Venting Nothing has been working out for me at all the last couple of years and I seriously want to end it (long read srry)

[starscourge_19]

Started with Covid pandemic forcing me to move from the country where all my friends were to a place where I knew no one and had to do online school. Then I moved to a different country for my final year of school and ofcourse this school ended up being a corrupt shithole where there was barely any people or girls (this matters later on). It tanked my straight A grades and lifelong buildup to a good university in a single year and I missed my university offers by exactly 1 mark (479/600 instead of 480/600) and have to go to a worse average one despite being the golden boy of my family I legit wanna die so badly. I had to change school curriculums three times over these two years and it was so painful dealing with each change.It wasn't even my fault.

In the 2020 lockdown I actually set a self improvement regime for myself and lost 15 kilos, cared about my hair, fixed my skin, puberty made me much better looking to the point I was considered quite decent looking and 70% of the people I knew didn't even recognize me upon meeting me again. I was excited to go back to school and show those who looked down on me how much I improved, but then I had to leave the country.

Now I'm 18 with barely any experience with girls compared to my friends who stayed in the school I was at. I wasn't even given the chance. I had to watch all the fun my friends had fir the past two years on Snapchat while I rotted. I'm actually a failure in every aspect of life and now all this progress is going down the drain slowly as I rot in depression. My family still loves me but they don't care about any of my issues and say I'm whining even though I'm trying to hold myself together

Also during all this my grandfather passed away and my father was diagnosed with serious health problems during exam season. So much went wrong for me, I feel as if I am being punished for something even though I was always such a good person.

 

[Luchs]

I relate man, I also always was the smart guy, always had good grades and people generally liked me, but my fall from grace is entirely my own fault. During middleschool I just became a closed off, depressed asshole, my grades went to the trash can, I lost friends and basically missed the entire middle school experience rotting in self imposed isolation. I took some time off highschool and repeated the first year and things started to look better, I had a large friend group, I had a girlfriend and things were looking up, but then the pandemic came and like life's fucking jackboot just kicked me in the teeth while I was trying to get back up, now I'm back at square one, almost no friends, alone and depressed. My family cares but I just can't care anymore that they care.

I'm just losing all hope, the olny sad solace is that tehre are so many people similar to me with whom I can feel connected a bit, can see that I am not alone in this bullshit. I've learned to hate the modern world and that is what keeps me going, I live out of spite to this world that clearly wants me broken in the dirt. If we give up and end it the world has won.

Idk if this applies to you too, but maybe this thought can help you keep going at least for some time.

 

[starscourge_19]

I relate man, I also always was the smart guy, always had good grades and people generally liked me, but my fall from grace is entirely my own fault. During middleschool I just became a closed off, depressed asshole, my grades went to the trash can, I lost friends and basically missed the entire middle school experience rotting in self imposed isolation. I took some time off highschool and repeated the first year and things started to look better, I had a large friend group, I had a girlfriend and things were looking up, but then the pandemic came and like life's fucking jackboot just kicked me in the teeth while I was trying to get back up, now I'm back at square one, almost no friends, alone and depressed. My family cares but I just can't care anymore that they care.

I'm just losing all hope, the olny sad solace is that tehre are so many people similar to me with whom I can feel connected a bit, can see that I am not alone in this bullshit. I've learned to hate the modern world and that is what keeps me going, I live out of spite to this world that clearly wants me broken in the dirt. If we give up and end it the world has won.

Idk if this applies to you too, but maybe this thought can help you keep going at least for some time.

I'm trying not give up I really am but I just keep getting thrown these shitty challenges that no one else other than me faces. My siblings were able to actually become even happier during these times as they got a huge friend group and everything, my parents found an amazing job and everything, then there is me suffering so much shit for some unknown reason and my family not being able to understand.

Hope it all goes well for us tho bro it's nice talking to someone else who is going through something similar since no one else understands me. Good luck

 

[Luchs]

I'm trying not give up I really am but I just keep getting thrown these shitty challenges that no one else other than me faces. My siblings were able to actually become even happier during these times as they got a huge friend group and everything, my parents found an amazing job and everything, then there is me suffering so much shit for some unknown reason and my family not being able to understand.

Hope it all goes well for us tho bro it's nice talking to someone else who is going through something similar since no one else understands me. Good luck

Same to you man, keep your head up high, despite everything I still believe that most people get what they deserve, and with how much life has screwed many of us on here we're in for a flood of positive karma at some point.

 

[CowsAreCool]

You seem to be judging yourself externally rather than internally. You are judging yourself by how the world perceives you. How prestigious your college is, how many girls like you, how attractive you are, how many friends you have. What if you were born ugly or deformed? What if you were born with a low IQ or orphaned? Would life not be worth living?

Your life's value comes from within. Are you a good person? Are you trying your best to improve yourself. Do you make the world a better place?

And don't be too hard on yourself. You do make the world a better place. If your friends or family were asked that question, you know what they'd say. Nobody would be happier if you killed yourself.

Life could get a lot harder. You could get dealt even worse hands. But in 60 years, when you look back on your life, how significant will your problems look? Having trouble getting a girl at 18? Not getting into the best college? You could potentially have kids and grandkids. A house. A successful career. Your issues now will seem minuscule in the big picture.

You seemed to have been happy with your life before covid. You are capable of getting that back. It might not be now or next year. You might have to lower your expectations. But what makes you alive is your willingness to fight through it.

Don't give up and don't throw it away.

 

[jodes2]

Sorry for what you're going through. You were so close getting into a better uni, don't let it get you down, you're still ploughing on. Sorry about your dad and granddad *hugs* I hope you find peace