Not recovering — launching. part 2

[SexyIncél]

[previously]

I do not cling. I win

The material world differs from the social world. The social world has entities who desire narratives. Coherence. Even when I change my voice to represent multiple characters, each has a consistent perspective

Not so the material world. With rocks and computers and such. I could interact with them using a voice that shifts direction and noise; frobulate them; whatever

 

[SexyIncél]

I used win's etymology:

"be victorious," c. 1300 fusion of Old English winnan "to labor, toil, struggle for, work at, strive, fight," and gewinnan "to gain or succeed by struggling, conquer, obtain," both from Proto-Germanic *wennanan "to seek to gain" ... from PIE root *wen- (1) "to desire, strive for."

It's not about beating someone, or simply triumphing. It's more about fighting; the desire to do what it takes. To cause an event

The more power you have, the less distance between intention & reality. Causing the intended event requires:
1. sufficient resources
2. at least 1 path from intention to reality
3. ability to somehow travel that path

Suicides often happen when some of these conditions don't hold. If children have a will to power (rising life), we die when it's too frustrated (falling life). If we can't cause what we desire, then how can life be delightful?

 

[SexyIncél]

Stopped posting for a while. I was altering myself; others could see my internal seams. My inconsistent perspectives, during my changes

And I guess also because I was grossed out by a post by a masochist who wanted to break up because... her guy treats her too well. I mean, I get the dynamics. (Or so I think.) But in sadomasochism, one concept is approval/disapproval; and I felt unhelpful contempt course through me

Still, I did note in my last paragraph I'm recovered. But not in a sasu recovery forum way. I'm totally fine with dying. But I have some shit to do with this pathetic little life, this strange whirl of particles and molecules and... that coalesces into me

I'm fine hitting 600 posts