Not sure anymore

[worthlessdisaster]

I've given myself a very big time gap to try and change my mind or have others help me find a reason and I think I am finally ready to plan the day to catch the bus. I was holding on to some type of hope. Got into a car club after getting a nice car, made a lot of friends everyone tells me what an inspiration I am and how I help them but they don't see me at the end of the day when I take the fake happy off. I truly care about all of them and love them for trying to help me but I think it's just not enough and I don't want any of them to think they weren't enough or their love wasn't enough. I'm just lost and can't anymore. I think the method I picked is perfect for me. I've practiced a few times and I think I will be good. Now it's picking the day and planning where and the time. I have stayed off here hoping for the best. I've talked to some amazing people who helped me get through days. But my demons I think have won. This life wasn't meant for me but hoping the next one will be. I hope everyone is well and exactly where they want to be. I didn't want this but after putting that gap between me and the thoughts of not being here anymore hoping for anything to change my mind I realized I should've been gone already. I'm ready. Just gonna take a few days to plan it out. But I will be back hoping for some support when I have my day planned, from you amazing humans. I appreciate all of you so much. Y'all are all I have. Wanted to share a picture of my car. It's helped me pull myself out of some dark places but nothing seems to be enough anymore. Thank you for reading

 

[Destiny Calls Me]

If you have exhausted all options and feel ready, then more power to you. You are not alone. There are many of us going through something similar. Living day in and day out in a modern day purgatory. One day I hope we all find peace!

PS: Car looks sick, simple yet elegant. Must be fun in the snow!

 

[No longer suicidal😁]

You tried your best. I do think that many of us here don't fit in this life, at least in its current form. I hope you find peace whether by living a life that brings you joy or by CTB.

 

[Pluto]

I used to be a huge part of the car scene here when I was young. I don't know how I feel about it with hindsight. Many great people and sometimes they looked up to me, but I never felt like I was one of them.

Wish I could go for a ride in your WRX - no doubt it would make me feel young again. Back in 1994, the original "rex" was one of my favourite cars. It improved on already great classics like the CC Mitsubishi Lancer GSR and Ford Laser TX3 4WD of preceding years.

I did get to go in some cool cars including a '90s Supra Turbo, a highly modified 200SX and various Australian cars that you probably wouldn't have heard of. It kept me going for a while.

Anyways, all the best to you. I certainly understand where you are at.

PS. Please be careful displaying your number plate in case authorities can identify you.

 

[stermc]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish you had found a way out. I don't know you, but can feel you are an amazing and loving human being. I don't think your demons have won. I think you are a strong person who can decide and write the end of your story.

Hope you can find peace and happines, no matter what you decide to do.

Also, I absolutely love your car! Great sense of aesthetics!

Much love to you

 

[looseye]

In case you're confused about what pictures the folks above are talking about: I removed the attachments due to privacy concerns over visible number plates. Things can turn unintentionally personal when there's information out there that can easily identify you or someone from your immediate surroundings. Oftentimes it's really the little things, please be careful about that.

I can re-upload the photos with blurred number plates on OP's wish. Frankly that was a proper wroom wroom, a beautiful mheeeeeeeouuu, a cool fuckin' car

 

[worthlessdisaster]

In case you're confused about what pictures the folks above are talking about: I removed the attachments due to privacy concerns over visible number plates. Things can turn unintentionally personal when there's information out there that can easily identify you or someone from your immediate surroundings. Oftentimes it's really the little things, please be careful about that.

I can re-upload the photos with blurred number plates on OP's wish. Frankly that was a proper wroom wroom, a beautiful mheeeeeeeouuu, a cool fuckin' car

Thank you so much I thought I had used one that didn't show it. I appreciate it. You are all so amazing.

 

[FuneralCry]

Your feelings of wishing to be free from this world are understandable, I also see myself as not being meant for existing, I believe it to simply be the way that some people are. You are fortunate to have a method that you see as being ideal for yourself, I wish you the best of luck with your plans.

 

[worthlessdisaster]

It's been awhile. I really tried again but it always comes back to I wasn't meant to be here. I'm so conflicted. I have no reason or purpose but I keep trying just to be let down. I was ready last time and someone made me feel like I did until they did what everyone else has done. Reminding me I need to stop thinking I'm needed around here and it's people feeling sorry for me and be done. I don't tell people I want to CTB but people feel guilty because of how miserable I am. I'm so lost