also sometimes Google suicides, especially suicides by hanging, and also suicides by sodium nitrite because I'm curious about that method as well and want to see if any news sources report on it.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

Don't know if this has been covered previously on this forum as I gather I am not the only one (who feels this way) so apologies if it has.

I seem to be "obsessed" with suicides , as well as my own wish to CTB at some point this year if I hear about any local people killings themselves or stories of suicides I want to know every detail. How they did it, were they found quickly? were they alone? where did they do it? why did they do it!?

I also find myself going onto google to mainstream newspaper websites, typing in suicide in the search box and reading about all the inquests into deaths of people who have taken their own lives or stories about suicides.

I found out a while ago someone in the street I stay in committed suicide just a year before I moved to the area. Last night I saw a guy walking to the store that sometimes says hello and I knew he lived up the top end of the street where this guy killed himSelf so I asked him if he lived in the street when that happened and he proceeded to tell me every detail about what happened and I now feel at ease knowing.

Weird I know and I don't feel happiness hearing or reading about suicides sometimes I'm jealous that they had the balls to do it but I just can't explain why I'm so obsessed with hearing about it!

I made a thread called "idolizing suicide" and I speak about how I am obsessed with it as well, I have gotten a lot of feedback from there so if you want to know about other people opinions you can look at it

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/idolizing-suicide.35967/

 

[Klee]

I Google it a lot. It actually bugs me how much time I waste reading about it, but I'm so interested.

 

[Timetodie90]

I'm exactly the same. I spend a lot of time looking at how people have committed suicide especially celebrities. It gives me ideas on how I will ctb. It also gives me a strange comfort aswell.

"The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night."

Friedrich Nietzsche

 

[dysfunctional]

When I was taking antidepressants, ssris, I was completely obsessed with looking at this kind of stuff.

 

[BridgeJumper]

Im obssessively looking for articles on other bridge jumpers, browsing best gore, alt suicide holiday, planning my own death, looking at autopsy photos, talking only with other suicidal people, you name it. Youre definitely not alone

 

[Walilamdzi]

I read a lot about it because I'm trying to find the best solution for me and can't focus on anything else at the moment really.

 

[Anhedonic]

Don't know if this has been covered previously on this forum as I gather I am not the only one (who feels this way) so apologies if it has.

I seem to be "obsessed" with suicides , as well as my own wish to CTB at some point this year if I hear about any local people killings themselves or stories of suicides I want to know every detail. How they did it, were they found quickly? were they alone? where did they do it? why did they do it!?

I also find myself going onto google to mainstream newspaper websites, typing in suicide in the search box and reading about all the inquests into deaths of people who have taken their own lives or stories about suicides.

I found out a while ago someone in the street I stay in committed suicide just a year before I moved to the area. Last night I saw a guy walking to the store that sometimes says hello and I knew he lived up the top end of the street where this guy killed himSelf so I asked him if he lived in the street when that happened and he proceeded to tell me every detail about what happened and I now feel at ease knowing.

Weird I know and I don't feel happiness hearing or reading about suicides sometimes I'm jealous that they had the balls to do it but I just can't explain why I'm so obsessed with hearing about it!

Yeah, I've been there...

I've now recognised it as a kind of suicide addiction - I look up this stuff when I'm feeling stressed out and it gives me a "hit" of relief. Over time you develop a tolerance and you need more and more detail to get the same relief. I don't think it's a very "healthy" pattern to indulge in. I mean, obviously thinking about suicide doesn't involve being concerned with your health, but what I mean is that if you're using this behaviour to provide relief, you might end up making a decision that feels like it's your own but it's really your addiction controlling you. Deciding to kill yourself should be something you do in the clearest possible mindset, not distorted by compulsions.

Have a read of this little book produced by Suicide Anonymous and see if it resonates. Discovering it recently has really shifted my attitude towards my own addictive patterns.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Yes suicides are very interesting to me when I hear about it in the news I want to know every detail about their physical and mental state and method although they often don´t tell the method.

I also watch A LOT of suicide pictures and videos on several forum recently I am at page 18 on this forum but have seen hundreds if not over a thousand suicide pictures over the years, and I respect them so much for have the courage to end their own life; pro-lifers think it´s the easy way out but for the majority of suicidal people it´s far from easy so respect to all of those who found peace even if they have to suffer doing the suicide because that pain and suffering will only last minutes instead of a lifetime so that is a fair trade I suppose.

 

[Partial-Elf]

Yeah, I've been there...

