arcadia
.
- Jan 5, 2023
- 138
I had only really told my mother about how I feel, about how I'm severely depressed and cannot seem to get better. We promised to keep it between us regardless of how she responded. (Get right with god, pray more, it's the devil, I wont allow you to seek professional help and stay under my roof ect.).
Today she told my father, who does not live with us, about it. I presume out of desperation or frustration. I discovered this through him turning up and banging on my door to 'talk'. He sorta just sat there and yelled at me about being normal, about how I was an embarrassment, how I'm 'so smart' and 'squandering my potential', how 'theres nothing wrong with me and that others in the world have it worse and are happy' you get the deal. I couldn't even respond or explain how I felt. I could only just weep silently, it was embarrassing. I really don't know what to do with myself. My grandmother is currently sick, and he mentioned how he could've been visitjng her but instead had to waste his time on me because I hadn't considered just 'trying to be normal.'
I don't even get it. Why would they even do this. I think I'm gonna ctb by the end of this week, this is the lowest I've ever felt. I've always tried to keep a good image infront of my father and now its all gone. After all of that he left me £40 in paper notes to freshen myself up cause I looked like shit. I can get a ticket to beachy head and end it all on the weekend. If I'm not a coward.
Today she told my father, who does not live with us, about it. I presume out of desperation or frustration. I discovered this through him turning up and banging on my door to 'talk'. He sorta just sat there and yelled at me about being normal, about how I was an embarrassment, how I'm 'so smart' and 'squandering my potential', how 'theres nothing wrong with me and that others in the world have it worse and are happy' you get the deal. I couldn't even respond or explain how I felt. I could only just weep silently, it was embarrassing. I really don't know what to do with myself. My grandmother is currently sick, and he mentioned how he could've been visitjng her but instead had to waste his time on me because I hadn't considered just 'trying to be normal.'
I don't even get it. Why would they even do this. I think I'm gonna ctb by the end of this week, this is the lowest I've ever felt. I've always tried to keep a good image infront of my father and now its all gone. After all of that he left me £40 in paper notes to freshen myself up cause I looked like shit. I can get a ticket to beachy head and end it all on the weekend. If I'm not a coward.
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