Nothing is working.

[greyblue_bian]

I've tried what I can. I went to therapy. I started getting active more. I tried making sure I woke up early and went to bed at an okay time. I tried going out and hanging out with friends. I tried journaling. I tried venting. I tried making sure I eat more during the day. I tried keeping myself occupied. I tried keeping up with taking care of my skin and making sure I wash up and brush my teeth everyday. I've tried everything that I know. At the end of the day, there is no progress. At this point, I am walking in place. I no longer care if things get better. I no longer want to live. I just don't care much. And I think that's why. I don't there is anything I can do. I've given multiple crys out for help and multiple warnings because I think the only reason I am seriously considering staying is because I have a few friends this time around that care for me. They really do and I just don't want them to get hurt by this. I am sure they won't be very hurt by this since I don't think I'm as close to them compared to their other friends, but they seem to care about me enough to at least be hurt by it a bit. But, I can't keep holding out and dragging myself along for other people. I'm worn out and tired. Right now, all I'm wanting to do is make sure I buy everything I need to CTB, figure out my plan, and just do the things I want to do before I go like take myself out and have hang outs. That's all. I have no cares for anything else. I'm running out of energy to just do the things I want to.

 

[landslide2]

I know this feeling of futility, I'm sorry you're in so much pain. Those are good habits you're building. Have you considered trying meds?

 

[RoyBlight]

I'm very sorry to hear all of that. I'm sure you've tried your hardest, yet sometimes things just don't work out and nobody ever knows why...

 

[Hahem]

I've tried what I can. I went to therapy. I started getting active more. I tried making sure I woke up early and went to bed at an okay time. I tried going out and hanging out with friends. I tried journaling. I tried venting. I tried making sure I eat more during the day. I tried keeping myself occupied. I tried keeping up with taking care of my skin and making sure I wash up and brush my teeth everyday. I've tried everything that I know. At the end of the day, there is no progress. At this point, I am walking in place. I no longer care if things get better. I no longer want to live. I just don't care much. And I think that's why. I don't there is anything I can do. I've given multiple crys out for help and multiple warnings because I think the only reason I am seriously considering staying is because I have a few friends this time around that care for me. They really do and I just don't want them to get hurt by this. I am sure they won't be very hurt by this since I don't think I'm as close to them compared to their other friends, but they seem to care about me enough to at least be hurt by it a bit. But, I can't keep holding out and dragging myself along for other people. I'm worn out and tired. Right now, all I'm wanting to do is make sure I buy everything I need to CTB, figure out my plan, and just do the things I want to do before I go like take myself out and have hang outs. That's all. I have no cares for anything else. I'm running out of energy to just do the things I want to.

I relate to you so much, I've been improving my life, getting healthier, taking meds etc. But nothing works, really, even though things improve, nothing seems to fundamentally change, at its core the problems are still there, and suicide haunts me everywhere I go. Don't know how I'm getting out of this one, really...