Now everybody hates me. Living with BPD is impossible and I should die because of it

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Its true, I will explain why

1) I was cooking food and my dad gave me a kind, sweet suggestion to cook in a smaller portion. To most people with a normal brain this is nothin to be upset about. But little ol' BPD bitch me got all silent treatment on my dad and had an attitude. So I am officially a bitch

2) I was mad at my brother due to stress and then him always leaving me to ring the doorbell when his food arrives. Like, Maybe I am busy. Actually I was busy. I was making food. I cant always be available and he still does it. And when I told him ge got angry and called me a bitch. So you know what fuck this life

I know I know "but you're getting angry for no reason. Its not that important. Siblings and family fight"

No, you dont get it

But nobody does because BPD is not somethign anyone gets. I figure I should commit suicide tomorrow so I wont have t see my therapist. I am just done with this shit

 

[ZardozOmega]

What exactly characterizes BPD? I was never able to get a concrete answer, and it might be better to ask someone who has it. I understand if you don't want to talk about it, tho.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

What exactly characterizes BPD? I was never able to get a concrete answer, and it might be better to ask someone who has it. I understand if you don't want to talk about it, tho.

BPD, or borderline personality, makes someone become a monster by default. They become abusive, petty, and do horrible things that make them unfit for society.

 

[WillOxyWork]

BPD, or borderline personality, makes someone become a monster by default. They become abusive, petty, and do horrible things that make them unfit for society.

I'm going to have to disagree with you. My ex has BPD, but she really worked on it in therapy and is a truly wonderful person. She has small outbursts from time to time, but I still love her dearly and know that she has a great heart. She was actually the one who broke up with me, because I treated her poorly when I was overwhelmed by my depression and health issues.

Anyways, I'm just trying to say that you are not a monster or unfit for society. It takes a lot of work, but with therapy and other outlets (for her it was exercise), you can really improve your life. It's possible. I'm not trying to downplay your struggles, because I know BPD is awful

I've read a lot of your previous posts, and I know you have a good heart, just like her

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I'm going to have to disagree with you. My ex has BPD, but she really worked on it in therapy and is a truly wonderful person. She has small outbursts from time to time, but I still love her dearly and know that she has a great heart. She was actually the one who broke up with me, because I treated her poorly when I was overwhelmed by my depression and health issues.

I dont think I am capable of change. No matter what, I am still a hollow and abusive bitch

 

[WillOxyWork]

I dont think I am capable of change. No matter what, I am still a hollow and abusive bitch

Well, I believe you are capable of change. I can tell you're a good person, otherwise you wouldn't feel remorse for your actions.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Well, I believe you are capable of change. I can tell you're a good person, otherwise you wouldn't feel remorse for your actions.

I always feel bad and do bad things all the time. I mean some people are unfixable and I am sure I am one of them. I dont get why I dont put myself out of my misery

I'm going to have to disagree with you. My ex has BPD, but she really worked on it in therapy and is a truly wonderful person. She has small outbursts from time to time, but I still love her dearly and know that she has a great heart. She was actually the one who broke up with me, because I treated her poorly when I was overwhelmed by my depression and health issues.

Anyways, I'm just trying to say that you are not a monster or unfit for society. It takes a lot of work, but with therapy and other outlets (for her it was exercise), you can really improve your life. It's possible. I'm not trying to downplay your struggles, because I know BPD is awful

I've read a lot of your previous posts, and I know you have a good heart, just like her

Work....man if I knew I could wing this journey without work I wouldnt be here. Then again a lot of us woudlnt be here anyways

 

[Muirthemne]

BPD, or borderline personality, makes someone become a monster by default. They become abusive, petty, and do horrible things that make them unfit for society.

I understand you're hurting, and gods know I've had similar thoughts about myself, but this is an inaccurate stereotype, and someone reading this could get the wrong idea.

What BPD actually does is cause extreme emotional volatility and pain, and in some cases this can lead to lashing out in destructive ways, but not everyone with BPD does that, and people with BPD are vastly more likely to be victims of abuse than they are to be abusers themselves. Unfortunately there's a very intense stigma around BPD, and because BPD is also often accompanied by extreme self-loathing, people are likely to believe it. But the reality is people with BPD are perfectly capable of being good people if they're self aware and work on themselves. BPD also often involves an enhanced capacity for empathy and compassion, and I personally have known people with BPD who are among the kindest and most decent humans you could ever have the fortune to meet.

I'm sorry you feel this way. Believe me when I say I know what it's like to feel like a monster, and I'm not saying this to judge or criticize you. But I want to make sure anyone reading this thread hears the other side of the story. I've seen good people deeply hurt by the stigma around BPD, and I don't want to let it go unchallenged.

 

[puppy9]

BPD, or borderline personality, makes someone become a monster by default. They become abusive, petty, and do horrible things that make them unfit for society.

I recently found out that I have BPD too, on top of my Bipolar Disorder 2 (it when from type 1 to 2.) They still mantain my BP2 diagnosis.

Damn, the statement that you said is exactly how I feel. I just feel disgusting of myself. The only way out for me is CTB maybe. Your experience resonates me very well.

 

[FriendofDeath]

The fact that you know and understand how your actions affect both others and yourself says a lot! You are not a monster. You are a human being with BPD. And I'm not saying it's an excuse - it's an explanation.

 

[sarahlouise]

Just want to say hugs , I know how you feel , I have BPD and it's unbearably hard , therapy hasn't helped me , I've had DBT some of it helped but not much

 

[Nymph]

This sounds a lot like me. Getting very angry over small dumb stuff and then the person gets mad at me because I was angry about such a small thing. For example, I was helping my mom yesterday how to find the ° for Celsius on her phone keyboard and I showed her but she kept clicking on O (alphabet) instead of 0 (zero) and I got super angry and she later told me that it's surprising that just this small thing made me immediately switch into this monster. She told me that I look very soft and weak and never would have guessed I can be this mean. (It has happened multiple times before but she was telling it from a perspective as if a stranger met me) I haven't been diagnosed with this but I feel like it totally sounds like me

 

[Linda]

I always feel bad and do bad things all the time. I mean some people are unfixable and I am sure I am one of them. I dont get why I dont put myself out of my misery

Work....man if I knew I could wing this journey without work I wouldnt be here. Then again a lot of us woudlnt be here anyways

I am not a psychiatrist or therapist, and I don't know much about your condition, so if you want to tell me I'm talking nonsense I won't be offended. However, had you considered setting a long-term goal for yourself? Is there something that you really want to achieve, but which isn't easy to achieve and which will take several years of effort and a lot of planning? If there is, then trying to achieve it might force you to use the "dispassionate and logical" part of your brain more, which in turn might mean that you use the emotional part less. It might provide some stability that you can build the rest of your life around. Your therapist will probably have a better idea than I do of whether that might work.