i should really just end it. either my life or my relationship. my partner has an avoidant attachment style and i have anxious. i know we're both at fault here, neither of us are perfect, but i can't help but feel like they aren't putting in any work to try and change for the better. they always had an avoidant attachment, but it got 10x worse when they cheated on me and we were broken up for around 4 months. i took them back and things were okay at first. it felt like they really were trying to be better for me and our relationship, but the past 6 months or so, they have been keeping everything a secret from me. from their emotions, to their daily routine, everything. they even blocked me on instagram but for some reason made their profile picture a mirror shot of their girl best friend who they previously had feelings for when we were broken up. they told me they lost a bet, that's why they had it on, but i don't know what to think of it anymore. more recently, they unfriended me on discord, steam and blocked my number on whatsapp. they told me they wanted space to breathe because we just got out of an argument, but why does it feel like they're preparing to leave me? i'm trying to detach myself from them, changing my wallpaper and lockscreen, removing lovey-dovey statuses, refraining from posting about them on socmed. i'm giving them a week to come back to me, and myself 2 weeks to try and get used to a quiet life without them. if they don't reach out more and try to fix our relationship by the end of this week, we will be done. i will not be taking them back anymore. if i'm still hung over them and physically ill when i can't talk to them, i will be killing myself. i want to reach out to my therapist and book a session, but money is tight right now and is it even worth it if i already have plans on which situation will i kill myself in? it all just feels like a drag and a waste of time and money. i genuinely think that i can't fix the state of my life or my mental health anymore. i want to die.
sorry for the long block of text. i just wrote this all while contemplating on self harm in the bathroom right now. i'm still here, and i think i will relapse.
sorry for the long block of text. i just wrote this all while contemplating on self harm in the bathroom right now. i'm still here, and i think i will relapse.
