okay, so i have my kit ready, and i'm going to fucking catch the bus tonight. Its all over. its time to go. no more pain, no more bullshit. time to pull the ejection lever.
But loitering on this forum. i'm not sure if its making me depressed or what I cant go outside, because when i bought the tape i need for the exit bag yesterday i nearly blurted out to the pharmacist that i was going to use it to CTB.
I just don't know what my mother had to be such a cunt when i was a child,. I grew up with wealthy grandparents. i mean my grandfather is a literal millionaire, My uncle runs a private investment fund for millionaires. And Iv never once asked for anything from them. Yet because i was damaged goods, my farther family took it as shame to their success. and after getting away from my mothers abuse. i found myself subjected to a different form of abuse by my farther and his family.
it wasn't as neglectful as my mother, it was more like financial exploitation and physical slavery, being put to work to earn other family members money, whist they had me living in horrible conditions. I mean what farther does that to his son.
I needed protection, I needed help and healing, and he just inflicted further pain and suffering onto me. I often thought that his abuse was worse than m,y mothers,. because he knew had she had treated me. I tried to reach out to him, i even left him a note at age 20, which is sad to say that i had such low confidence at that age, and he got very angry, because his girlfriend found it and felt like i was trying to push her out of the picture.
Thats not what i was doing. i needed a parent, i needed someone to guide me and help me and i was just exploited by the son of a fucking millionaire. They even know i facing homelessness, and instead of offering help, they just criticise me for being such a failure.
And am i stupid for thinking that i have cousins who had private education their whole life, i'm talking an investment that would be equal to the cost of an apartment. so given that i never availed of that investment, would i be stupid for thinking, "hey you spent $120,000 on each of my cousins education and $0 on mine, maybe just buy me an apartment, so i can rebuild my life. but no, thats not how it works"
But loitering on this forum. i'm not sure if its making me depressed or what I cant go outside, because when i bought the tape i need for the exit bag yesterday i nearly blurted out to the pharmacist that i was going to use it to CTB.
I just don't know what my mother had to be such a cunt when i was a child,. I grew up with wealthy grandparents. i mean my grandfather is a literal millionaire, My uncle runs a private investment fund for millionaires. And Iv never once asked for anything from them. Yet because i was damaged goods, my farther family took it as shame to their success. and after getting away from my mothers abuse. i found myself subjected to a different form of abuse by my farther and his family.
it wasn't as neglectful as my mother, it was more like financial exploitation and physical slavery, being put to work to earn other family members money, whist they had me living in horrible conditions. I mean what farther does that to his son.
I needed protection, I needed help and healing, and he just inflicted further pain and suffering onto me. I often thought that his abuse was worse than m,y mothers,. because he knew had she had treated me. I tried to reach out to him, i even left him a note at age 20, which is sad to say that i had such low confidence at that age, and he got very angry, because his girlfriend found it and felt like i was trying to push her out of the picture.
Thats not what i was doing. i needed a parent, i needed someone to guide me and help me and i was just exploited by the son of a fucking millionaire. They even know i facing homelessness, and instead of offering help, they just criticise me for being such a failure.
And am i stupid for thinking that i have cousins who had private education their whole life, i'm talking an investment that would be equal to the cost of an apartment. so given that i never availed of that investment, would i be stupid for thinking, "hey you spent $120,000 on each of my cousins education and $0 on mine, maybe just buy me an apartment, so i can rebuild my life. but no, thats not how it works"
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