I know how you feel... I used alcohol to suppress my dark thoughts. I pulled myself from that part of my life knowing alcohol didn't solve anything but made me feel worse the next morning when the hangover kicked in. I was starting to turn into an alcoholic, because my mind ended up telling me to drink for the relief... One night a few months ago after therapy seemed to stop helping and months without drinking I killed a entire handle of vodka. Became scary for my wife in the sense she thought I'd die with how bad it got and called a friend. I guess I told him I was trying to drink myself to death, and said if this don't do it I'm sitting in the garage with my car on until that does. The very next day I had to explain my suicidal thoughts and it made me feel like a burden to others who had to check on me. I felt like shit that I told another grown man I have problems dealing with my life issues. It sucks, but it ultimately became a weight off my shoulder.
