![cadaver rabbit](/data/avatars/l/81/81864.jpg?1698696395)
cadaver rabbit
Member
- Oct 30, 2023
- 7
Something happened recently and I've been really dead set on ctb. (This isn't like a frivolous decision though, I pretty much always have intended to, I just feel it's more urgent now.) My initial thought was jumping, but the highest I can get is around 50 ft. I was initially thinking, okay I may survive, but at least I'll have tried, at least I won't be some pussy who always thinks about suicide but hasn't even attempted.
I thought I could do this but now I'm realizing I was stupid in thinking so. I don't think I have much SI but I have really paralyzing anxiety regarding most things. I have to be pretty drunk to get the courage to even speak to people. There's no way I could get myself to jump, knowing there's at least a 50% chance I'll survive and just have fucked up my life even worse, unless I could just turn off my brain somehow. I can picture my anxiety response now, I was just so passionate that my mind was clouded.
But there's nothing else I can do. I'm currently broke, low pain tolerance, etc. IS there anything else I can do? Jump in front of a semi? No trains near me unfortunately. What do you guys think? I really want to just get it done. I'm so sick of living. I hate being a coward who's only alive because of fear and simultaneously can't live because of fear (among other personality defects lol).
I thought I could do this but now I'm realizing I was stupid in thinking so. I don't think I have much SI but I have really paralyzing anxiety regarding most things. I have to be pretty drunk to get the courage to even speak to people. There's no way I could get myself to jump, knowing there's at least a 50% chance I'll survive and just have fucked up my life even worse, unless I could just turn off my brain somehow. I can picture my anxiety response now, I was just so passionate that my mind was clouded.
But there's nothing else I can do. I'm currently broke, low pain tolerance, etc. IS there anything else I can do? Jump in front of a semi? No trains near me unfortunately. What do you guys think? I really want to just get it done. I'm so sick of living. I hate being a coward who's only alive because of fear and simultaneously can't live because of fear (among other personality defects lol).