W3akCr3atur3
Empty and hollow
- Aug 3, 2020
- 357
My life has become so much better. Education is fixed, there are people around me who love me, relationships with the family became much better. But this all doesn't help me anymore. If not suicidal, I feel numb and extremely sad because of this. And this constantly gets me back to a somewhat suicidal state.
I don't ever get to feel anything good, exciting. Еhough I still can feel anxiety, despair, sadness.
Even the "great" days I don't feel almost anything. Now I have to constantly wear a "mental mask" to hide this and talk to people like a normal person.
I feel so hopeless. 2017 was so emotional for me, I felt alive again, I was truly happy.
I feel like at the end of 2019 I just burnt out, too much shit was happening and I couldn't cope with this.
I'm probably gonna start SH again, because it used to help me before. As life became better I abandoned this habit, but now it's probably time to start it again.
I don't know how much longer can I hold like this.
I don't ever get to feel anything good, exciting. Еhough I still can feel anxiety, despair, sadness.
Even the "great" days I don't feel almost anything. Now I have to constantly wear a "mental mask" to hide this and talk to people like a normal person.
I feel so hopeless. 2017 was so emotional for me, I felt alive again, I was truly happy.
I feel like at the end of 2019 I just burnt out, too much shit was happening and I couldn't cope with this.
I'm probably gonna start SH again, because it used to help me before. As life became better I abandoned this habit, but now it's probably time to start it again.
I don't know how much longer can I hold like this.