author
they/them
- Jul 13, 2021
- 76
(warning for family abuse / eating disorder due to neglect)
The gaslighting from my family is driving me insane. Not to mention that they rarely let me eat more than once a day - twice if I'm lucky - and still call me fat and crazy. I'm so fucking skinny, though. When I do wanna eat, they try to give me food that's gone bad and ask why I complain and ignore how bad it makes my stomach hurt. I've had to start stretching my one daily meal across the whole day by eating really slowly. If I eat at a normal speed, I get way too full really fast because I'm pretty sure my stomach shrank. I just wanna have three meals a day...
I need to move out. I need to get out of here. I at least want to die free but I can't afford to move. Nobody will fucking hire me. I keep applying to countless jobs and I hear countless denials. I can't even get an interview.
Why am I paying a price for existing? I'm already in physical pain every day and I can barely walk, why do I have to be put through malnutrition and emotional abuse by my family? I'm tired of being called lazy. I'm not lazy, my legs don't fucking work half of the time and I can't use a wheelchair down stairs, idiot. Not that you'd let me get a wheelchair since you don't even believe me.
I am not letting myself ctb until I've experienced freedom from this place, but I don't know if I can get there.
The gaslighting from my family is driving me insane. Not to mention that they rarely let me eat more than once a day - twice if I'm lucky - and still call me fat and crazy. I'm so fucking skinny, though. When I do wanna eat, they try to give me food that's gone bad and ask why I complain and ignore how bad it makes my stomach hurt. I've had to start stretching my one daily meal across the whole day by eating really slowly. If I eat at a normal speed, I get way too full really fast because I'm pretty sure my stomach shrank. I just wanna have three meals a day...
I need to move out. I need to get out of here. I at least want to die free but I can't afford to move. Nobody will fucking hire me. I keep applying to countless jobs and I hear countless denials. I can't even get an interview.
Why am I paying a price for existing? I'm already in physical pain every day and I can barely walk, why do I have to be put through malnutrition and emotional abuse by my family? I'm tired of being called lazy. I'm not lazy, my legs don't fucking work half of the time and I can't use a wheelchair down stairs, idiot. Not that you'd let me get a wheelchair since you don't even believe me.
I am not letting myself ctb until I've experienced freedom from this place, but I don't know if I can get there.