Venting Nothing makes you feel more helpless than *knowing* you need to CTB and still being unable to.

[toolateforme]

I've been practicing the night night method but I can't seem to the find the god damn sweet spot. I keep trying over and over, feeling around my neck, pressing in different places, looking at different diagrams and videos, taking so many notes... but I just. Can't. Fucking. Do. It. I don't know why. I don't know if I'm just stupid, or if I'm not trying hard enough, or if my body is just weird... but I can't do it right.

I feel so stupid and helpless. I've been a failure all my life the least I could do is CTB but I can't even do that. Maybe it's just too much to ask to try and preserve my body for my family, but I can't bring myself to do something like jump off a bridge or try something not-so-fun like an overdose on SN. I only have two weeks to do this so I can't order N. I mean I can try to ask for expedited shipping but I still need to get the anti-emetic which is on the other side of the world and can't come here in time.

So I keep trying, and trying, and trying. I feel like I'm about to cry, because I feel so frustrated and helpless. But somehow I haven't, strangely enough. Maybe this is what acceptance feels like. I don't know. Either way, even though I've stopped crying, I feel so profoundly lost, empty, helpless, frustrated, stupid, and scared.

 

[Roadkill]

I understand completely... I want to die so bad, but I am too afraid of failure and ending up paralyzed, blind, or a vegetable

 

[Weems]

Yeah, I'm with you, man. As is everyone here, I bet. If only giving up on life actually turned your body off.

 

[toolateforme]

Yeah, I'm with you, man. As is everyone here, I bet. If only giving up on life actually turned your body off.

There's something that actually happens that is very similar to this, called "voodoo death":

Voodoo death - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Doesn't happen right away but apparently it's possible. Wish it happened with me already haha

 

[Weems]

Huh, well I just learned something new

 

[SomebodyBroken]

yea... each failure only makes us worse (

_>

finding a sweet spot is only half the success for me. left to overcome SI (fucking adrenaline, when his reserves run out already ... I just want to lose consciousness and not wake up, q_q)

 

[memento_mori]

same here, night night isn't working for me
I'm trying partial and am using either an IKEA clothes rack ( the rigga design) or a doorknob but I'm still struggling with that. Got a rope noose and scarf noose hung up on the clothes rack 24/7 at the moment. Neck is sore from all the compression/ hanging
also have sn and tagamet but unable to get hold of anti emetics but might still go for that if the hanging isn't working
hope things will work out for us

 

[SomebodyBroken]

same here, night night isn't working for me
I'm trying partial and am using either an IKEA clothes rack ( the rigga design) or a doorknob but I'm still struggling with that. Got a rope noose and scarf noose hung up on the clothes rack 24/7 at the moment. Neck is sore from all the compression/ hanging
also have sn and tagamet but unable to get hold of anti emetics but might still go for that if the hanging isn't working
hope things will work out for us

without antiemetic will be just bad, there is a chance for disability, because brain cells will die off, but not enough for ctb... that is why antiemetic required good. Getting sn is not a problem for me. but without the rest it is useless ..

 

[JadedGray]

In regards to the title of this thread, I feel the same way, although for me it's not having the supplies at hand and having to bide my time for now.

 

[Mogley26]

I've been practicing the night night method but I can't seem to the find the god damn sweet spot. I keep trying over and over, feeling around my neck, pressing in different places, looking at different diagrams and videos, taking so many notes... but I just. Can't. Fucking. Do. It. I don't know why. I don't know if I'm just stupid, or if I'm not trying hard enough, or if my body is just weird... but I can't do it right.

I feel so stupid and helpless. I've been a failure all my life the least I could do is CTB but I can't even do that. Maybe it's just too much to ask to try and preserve my body for my family, but I can't bring myself to do something like jump off a bridge or try something not-so-fun like an overdose on SN. I only have two weeks to do this so I can't order N. I mean I can try to ask for expedited shipping but I still need to get the anti-emetic which is on the other side of the world and can't come here in time.

So I keep trying, and trying, and trying. I feel like I'm about to cry, because I feel so frustrated and helpless. But somehow I haven't, strangely enough. Maybe this is what acceptance feels like. I don't know. Either way, even though I've stopped crying, I feel so profoundly lost, empty, helpless, frustrated, stupid, and scared.

For me the night night and partial hanging methods give too many chances for si to interfere. SI interfered with full suspension too but once hanging there is no oxygen to body and it won't work. how to get from rope around neck to hanging and no way out? Keep tightening rope around neck til I pass out I assume. So..do you have the option to do full?

 

[Deleted member 1768]

without antiemetic will be just bad, there is a chance for disability, because brain cells will die off, but not enough for ctb... that is why antiemetic required good. Getting sn is not a problem for me. but without the rest it is useless ..

