Note stuff or something. Stupid question.

[Lilacmoon]

Hullo. It'll be time soonish if luck permits it. Couldn't decide so I figured I might as well ask. Thanks for everything so far.

Should I leave a note? I do have people to leave behind. Parents, controlling and manipulative but not awful. Flawed. They love me in their own way, I know. I have a kid sister too. She works hard and does her best. She's pretty independent, so she surely doesn't need a note, right?

I have a few friends. Do they need anything? But I partly feel like they don't deserve anything either. They probably did not care much anyways.

Girlfriend. She probably loves me. But I wasn't a good girlfriend back to her. Would it be easier to move on without a note?

Ex. He hurt me in a lot of ways that I can never recover from but I was never able to let him go. Not really. Is there anything at all that can be said?

I don't even know if I want to leave a note. The idea of it makes me nauseous. Is it so bad to go without a word? If they were never able to understand me in life, why would a note help clear that up?


Sorry. Dumb question. I'm just rambling stupidly.

 

[Deleted member 22650]

I wouldn't leave a note to be honest. That would just make them feel guilty, at least that's what i think.

 

[Rn110bg101]

Only leave a note if you want to.

 

[Ghost2211]

Leaving a note is up you. It's a personal choice.

 

[k75]

Your note is basically your last chance to say things to people. It's not mandatory. If you have nothing to say, don't force yourself. But it's your chance to speak to people after you're gone. And I think people usually appreciate that. It might provide closure or let people know why you made your decision, if that's what you want to do. Otherwise, they'll have to wonder forever and you won't be around to answer. Even if all you do is tell someone you loved them, they'll treasure that. It's a tangible reminder.

But also, writing might just make you feel better. Even just writing it and throwing it away. It can help you sort out your own feelings and get it out of your head.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

In response to your pondering, this is my experience. I don't know if you want to read it, so I'm putting it in a spoiler. Ultimately, it's your choice, but I get the impression from reading that you're a bit separated from how people are going to be impacted if you don't leave a note.

Spoiler

I had a boyfriend in high school suicide and not leave a note for me or for anyone. The not knowing why, not even being told he loved me and acknowledge I would be impacted, was so hard. He used to write to me all the time, I couldn't comprehend why he didn't leave me a note. His closest friends, his family members in our age group, none of us could comprehend it. It yanked out some of our foundation, I think.

His mother made up a pretty ridiculous reason for his suicide, that he had a brain clot. It's common for a close loved one to do something like that. I learned that from my father, who was a homicide detective.

People may or may not accept what they read, but not having anything to read at all...it's hard. With an absence of information, people will make up their own stories for what one felt and what their reasons were. Usually, they will scapegoat someone. I learned these things from my father, and from my experience. I was scapegoated. It was almost literal hell. I myself came up with all sorts of reasons over the years for my boyfriend's suicide and for his not leaving a note. I will never have an answer, and over thirty years later, I've finally come to terms with that and am able to more fully move on. I thought I had, but really, it's in phases. The whole experience of knowing him and of how it ended will always be with me, I can't not have experienced it. I can never have closure, but I have more and more peace.

I would have been comforted if he'd left me a note, I was tormented that he didn't, it troubled me off and on for decades. Yes, people do go on, and yes, people do recover, but those I've seen comment in the past on the forum that people suffer for a bit, then go on and live their lives at some point afterward unaffected...I've never known that to be true for anyone who knew someone who suicided if they remotely cared about them. I see Shawn Shatto's family, their denial and their fighting, and her stepfather recently said that in fighting against this site, they are being Shawn's voice. He is proud of that, he feels like Shawn is doing something heroic through him. Her family created meaning, I don't think Shawn left any via a note, or maybe she did and they created a different meaning since they couldn't accept hers. You have the opportunity to be your own voice. How others hear it is up to them.

I think your sister would do better to hear your voice in whatever you would write to her. I think your girlfriend would, too. Your ex is your ex, I find it interesting -- not in a judgmental way -- that he seems to be the one you most strongly consider leaving a note for when he's the least entitled. As far as your parents, I can't say. My parents are controlling and manipulative, they shut me out of the family for not allowing them to control or manipulate me anymore, and they always misinterpret whatever I say no matter how clearly I say it, they have fucked up filters. They're exes now. If I don't leave a note, they'll make it about them. If I do leave a note, they won't believe what I say and will decide something different. Like a slot machine, no matter what I effort or emotion I spend on them, it doesn't pay out, I can't win.

 

[Stick]

But also, writing might just make you feel better. Even just writing it and throwing it away. It can help you sort out your own feelings and get it out of your head.

I think this is a great idea.
OP, I'm writing a note because I have something to say. If you don't have something, then don't feel pressured to write what isn't there in your heart. Silence speaks as much as words. I think most people don't leave a note anyways.

 

[whywere]

I like the idea of writing a note. Then I would put it down for a bit and think pluses and minuses about keeping or throwing. It is easy for me, I have no one at all in this world to leave anything for, so no note for me. You seems to be such a nice, sweet and empathetic person that I wish you the very best whatever you decide. Love and peace to you!

 

[Lilacmoon]

Thanks everyone. I'm still undecided but now I have more to chew on. Sorry if it seemed disorganized or anything. It's a hard decision. <3 Lots of hugs, I can't wait for it to be over. It seems like if I want to minimize how much I hurt them I should leave a note...

 

[TattiQueen]

Hullo. It'll be time soonish if luck permits it. Couldn't decide so I figured I might as well ask. Thanks for everything so far.

Should I leave a note? I do have people to leave behind. Parents, controlling and manipulative but not awful. Flawed. They love me in their own way, I know. I have a kid sister too. She works hard and does her best. She's pretty independent, so she surely doesn't need a note, right?

I have a few friends. Do they need anything? But I partly feel like they don't deserve anything either. They probably did not care much anyways.

Girlfriend. She probably loves me. But I wasn't a good girlfriend back to her. Would it be easier to move on without a note?

Ex. He hurt me in a lot of ways that I can never recover from but I was never able to let him go. Not really. Is there anything at all that can be said?

I don't even know if I want to leave a note. The idea of it makes me nauseous. Is it so bad to go without a word? If they were never able to understand me in life, why would a note help clear that up?


Sorry. Dumb question. I'm just rambling stupidly.

It's absolutely not a dumb question, at all. Like others have said, I too agree that ultimately it's your decision. Maybe they will need to hear the truth, whether it be pretty or not. Maybe it isn't their fault, they couldn't have done anything differently. Maybe you just need to clarify specifics. It's definitely a lot to consider, but it should be considered. I've lost people this way, and I agree with GoodPersonEffed, in the respect that things being left unsaid that needed to be can be painful. I think your sister may need or appreciate a note, no matter how independent. Even a small acknowledgement could make all the difference. Please understand I'm not trying to sway you, just trying to help, and I hope I could be of some, if any. Feel free to reach out if you need or want to. So much more could be said, but I'd rather not ramble. Whichever you decide upon, I sincerely wish you the best. Thank you for sharing dear.

 

[Dark Spring]

I think you can leave a note that just explains your feelings that led to your decision, I don't think you need to make a note for every single person around you and even less if it's not what you feel, you say that thinking about writing a note makes you nauseous so it's not something you should do. It's a very personal decision