I've now recognised it as a kind of suicide addiction - I look up this stuff when I'm feeling stressed out and it gives me a "hit" of relief. Over time you develop a tolerance and you need more and more detail to get the same relief. I don't think it's a very "healthy" pattern to indulge in. I mean, obviously thinking about suicide doesn't involve being concerned with your health, but what I mean is that if you're using this behaviour to provide relief, you might end up making a decision that feels like it's your own but it's really your addiction controlling you. Deciding to kill yourself should be something you do in the clearest possible mindset, not distorted by compulsions.

Have a read of this little book produced by Suicide Anonymous and see if it resonates. Discovering it recently has really shifted my attitude towards my own addictive patterns.

I just read the first 20 or so pages and found a lot of it rang true for me. Suicidal ideation is definitely a means of coping with stress and an escape when I feel trapped. The parts about control and secrecy describe me to a tee. Definitely very addictive in ways that those who haven't experienced it would struggle to understand. I can't do the god thing and am not necessarily trying to "recover," but this is one of the most interesting things I've found on this forum. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Anhedonic]

I just read the first 20 or so pages and found a lot of it rang true for me. Suicidal ideation is definitely a means of coping with stress and an escape when I feel trapped. The parts about control and secrecy describe me to a tee. Definitely very addictive in ways that those who haven't experienced it would struggle to understand. I can't do the god thing and am not necessarily trying to "recover," but this is one of the most interesting things I've found on this forum. Thanks for sharing.

Glad to hear it resonated. You don't actually need to believe in god to engage with a higher power. You can think of it as the universe itself or the power of a community - it just has to be something you can focus on that's beyond yourself, because part of recognising you're an addict is realising that nothing within yourself can pull you out, because what's inside you is the thing that's trying to destroy you. You can rationalise it as a kind of mental trick if you like, but regardless, it's been proven to work. I'm not trying to convince you not to kill yourself, just to make sure it's not an addiction that takes you to that decision. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more about it.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I was but it seems all the good video sites are gone. Rotten, Deathaddict, and Ogrish are no more. Even Liveleaks is like a crappy YT knockoff now...

 

[Kumachan]

the books says "those desperate for recovery" ... I knew something like that was happening, i know im addicted to suicidal thoughts, its the only thing that gives relief... But i dont wanna "recover": i want my situation to change or go back in time and fix it... Nothing changes - i want out, i dont even get this... Whats is this "recovery" for?

 

[AcornUnderground]

Reminds me of when I got this terrible, very painful incurable illness that I have. They admitted me to the hospital, medical wing not psyc, but spent five days having psyc visit me to do Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with me. Writing down statements that were true -ie "I can no longer work", "I can no longer take care of my children"...and turning them into positive statements. Wtf??????? How is this ever positive? That was their version of recovery for me. Fuck you. I want my life back.

 

[Jumper Geo]

I would say I became pretty obsessed with suicides after I became ill, I read all the suicide cases reported by the media, I searched the web to find out how they died, I did come across a website which listed 100's of suicides and it gave you the methods including the drugs and poison names but I can't find it now probably taken down.

Some YouTube video's mention this as well but not many, there is one thing I have learned from reading all these articles and websites is that mental health doesn't discriminate no matter, Male/Female, Young/Old, Rich/Poor, Beautiful/Ugly, I have seen some really young beautiful people you would have thought they had the perfect life.

YouTube

Дивіться відео, слухайте улюблену музику, завантажуйте оригінальний вміст і діліться всім цим із друзями, рідними й цілим світом на YouTube.

www.youtube.com

Cheers

Geo

 

[Erase.myself]

Yeah, I've been there...

I've now recognised it as a kind of suicide addiction - I look up this stuff when I'm feeling stressed out and it gives me a "hit" of relief. Over time you develop a tolerance and you need more and more detail to get the same relief. I don't think it's a very "healthy" pattern to indulge in. I mean, obviously thinking about suicide doesn't involve being concerned with your health, but what I mean is that if you're using this behaviour to provide relief, you might end up making a decision that feels like it's your own but it's really your addiction controlling you. Deciding to kill yourself should be something you do in the clearest possible mindset, not distorted by compulsions.

Have a read of this little book produced by Suicide Anonymous and see if it resonates. Discovering it recently has really shifted my attitude towards my own addictive patterns.

I can relate to you feeling like it can become an addiction. As a recovering heroin addict myself, and someone with and eating disorder I can become easily addicted to anything. When I was deep in my eating disorder a few months ago, I pretty much stopped talking to everyone around me and only talked to people on an Eating Disorder Forum...as of the last few weeks I've been on this forum often, and do find myself consistently looking into suicides online as well. I have dreams of me cbt ...where I actually die through SN which is my method.