I am not sure if anyone here is aware of this, but meto. seems to have disappeared from the market for those living in North America. It disappeared about the same time that 'Deep Dot Web', Dream Market and Wall Street Market were taken down by LE, (law enforcement). I highly recommend that meto. be found, purchased, and in your hands before ordering anything that may require its use. Sorry guys...

I've been practicing the night night method but I can't seem to the find the god damn sweet spot. I keep trying over and over, feeling around my neck, pressing in different places, looking at different diagrams and videos, taking so many notes... but I just. Can't. Fucking. Do. It. I don't know why. I don't know if I'm just stupid, or if I'm not trying hard enough, or if my body is just weird... but I can't do it right.

I feel so stupid and helpless. I've been a failure all my life the least I could do is CTB but I can't even do that. Maybe it's just too much to ask to try and preserve my body for my family, but I can't bring myself to do something like jump off a bridge or try something not-so-fun like an overdose on SN. I only have two weeks to do this so I can't order N. I mean I can try to ask for expedited shipping but I still need to get the anti-emetic which is on the other side of the world and can't come here in time.

So I keep trying, and trying, and trying. I feel like I'm about to cry, because I feel so frustrated and helpless. But somehow I haven't, strangely enough. Maybe this is what acceptance feels like. I don't know. Either way, even though I've stopped crying, I feel so profoundly lost, empty, helpless, frustrated, stupid, and scared.

Have you checked the 'resource' section here Somebody? There are a few ways that are cheap, easily accessible, and effective. Oh, and I do not see you as a failure, or stupid. Many have tried what you are doing and have failed. Some practice for months, and months and cannot do it. The fact that you are here on this site indicates, to me, that you are pretty smart. What better place to be when faced with the issue of your own demise...
I am sorry hon. Why only 2 weeks?

 

[throwaway123]

I know how that feels....

 

[sunny.sativa]

I have these exact thoughts and I get them frequently, and they're very loud and distracting when I'm suicidal. Sometimes I wanna just lie in bed until I die "naturally". I'll go to the bathroom and that's it. I won't go to work. I'll do nothing for days until I die of dehydration, I guess. It seems like a less deliberate way to go, idk. Maybe the family wouldn't fret so hard about it being a "suicide". Definitely not painless, however..

 

[Halo13]

In regards to the title of this thread, I feel the same way, although for me it's not having the supplies at hand and having to bide my time for now.

Exactly the same feeling. I'm so tempted to do anything right now just to end it. I give up trying anymore with the whole breathing oxygen aspect of life. Who knows? Could get lucky like the accidental deaths we always read about.

 

[JadedGray]

Exactly the same feeling. I'm so tempted to do anything right now just to end it. I give up trying anymore with the whole breathing oxygen aspect of life. Who knows? Could get lucky like the accidental deaths we always read about.

Same here, but I would never risk it. I don't want to end up worse off than I am now. My only hope in the mean time is an accidental death, but I'm not that lucky. It always seems like the people who want to live, die accidentally and those who want to die, have to take action.

 

[Halo13]

Same here, but I would never risk it. I don't want to end up worse off than I am now. My only hope in the mean time is an accidental death, but I'm not that lucky. It always seems like the people who want to live, die accidentally and those who want to die, have to take action.

Absolutely true! I am thinking with the absolute lack of will to live, it will help with my SI. Knowing I won't be missed and have no real friends or family makes it so much easier vs when I did. I figure it will factor into my ability to let go of SI. Always think when waiting for the light to change I could just walk into traffic, honestly.

 

[JadedGray]

Absolutely true! I am thinking with the absolute lack of will to live, it will help with my SI. Knowing I won't be missed and have no real friends or family makes it so much easier vs when I did. I figure it will factor into my ability to let go of SI. Always think when waiting for the light to change I could just walk into traffic, honestly.

Luckily SI isn't a problem for me anymore. I just don't want to make an attempt until I have access to something that is as close to a sure death as possible. The only people in my life who will miss me are my parents, but they are already expecting it to happen, so that makes it easy for me. I have nothing or anyone really keeping me here. If I had N now I would drink it without hesitation. The only reason why I would never do something unplanned, like walk into traffic, is because I don't want to end up failing and unable to attempt again (and I don't want to get anyone involved in my death).

 

[AveryConure]

Only method I have anymore other than dehydration (which I'm not even sure I could do again) is getting hit by a train and God it's just seriously not a pleasant way to go.

I'm waiting on the day someone triggers me enough that I would just run into the train tracks with no hesitation but that's like the same chance as me winning the lottery.

 

[RainAndSadness]

Since yesterday, I can confirm this.

 

[IronTusk]

Its an awfuk feeling

 

[oh_no191]

I wish it was as easy as turning off a computer