 

[Lost_the_will2_live]

Wow I definitely do not feeling alone now! Thanks guys! I do find when I am unwell is the time I look into information on suicides and my internet history would be absolutely horrific looking to anyone looking in

I started to wonder if I actually was obsessed with death or was it I did want to ctb, great to hear everyone's else's take on it and how similar you all are to me!

 

[Erase.myself]

Yes suicides are very interesting to me when I hear about it in the news I want to know every detail about their physical and mental state and method although they often don´t tell the method.

I also watch A LOT of suicide pictures and videos on several forum recently I am at page 18 on this forum but have seen hundreds if not over a thousand suicide pictures over the years, and I respect them so much for have the courage to end their own life; pro-lifers think it´s the easy way out but for the majority of suicidal people it´s far from easy so respect to all of those who found peace even if they have to suffer doing the suicide because that pain and suffering will only last minutes instead of a lifetime so that is a fair trade I suppose.

I just a few suicide videos from the link that you posted. I've never actually saw suicide videos before....and I didn't find them disturbing. What I DID find disturbing was the super fucked up comments by people calling the person cunts and whores and saying their going to hell. Literally made me feel so uncomfortable. Next time I'll know not to look at the comments. Ppl are incredibly fucked.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I just a few suicide videos from the link that you posted. I've never actually saw suicide videos before....and I didn't find them disturbing. What I DID find disturbing was the super fucked up comments by people calling the person cunts and whores and saying their going to hell. Literally made me feel so uncomfortable. Next time I'll know not to look at the comments. Ppl are incredibly fucked.

I feel the same way but some sites are worse than others that site I linked is probably the worst I have seen but basically all sites with death pictures or videos you will see such comments they seem like complete assholes.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

My fascination began with the apparent suicide of Arturo Gatti with his wife's bag strap. I just couldn't understand how a man so big could do it with a bag strap, and suspected foul play.

In recent times I read about the cases of Anthony Bourdain, Kate Spade, Chester Bennington etc. and I cannot understand how they suppressed SI. Wish I could but no...

I've also tried to look up what combo of meds people died of, like Heath Ledge or Lil Peep. Even Avicii's death gave me ideas but I cannot suppress SI.

 

[Lost_the_will2_live]

Avi

My fascination began with the apparent suicide of Arturo Gatti with his wife's bag strap. I just couldn't understand how a man so big could do it with a bag strap, and suspected foul play.

In recent times I read about the cases of Anthony Bourdain, Kate Spade, Chester Bennington etc. and I cannot understand how they suppressed SI. Wish I could but no...

I've also tried to look up what combo of meds people died of, like Heath Ledge or Lil Peep. Even Avicii's death gave me ideas but I cannot suppress SI.

Aviciis death was hardcore, he must have been very sad! Poor guy!

 

[Mr2005]

When the interest in death isn't your own that's when the forum becomes a very different place. One I'm uncomfortable being in

 

[moodygrl]

I also do it, search for suicide on all the levels, also of stories of people who lost their dear ones. My youtube, quora and google algorythms are so fucked up id not dare let anybody use my accounts as strange things pop up. Ill not let my passcodes for people to see this after my ctb :S

 

[GoneGoneGone]

I think it's sheer curiosity - how do other people do it, and 'how much SI' did they have to overcome? As users have pointed out, SI would for example be stronger when hanging than when taking SN. In recent times however, they don't mention the method anymore, just 'death by suicide.'

 

[Pupu]

I prefer to think I'm not addicted but I see death (and suicide) natural thing to happen. I spend time here, because of current corona thing I spend more time here just trying to waste my time as easily as possible.

Once I went to a subway. There were like 3 persons with me. The train arrived, I get in, sat down. The doors close and it arrives to next station, it takes maybe 5 mins, the doors open and they stay open. Then the conductor tells us that in the previous station (the one I was in) happened an accident and trains are now stopped. If we are in hurry, we should take a bus-.... And I wondered was that person someone I saw there, or someone who came right after. Because of that I came late to that place I was heading to and I told to them the reason for it. They were sorry, telling that they're glad I didn't see it. Other people said exactly the same if I told about that to them. Honestly, I wanted to see it. I would have wanted to have a chat with that person, know more. I would have wanted to stay and be there for him/her and also just see it. Not because I'm after gore, but I'm going to CTB one day too and I thought seeing it on action would have given to me a lot perspective.